That's right. I said bacon jam. What evil hath Top Chef's Kevin Gillespie wrought? Fear that man. And now, you should fear me too. Don't believe me, ask my arteries.

I have no idea how close this is to Kevin's. Probably not very. The internets went all apeshit from the moment Kevin unleashed this delicious abomination, and the Googles list probably a hundred takes on it. As is my usual wont, I got the jist of about 6 or 7 of 'em, then just did what I wanted. The result follows… Continue Reading…

I'd like to apologize to all the people who called me out last week for being a whiny bitch. The Tampa game sure did show me the error of my ways. I don't know what I was thinking. Clearly, everything's just fine. Right?

Furthermore, I'd like to apologize for not being a "real fan" and for showing my true colo(u)rs by daring to acknowledge certain unpleasant truths about the Saints' current level of play. At the time, I didn't realize that I was "jumping off the bandwagon" but evidently, it's a good thing that the mob of "better fans" than I think I jumped, otherwise they'd be pushing me off. Continue Reading…

With the General Purpose Non-Denominational Federal Winter Holiday fast approaching, we here at moosedenied would like to take this opportunity to wish those of you who regularly subject yourself to this here blog a merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, kwaaaazy Kwanzaa, tip-top Tet, and solemn, dignified Ramadan.

The Aughts are about to finally come to a merciful end as well. Holy crap did this decade blow something fierce. The Federal Flood, 9/11, American Idol, Toby Keith, Brett Favre's annual retirements, Myspace, Vince from ShamWow, Joe the Plumber, Dr. Phil, Sarah Palin, Windows Vista, Kenny Chesney, the Unknown Who Dat, and on and on. See you in hell, Aughts. Eat shit and die. Continue Reading…

Well that sure was a shitburger, wasn't it?

Sue me, but I'm not comforted by any of the postgame spin that the Saints are still 13-1, are still going to get homefield throughout, have won more games than any other Saints team, and just ran into a Dallas team that was desperate and turned that desperation into their best game of the year while the Saints played their worst game of the year, and still the Saints had a chance to tie in the end. All that stuff is true, but at the moment, it's only barely relevant.

There will be plenty of time for reflecting and marveling over what has been inarguably the best season in Saints history… after the season. Right now? Far as I'm concerned, the Saints are 0-1, and they're no more than a couple of plays from being where we all thought Dallas would be right now: 0-for-December.

Continue Reading…

The last time the Cowboys beat the Saints, the world still thought that J.R. had taken his own life by shooting himself in the face.

Perhaps by next fall, Tony Romo will wake up, find T.O. in the shower, and realize that this whole year has been a horrible dream. But in the meantime, the Saints are about to hit them so hard, it's gonna turn Romo's mom into Donna Reed for a year. Continue Reading…

Cha ching! Considering that the Saints are now 13-0 and just set a new franchise single-season record for wins, it sure does feel like the whole thing's sinking, doesn't it?

The good news? There's still over a month to get healthy in the defensive backfield before the Saints play their next game that really matters in the grand scheme of things. And until then, just keep reminding yourself that the Saints could lose by 50 next week, and it would be little more than a nuisance. At the same time, we all know that they're still capable of hanging 50 on the next chumps at any time.

The bad news? That gnawing feeling in your gut is legit. To quote jeffrey from just after the game: "Saints really just surviving at this point." Indeed. Continue Reading…

Our heroes (and Reggie Bush, assuming Sean Payton lets him on the plane) are all set to head to Atlanta this weekend to post lucky #13 by kicking the shit out of about half of the Fightin' Mike Smiths.

Most of the intrigue so far seems to center on whether or not Matty Ice will be checking out the hook while his own personal Dee Shay, Michael Turner, revolves it. I don't know about you, but I'm not sure it's gonna matter. After escaping D.C. with an improbable win despite quite possibly their crappiest performance of the year, I don't know if you've noticed, but Drew's got that look in his eye. Yeah, that look. That loud splat you just heard was… well… you don't wanna know. Just steer clear of Mike's office until the custodians have had a few hours to do their thing, alright? Continue Reading…

Cha ching! What comes around goes around, I'll tell you why…

I knew right from the beginning… that they would end up winning… I knew right from the start… aw who the fuck am I kidding? There's been a lot of talk about how the Saints "didn't have any business winning that game." And that's true. I'm not sure how anybody could argue that the Saints didn't get damn lucky to escape FedEx Field at 12-0. (Excuse me for a second, I just want to type that a few more times… 12-0. 12-0. Twelve and zero, bitches!) Here's my question though: So they got lucky, who gives a shit? Continue Reading…

Games like this one don’t come around very often. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time the Saints had a game where Reggie Bush wasn’t the prettiest, most shirtlessly photographed metrosexual on the field. You might have to go all the way back to the Dallas game in 2006. And that turned out pretty well, so we’re gonna go ahead and take it as an omen.

I’m torn on whether to watch this game on ESPN, or to tune in to the simulcast on Bravo. On one hand, the pregame is apparently gonna consist of a couple of Queer Eye reruns. But I’ll be listening to WWL anyway, trying to make sure I’m at least as sloshed as Bobby going in. On the other hand, Ted Allen calling a football game promises to be a singular experience. Not to mention Tom Colicchio roaming the sidelines asking the coaches what they have planned and doing his patented "sniff & sneer" response, with the occasional eye roll thrown in for lagniappe. And the complete absence of Hank Williams Jr is always a strong selling point. Continue Reading…

Cha ching, bitches! And welcome back to the party, Saints. Isn’t beating the snot out of chumps a hell of a lot more fun than batting down hail marys? Yeah, I think so too.

Fun game. Oh sure, most of the first half bordered on excruciatingly boring, and the outcome had been decided by about midway through the third quarter. But the game was chock full of firsts, and those entertain me.

Obviously, the Saints won their tenth in a row for the first time in human history. The 31 point margin of victory was the largest yet this year. All three interceptions were by first-timers (Vilma, Jenkins, Reis Nuts) and David Thomas became the 18th(!!!) Saint to score a touchdown. Scotty Badass got his first sack and forced fumble, and Leigh Torrence chipped in with his first (half-)sack. Courtney Roby got his first reception as a Saint, and Pontchartrain Meach had himself his first multi-touchdown game. Continue Reading…