Cha… ching? Pop quiz, hotshot: What happens when an unprecedented level of success, an impossible-to-maintain early season hot streak and a far-crappier-than-expected midseason performance collide with the acute neurosis of a fatalistic fanbase who just can’t shake the notion that it’s only a matter of time before all their hopes and dreams slip from their grasp for the 42nd consecutive time?

Answer: Panic.

Heads have been exploding all over the internet. The other shoe is finally dropping. Saints fans thought they were about to close the deal on a postseason date with Sara, but they’re beginning to think they might have been on the phone with Jackie the whole time. The Saints’ mojo has gone the way of the "i" in Jm J Bullock. It’s as if the network has taken our Three’s Company lead-in and replaced it with Joanie Loves Chachi. Before we know it, we’re gonna be finding out that Muriel’s pregnant and a long lost cousin is moving to town. This isn’t going to end well, is it? Continue Reading…

This weekend, your 8-0 Saints are all set to hop aboard the Creole Queen and head up the river to take on the 1-7 St. Louis Rams of Anaheim.

Just a friendly heads up to our heroes… if they ask you to deboard on the starboard side, it’s a trap. Insist on deboarding on the port side. Trust me. You do not want to be standing on land east of the Arch. See, this is where not signing Gerald Sensabaugh comes back to bite you in the ass.

Of course, by the time they get there, the Rams’ convoy of Mayflower trucks might already be halfway to Orange County. Those cricket noises you hear are the sound of millions of Angelinos still not giving a shit. Continue Reading…

Cha ching, bitches! Hopefully you still have at least a tenuous grasp on what’s left of your sanity. Enjoy it for as long as it continues to linger and fade.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen just about enough of this newfound "flirt with doom, then lower the boom" strategy, thank you very much. Quit toying with me, assholes!

But hey, all’s well that ends well, and it ended just about as well as you could ask for. Again. And as long as it keeps ending like this, we can reasonably keep swaddling ourselves in the warm glowing warming glow of the Saints’ grit, determination, resilience, "clutch" and all that other stuff. It sure does seem pretty clear at this point that when the light goes on, when they finally get around to flipping the switch, God help the poor bastards on the other side of the ball. It’s just a matter of flipping the switch before it’s too damn late. So far, so good, but they sure are cutting it close here lately. Continue Reading…

Cha ching! Reg-gie! Reg-gie! Reg-gie!

Well, there you have it. The long-awaited, incessantly-prophecised "breakout game" for our stunningly handsome Spiraling Shape finally happened Monday night. I know that because Message Board Guy has told me so about 100 times since then. I’m not sure whether it’s more important for all us haters to give Reggie the props he so richly deserves, or for us to "eat crow" and publicly apologize for ever doubting him (Reggie or MBG, take your pick.)

I mean, sure, the Saints are 7-0 after enduring their closest call yet, and they ended up on the good side of a 2-game swing in the divisional standings. But who gives a shit about that? The important thing is that after 7 weeks of  calling for it, by god, Message Board Guy was PROVEN RIGHT! Reggie really IS great. Not to mention ridiculously handsome. Continue Reading…

We do not train to be merciful here. Mercy is for the weak.

You know what the Saints have to do Monday night against the Fightin’ Mike Smiths, don’t you? Sweep the leg. We don’t want them beaten, we want them out of commission. Out.. of.. commission. You have a problem with that?

Win, and the Saints take a 3 game lead in the NFC South with 9 to play. And for lagniappe, half the head-to-head tiebreaker, just in case. For all intents and purposes, the division race would be a fait accompli. And that’s all great. But at the risk of sounding greedy, victory alone doesn’t cut it this week. No sir, not when it’s Falcons Hate Week™. They are the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy. Sweep the leg. FINISH THEM!!! Strike first. Strike hard. No mercy. Continue Reading…

You’re probably already well aware of the fact that Pro Bowl voting is underway. While you’re there casting your ballots for Drew, Sharper, Shockey, Shanle, Porter, Greer, Nicks and (Jahri) Evans, I’d like to strongly suggest that you consider voting early and often for one other candidate…

Our old pal JaMarcus.

Do it. Come on, do it. If nothing else, do it for the sake of sweet, sweet farce. Tell me you wouldn’t be unbelievably amused. We must make this happen. If the site’s stated goal works (shaming the Raiders into replacing him permanently) you never know… maybe Carolina trades a pick for him. Oh sure, it’s a longshot prospect that I basically just pulled out of my ass. But admit it, the possibility intrigues you. Isn’t the mere thought of the Panthers being "led" by JaMarcus for the next 3-5 years worth an extra click? DO IT!!! Do it now!

Don’t call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin’ my peers and puttin’ suckas in fear
…
Explosion, overpowerin’
Over the competition, I’m towerin’
…
Don’t you dare stare, you betta move
Don’t ever compare
Me to the rest that’ll all get sliced and diced
Competition’s payin’ the price

Cha ching! Come on, Drew, no 360? And when did Don Shula get a gig as an NFL official?

Want to know how good this team and their godlike quarterback are? They kick ass even when they suck. Continue Reading…

Oh no! It’s the cleverest species of them all!

I sure hope the Saints are on the lookout this Sunday at Land Shark Stadium for audible calls such as "Candygram!" "Plumber!" and "Telephone guy!" because if not, they might get MAULED(!!!) by the most awesomest offensive innovation to come out of mid-tier college ball since the Run & Shoot. Oooooh, I bet you’re scared now.

What ever will the Saints do to counter the awesome power of this craaaazy new offensive attack which has opposing defensive coordinators furrowing their brows in a vain attempt to comprehend the situation? (Well, two out of the five so far, anyway.) Because you know, it’s totally not a fad. No sir. No gimmick here. To hear the Dolphins talk about it, they don’t even know why people still consider it "tricky." Why, all they’re really doing is lining up and running it down people’s throats. Hell, it’s downright old school. And after all, they do have the LEAGUE’S BEST RUSHING ATTACK!!! Pardon me while I go get a clean pair of pants. Continue Reading…

Fear me, you lords and lady preachers
I descend upon your Earth from the skies
I command your very souls, you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine…

Cha ching! So much for the notion that the league was beginning to figure out how to keep Drew from eating them whole, eh?

By most accounts, this was the perfect storm. Drew was at his surgical best, shitting gold like only he can. In fact, everything the Saints did Sunday came up aces. The Giants were victimized by the Saints at their very best, while the Giants themselves had one of those days, and thus never stood a chance. We here at moosedenied hate to be contrarian, but I’m gonna have to go ahead and beg to differ. Oh, it was lovely, don’t get me wrong. But you know what? After careful consideration and multiple re-watches, I’m not so sure that the Saints aren’t even better than that. Continue Reading…

So how did you bitches spend the bye week? I spent mine discovering the elusive secret to INTERNET MILLIONS! Apparently, it goes a little something like this: 1. Throw a little dirt in the general direction of Reggie Bush’s mindbogglingly handsome playmaking face, 2. ____________, 3. Profit! Now if only I could bring myself to plaster ads all over this place. Stupid modicum of shame! Always coming back to bite me in the ass.

I’ve always been one to chuckle at Message Board Guy getting played like a fiddle on a regular basis by guys like my old friend Colin Cowherd. I’ve always known that while MBG goes on and on about wanting informed, "fair and balanced" commentary, with heavy doses of Respeck™ for the object of his affection, it’s really all just a front. What he really wants is for you to give him the opportunity to call you an idiot. Tell him precisely what he least wants to hear, and then just sit back and watch those numbers go through the fuckin’ roof. Brilliant. Continue Reading…

Ch-ch-ch-ch-cha ching! Turn and face the strange, Saints fans. This thing just keeps getting more bizarre by the week. It’s damn near a full blown Space Oddity at this point. Is it just me, or have you found yourself getting a hell of a lot lot louder and more obnoxious with each passing game?

If I weren’t seeing it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it. Fortunately for me, I am. And I do.

10th in the league in total defense. 7th in scoring defense. 8th in rushing defense. 14th in pass defense. Still 2nd in the league in rushing offense. 1st in scoring offense. 2nd in total offense. Leading the league in takeaways. 2nd in turnover margin (and if not for Reggie Bush, they’d be first.) Leading the league in defensive 3-and-outs and leading the league in hits on the opposing quarterback. Leading the league in interceptions and passes defended, and tied for 8th in sacks. Still unbeaten, and still yet to trail. Seriously, holy shit. Continue Reading…