Just remember that the last laugh is on you...At least the Saints achieved something yesterday. They finally discovered something that no amount of bacon could make better. Talk about a full-pound medium-rare double-stack hickory-grilled shitburger.

I suppose the bright side is that at least it took seven weeks this time for the Saints to suffer their first humiliating ass kicking of the season. And I suppose it’s liberating in a way to no longer have to worry about the playoffs. Unless you think there’s a chance in hell that this team is going 7-2 the rest of the way while both Tampa and Carolina go 5-4 or worse.

I find it strangely consoling to know that the players and coaches will be dining on British cuisine for the next seven days. Enjoy the jellied eels, black pudding and kidney pie, gentlemen. You’ve certainly EARN(ed) IT.

At least we know that Sean Payton is mad as hell and isn’t gonna take it anymore. EARN IT. Sean Payton don’t play that shit, someone must pay! Heads must roll. Which is why the Saints released Steve Weatherford after the game. High five! That Sean Payton is quite the problem solver, baby. I was just about sick and damn tired of all the games the Saints keep losing on the leg of their punter. I’m sure it’s gonna be all better now.

I’m sure you’ve heard all the rumors since last night as to why this move was made.

  • Needed the extra seat on the plane to the UK so Kenny Chesney could come with
  • Freeing up roster spot to sign Jeff George
  • Refused to stop singing "You’re not the boss of me now and you’re not so big… life is unfair…" in Payton’s presence
  • Money missing from Dulymus’ locker
  • Consistently late to meetings, infamous wristwatch was strictly ornamental and/or to fuck with Marteen
  • Extramarital affair with offensive lineman’s spouse
  • "Knows too much" about what really went down at WWL with Kenny Wilkerson

None of those are true. See, what Payton and Loomis know is that the UK is a hotbed of punting talent. Bet you didn’t know that. John Cleese, Ringo Starr and Rik Mayall were all standout punters at University. Reports are that they’ve already scheduled Morrissey for a workout, and John Lydon might be in on Wednesday. There’s also this deaf, dumb and blind kid who’s been ripping it from Soho down to Brighton. Apparently he has supple wrists. Word is you’ve never seen anything like him in any amusement hall.

You think I’m kidding? These are the new-fangled Hollywood/Madison Avenue Celebrity Bullshit Saints. About three seconds after Reggie Bush jacked up his knee, there was probably a conference call between Mickey Loomis, the league office and Adidas executives making arrangements for David Beckham to punt for the Saints this week. You don’t sell the steak, man. You sell the sizzle. THE SIZZLE, MAN!

Meantime, what did we learn about the Saints yesterday? We learned the shocking truth: This team just isn’t good enough.

Oh, it’s good enough to hang around. It’s good enough to get fat off of league bottom-dwellers and occasionally jump up to bite a better team in the ass. It’s good enough to look really pretty when the circumstances are absolutely perfect on any given gameday.

But this team cannot deal with adversity. Nor can it deal with success. Bottom line: this team can’t deal.

The "Stat of the Week" on the web seems to be the Saints’ now 0-15 record under Sean Payton when trailing after 3 quarters. It really is shocking. Seriously, you mean to tell me that Drew Motherfucking Brees hasn’t led this team to a single 4th quarter comeback? Really? Wow. There’s the "can’t deal with adversity" part.

For the "can’t deal with success part" I’d like to use a stat I just now pulled out of my ass. Sean Payton’s Saints are also 2-10 in games following (what I consider to be) a "big win." By "big win" I mean either a dominating win or an "important win."

I can itemize my findings on request, but if you’ve got a few minutes to kill, have a look at the Saints’ week by week results since 2006 at NFL dot com or ProFootballReference dot com or the web site of your choice and see if you don’t draw a similar conclusion.

Put them together and what you do you get?

Soft.

When the going gets tough, this team lays down. When everything’s great, they eat the cheese.

The thing that makes me want to shove an icepick up my nose is that this loss didn’t have to be this bad. Every team gets their asses handed to them every now and then. It happens. It could be shrugged off and left behind if the Saints hadn’t pissed away three of their previous six games.

And if there are enough chumps left on the schedule for the Saints to narrowly miss the playoffs (again) it won’t be this loss that will have done us in. It will have been Denver. Or Minnesota. Or Washington.

One of the ones that never should have happened. One of the preventable ones.

Or one of the preventable ones yet to come.

But hey, at least we don’t have to worry about Steve Weatherford’s watch anymore. Sean Payton will not stand for such tomfoolery. And God help the Chargers if Payton drops a heaping helping of Buck Ortega, Sean Ryan or Courtney Roby on ‘em!

See, it’s all part of the Grand Plan. Or something.

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