Welcome to the offseason, bitches.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Except for the preseason, regular season and postseason. It’s a magical time when everybody is undefeated. Everybody is a contender, except for the Falcons. A time when the only view you have of your favorite NFL team is through a crystal ball.

The great thing about crystal balls is they don’t actually work. So whatever you see in it is whatever you want to see in it. Outstanding, just the way I like it.

Those of us who aren’t perpetually-miserable asshole "realists" can gaze upon eight months of regrouping, re-evaluating, retooling, reloading and hitting the ground running next fall. And those of us who are perpetually-miserable asshole "realists" can… oh, I don’t know… make babies cry, kick puppies, whatever it is that those people do when they’re not bitching and moaning and doing their best to show everyone else "the truth" as a public service, so that we don’t fall victim to the scourge of optimism, or even worse, joy.

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