Payton: Thanks for calling in, guys. I’m up shit creek right about now and I could really use some input on how to right this ship.

Miles: No problem, coach. Happy to help.

Carroll: Duuuuuuuuudes! What’s shakin’? What do you think of the hair, bitches? I’m telling you, that Consuela is a fuckin’ magician! God I look good!

Saban: Les, you still haven’t thanked me for all those recruits, asshole.

Payton: Guys, I’m desperate here. Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. We can’t throw, we can’t catch, we can’t run, we can’t kick, we can’t play defense. I’m sinking here, can anybody help?

Carroll: You gotta give the ball to Reggie, brother. Give it to Reggie and light up a j, dude. Regggggeeeeeee. Duuuude.

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