I’m furrowing my brow in a vain attempt to comprehend the following situation: Weekend #1 of Saints Camp 2007 is in the books, and nary a discouraging word have I heard coming from Jackson.

Oh sure, Meachem and Pittman aren’t setting the world on fire. Hollis Thomas is a little overweight (nah, really??) The backup QBs aren’t exactly making a run at Drew Brees’ job. But those things aren’t what I’d call discouraging. Those are things that smart people would have expected all along would be the case.

Only jerks expect rookies to hit the ground looking like all-pros, and fail to understand that big fat guys usually don’t run very fast in 100 degree heat and 97% humidity. And while we here at moosedenied.com are jerks, we’re not that kind of jerk. We’re the kind of jerks your mom thinks are nice boys. Really nice. Continue Reading…

You know that you’re not exactly sitting on top of the world when even your staunchest defenders can muster little more than: “Hey, he’s not that bad!”

When page three of the Google Image Search results for your name includes a picture of an assortment of butt plugs.

When the most pressing issue facing your current employer is finding some kind of way, any kind of way, to avoid having to put you on the field.

When your boss is asked how the offense will function with you at the helm, and his response is: Hey, ANYOBDY could run this offense. (…even this schmuck, if, God forbid, it comes to that.)

Oh sure, he has millions of dollars, but… but… wait, what was my point again? Oh, that’s right. Being Joey Harrington must be pretty sweet. Give me tens of millions of dollars and I’ll gladly be a walking joke. Seems to be working out alright for Aaron Brooks. Continue Reading…

Here at moosedenied.com, we think that consumption of alcohol is big fun.

And what’s better than drinking? Competitive drinking.

What’s better than that? Competitive drinking that also involves mocking others.

Fortunately for us, our bar is well-stocked, there’s a liquor store right around the corner, and soon there will be plenty of fodder for mocking, as every excruciatingly minute detail of the Saints’ 2007 training camp and preseason will be nitpicked to death on message boards near and far. Hey, we mock because we love. And loathe. If you don’t have a love/hate relationship with your preferred Saints message board, then you need to find a better one, because the one you’re posting on is bush league. The loathing is half the fun.

This will be the first time since the briefly-famous “Heather” had her 15 minutes, that the inevitable copycats will have the opportunity to hop aboard that train. We encourage these efforts, and hope that in future years, we can add “Some hot chick is shown wearing a tee shirt which has been silkscreened with a profane slogan.” (Yo Heather, call me.)

In the meantime, here are the rules for the 2007 Saints Camp/Preseason Message Board Drinking Game: Continue Reading…

BREAKING NEWS: moosedenied.com has learned that some dude in Pennsylvania named Eric has a Saints Podcast going, and he’s going to be doing a new episode this evening, July 22, 2007 at 8:00 EDT.

Where the hell have we been? Because see, this here is pretty sweet. Wish we had known about it earlier.

You’ve gotta love New Media. Power to the people, baby!

Oh sure, most people are huge assholes who have very little to say, and now that the digital age has given them tools, they never shut the hell up. Yeah, believe me, we’re well aware of that. Fortunately, most of those people tend to go for the absolute easiest possible platform, message boards.

But you’ve gotta take the good with the bad, and in our opinion, this here Podcast is pretty good. Eric obviously puts plenty of effort into his Podcasts, and in our opinion, it’s worth the time to give it a listen. We’ve checked out a couple of the past Podcasts available on his site, and we enjoyed them.

So we figured we’d pimp them a little bit. We’ll be tuning into tonight’s Podcast. Nice job, Eric. Way to kick a little ass there.

Link: New Orleans Saints Review

As a public service to our fellow Saints fans on these here internets, moosedenied is proud to announce the launch of our brand spankin’ new Kenny Wilkerson’s Life Status Tracker.

It is our fervent hope that this page will serve to keep Saints fans up to date with the latest news on Kenny without having to go to the trouble of starting yet another thread on Saintsreport.com to ask.

We invite anyone starving for updated Kenny information to bookmark the page and refer back to it as often as needed. It’s available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and will be updated as events warrant.

In the meantime, we at moosedenied would like to wish Kenny all the best in his recovery from surgery, and would like to credit http://www.abevigoda.com for the concept we blatantly stole.

One of the great things about being a sports fan, a message board guy, or Kenny Wilkerson, is that you get to talk out of your ass about things you really don’t know a whole hell of a lot about.

Even better, when you’re talking out of your ass about sports contracts, you can usually be pretty confident that whomever you’re talking to probably doesn’t know a whole hell of a lot about it either. So if you’re willing to speak in absolutes, present your opinions as facts, and can string together a few reasonably-coherent sentences, chances are you’ll come off like you know what you’re talking about.

But you don’t. Continue Reading…

It seems that about the worst possible label a sports fan can be tagged with in 21st Century America is the dreaded “homer” label.

On the web, it usually appears more like this: “OMGHOMER!!!!1!!!1″

Playing the homer card is the convenient, all-purpose cop-out that opposing fans (as well as perpetually-miserable assholes who like to call themselves “realists”) use to pigeonhole any and all positive projections regarding a given player or team, without having to actually go to the trouble of forming a coherent counterpoint. It’s sort of a sports version of Godwin’s Law, except without the best part of Godwin’s Law: the person who has to resort to it LOSES. Continue Reading…

Down in [tag]Tampa[/tag], they’re expecting a bounce-back year from the [tag]Bucs[/tag] and their brand new bearded quarterback, Fabulous [tag]Jeff Garcia[/tag].

Boy, they’re gonna be pretty pissed off in a couple of months.

It’s not that I don’t think they’ll be an improved team. In fact, I started writing this fully expecting to predict something along the lines of 7 wins for the Bucs this fall.

Fabulous Bearded Jeff should be a significant upgrade from the parade of boobs they ran out there last year. Surely [tag]Cadillac Williams[/tag] is better than the 800 yards and 1 TD he put up last year. [tag]Gaines Adams[/tag] and [tag]Cato June[/tag] ought to be fine additions to an aging defense that gave up 22 points per game last year.

Then I looked at their schedule. Ouch, babe. Continue Reading…

The Pants enter 2007 with just one question that we’ll all agree really isn’t all that important anyway:

Who’s their quarterback?

Ouch.

Oh sure, they’ll tell you that Jake Delhomme is their guy. But they don’t mean it. At least they might not. I don’t think they’re really sure. And that’s a problem. You don’t play it by ear at QB. But it looks like that’s exactly what they’re planning to do.

Jake has been a hell of a QB for the Pants for the last few years, there’s no denying that. But you get the feeling that they’ve always wanted something better. And now that they finally have someone else on the roster who, at least theoretically, doesn’t suck, you have to wonder how long they’ll be able to resist the urge to go with the younger, bigger, stronger former first-pick-overall who still has the “But I was in Houston!” thing taking much of the heat for his underwhelming performance so far. Continue Reading…

You know what’s great about the Falcons? They blow. Hard. This team is in worse shape than Ron Mexico’s genitals.

Big East offensive guru Bobby Petrino goes into the season wondering why Murray State isn’t on the schedule having to decide whether to try to reclaim The Great Joey Harrington or hand the reigns to DJ Shockley while Michael Vick tries to avoid eye contact with the jury. Sucks to be him.

Here’s the catch-22 for Petrino: Last year Atlanta was #1 in the NFL in rushing offense, but could still only manage #12 in total offense. Why? Because Michael Vick sucks at passing. Continue Reading…

Here at moosedenied.com, we have few friends.

Which is why that when someone tolerates us enough to make us believe that they may, in fact, be our friend, we like to acknowledge their accomplishments. It kind of makes us feel like big shots. Or something.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, DA S~L~O~B Brothers celebrated their first anniversary of not being driven batshit insane by the cricket noises and passing tumbleweeds of this here Blogosphere. And while we think that Pico really ought to consider cutting his hair, and Derrick might oughta button his shirt and fix his fly, we also think their blog is fucking fantastic. And surely we’re not alone. Continue Reading…