I’ve got a rock’n syndrome, and the only prescription is more shakuhachi flute.

It’s Matt Baker Time, bitches! 

In other news, Kenny Chesney begins serving a four-game suspension for wearing a non-league sanctioned 6-pound belt buckle, and taping over his name on the back of his jersey and writing “Minnie Pearl” in its place.

Fortunately, Chesney was allowed to give the team the now-commonplace celebrity motivational pep talk. The theme was lucrative post-NFL career opportunities, with Chesney suggesting that the players use their free time now to write a catalog of mindlessly-patriotic ballads for future release, and getting to know Sean Hannity asap.

Game commentary follows, theoretically…