Games like this one don’t come around very often. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time the Saints had a game where Reggie Bush wasn’t the prettiest, most shirtlessly photographed metrosexual on the field. You might have to go all the way back to the Dallas game in 2006. And that turned out pretty well, so we’re gonna go ahead and take it as an omen.

I’m torn on whether to watch this game on ESPN, or to tune in to the simulcast on Bravo. On one hand, the pregame is apparently gonna consist of a couple of Queer Eye reruns. But I’ll be listening to WWL anyway, trying to make sure I’m at least as sloshed as Bobby going in. On the other hand, Ted Allen calling a football game promises to be a singular experience. Not to mention Tom Colicchio roaming the sidelines asking the coaches what they have planned and doing his patented "sniff & sneer" response, with the occasional eye roll thrown in for lagniappe. And the complete absence of Hank Williams Jr is always a strong selling point. Continue Reading…

Cha ching, bitches! And welcome back to the party, Saints. Isn’t beating the snot out of chumps a hell of a lot more fun than batting down hail marys? Yeah, I think so too.

Fun game. Oh sure, most of the first half bordered on excruciatingly boring, and the outcome had been decided by about midway through the third quarter. But the game was chock full of firsts, and those entertain me.

Obviously, the Saints won their tenth in a row for the first time in human history. The 31 point margin of victory was the largest yet this year. All three interceptions were by first-timers (Vilma, Jenkins, Reis Nuts) and David Thomas became the 18th(!!!) Saint to score a touchdown. Scotty Badass got his first sack and forced fumble, and Leigh Torrence chipped in with his first (half-)sack. Courtney Roby got his first reception as a Saint, and Pontchartrain Meach had himself his first multi-touchdown game. Continue Reading…

This weekend, our heroes head down to La Habana Norteña to smuggle cigars assassinate Castro take on los Bucaneros de la Tampa Bay. And I’m not gonna lie (because you’ll find out soon enough anyway,) I’m half-assing it big time right about now.

Hey, I don’t know what to tell ya. The turkey’s already been in the oven for three days now, and at this point, I’ll be lucky to get my gravy done in time. It usually takes a solid week. (Totally worth it though. It tastes like God’s sweat.) And don’t even get me started on my cornbread dressing. I haven’t even milled the damn corn yet.

Those of you who have been subjecting yourselves to this here blog for longer than a year or so were probably already looking forward to expecting it to be a bit of a slow week or two around here, and I vow to you that you shall not be disappointed. Basting is a harsh mistress. Continue Reading…

Cha… ching? Pop quiz, hotshot: What happens when an unprecedented level of success, an impossible-to-maintain early season hot streak and a far-crappier-than-expected midseason performance collide with the acute neurosis of a fatalistic fanbase who just can’t shake the notion that it’s only a matter of time before all their hopes and dreams slip from their grasp for the 42nd consecutive time?

Answer: Panic.

Heads have been exploding all over the internet. The other shoe is finally dropping. Saints fans thought they were about to close the deal on a postseason date with Sara, but they’re beginning to think they might have been on the phone with Jackie the whole time. The Saints’ mojo has gone the way of the "i" in Jm J Bullock. It’s as if the network has taken our Three’s Company lead-in and replaced it with Joanie Loves Chachi. Before we know it, we’re gonna be finding out that Muriel’s pregnant and a long lost cousin is moving to town. This isn’t going to end well, is it? Continue Reading…

This weekend, your 8-0 Saints are all set to hop aboard the Creole Queen and head up the river to take on the 1-7 St. Louis Rams of Anaheim.

Just a friendly heads up to our heroes… if they ask you to deboard on the starboard side, it’s a trap. Insist on deboarding on the port side. Trust me. You do not want to be standing on land east of the Arch. See, this is where not signing Gerald Sensabaugh comes back to bite you in the ass.

Of course, by the time they get there, the Rams’ convoy of Mayflower trucks might already be halfway to Orange County. Those cricket noises you hear are the sound of millions of Angelinos still not giving a shit. Continue Reading…

Cha ching, bitches! Hopefully you still have at least a tenuous grasp on what’s left of your sanity. Enjoy it for as long as it continues to linger and fade.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen just about enough of this newfound "flirt with doom, then lower the boom" strategy, thank you very much. Quit toying with me, assholes!

But hey, all’s well that ends well, and it ended just about as well as you could ask for. Again. And as long as it keeps ending like this, we can reasonably keep swaddling ourselves in the warm glowing warming glow of the Saints’ grit, determination, resilience, "clutch" and all that other stuff. It sure does seem pretty clear at this point that when the light goes on, when they finally get around to flipping the switch, God help the poor bastards on the other side of the ball. It’s just a matter of flipping the switch before it’s too damn late. So far, so good, but they sure are cutting it close here lately. Continue Reading…

Cha ching! Reg-gie! Reg-gie! Reg-gie!

Well, there you have it. The long-awaited, incessantly-prophecised "breakout game" for our stunningly handsome Spiraling Shape finally happened Monday night. I know that because Message Board Guy has told me so about 100 times since then. I’m not sure whether it’s more important for all us haters to give Reggie the props he so richly deserves, or for us to "eat crow" and publicly apologize for ever doubting him (Reggie or MBG, take your pick.)

I mean, sure, the Saints are 7-0 after enduring their closest call yet, and they ended up on the good side of a 2-game swing in the divisional standings. But who gives a shit about that? The important thing is that after 7 weeks of  calling for it, by god, Message Board Guy was PROVEN RIGHT! Reggie really IS great. Not to mention ridiculously handsome. Continue Reading…