Leave it to the Saints to have a Monday night game during a week in which Thursday is a major holiday which requires that you start cooking days in advance and tend to your out-of-town-friends’ doggie. Has no one the slightest regard for a blogger’s demanding schedule? Nooooo.

The good news is that it’s a perfect excuse to half-ass it for a week. High five!

The Saints sure were pretty Monday night. Oh sure, they gave up 21 points in the first half. They didn’t gain a damn thing on Carolina or Tampa (thanks, Detroit) and they’re still probably totally screwed (thanks, Marteen.) But it was still one for the archives. And I’d sooner DIE than shirk my blogging responsibilities. Still, it’s a short Thanksgiving week, and I’m not above half-assing it for legit reasons. Or any other kind of reasons. So the following is pretty much just a raw dump of in-game comments cobbled together into something resembling a recap. Enjoy. Or something.

Kornheiser doesn’t think there’s any offensive player in the league who’s more important to his team than Drew Brees. Drew also has better stats than any other QB in the league. But he’s not Kornheiser’s MVP. Brett Favre is. For some reason.

Kornheiser just referred to Mike McCarthy as "connective tissue." And he follows that up by saying McCarthy has "the look of a schlub." I’m not sure what the hell the former is supposed to mean, but the latter is pretty astute.

Hank Williams Jr. makes me want to shove an icepick in each ear.

The Packers waste no time, finding Jason David on the first play from scrimmage and throwing in front of him for 6. Shoulda thrown behind him for 80, dumbasses. Two plays and a timeout later, it’s punting time.

What’s with the new minimalist fad with player introductions? A few years ago they had every starter introducing himself with a full-motion head shot and shout outs to high schools and all kinds of cool stuff. Now? They might as well have Bob Dylan flipping through posterboards with names and positions handwritten on them with a Marks-A-Lot. I bet Roger Goodell has something to do with this.

3 & out on the Saints’ first drive. Kornheiser marvels at the fact that two such high powered offenses have each had the ball once and there’s still no score. Tirico tells Kornheiser to "give it time." Downright prescient, Mike.

And we have our first voodoo defense moment, as Greg Jennings fails to make a play he usually makes in front of Randall Gay.

Kaesviharn takes a terrible angle on Ryan Grant and whiffs on the tackle., allowing him to bust through the middle of the line for 18. Lovely.

Hey, it’s 1st & goal Packers at the 2. Took ‘em long enough. Goal line stand on the way, book it.

2nd & goal at the 1 foot line. I have all the confidence in the world in this defense! Only 2 more stuffs to go.

Shit.

7-0 Packers. I swear, the Saints are gonna have to score 50+ if they plan on winning this game.

Courtney Roby, bitches! This guy… this is my kind of guy.

And one play later, the Saints are well on their way to 50. Wow. Seriously, what crawled up Lance Moore’s ass and deposited a lethal dose of greatness?

Whoa, a tackle behind the line of scrimmage! I remember when Charles Grant used to do stuff like that. Good times.

3rd & 16 brings us our voodoo defense moment #2 as Rodgers misses a wide open Donald Lee. The Packers are about to punt for a second time. In the first quarter! Dee-fense! Dee-fense! Dee-fense!

Hey, a Poochie sighting!

Uh oh… Drew’s got that look in his eye. He’s 5 for his last 5, and the offense is going through the Packers like shit through a goose. Tonight’s the night, I can feel it. Drew’s gonna bust out the 30-yard between-the-legs jump pass to Buck Ortega before the night is over.

Pierre Thomas goes untouched(!!!) into the end zone and I think I hear somebody near a camera shouting "Deeeeuuuuce!" Then again, I suppose he might have been booing the Dome nachos or something.

Voodoo defense moment #3. Greg Jennings again, over the top of Jason David. Led him about 2 yards too far. But as always, it ain’t over until the ball comes off the punter’s foot. Next play, 30 yards anyway. Sheesh, I’m not sure 50 will win this game. I sure hope Sean Payton doesn’t go for two once they hit 50. They might need that PAT.

Earlier, Kornheiser was pissed that nobody had scored. Now he’s pissed that the first quarter is taking so long because of all the scoring.

Touchdown Greg Jennings. Wanna guess who was on the coverage? Ah, who am I kidding? These days, Jason David isn’t necessarily the default answer anymore. But yeah, it was David.

Drew throws two straight to Poochie, and as he comes back to the huddle, you can clearly read Drew’s lips as he says "Now will you shut the fuck up for a few minutes?"

Lance Moore is in the end zone again, and doesn’t do anything afterwards. Tom Benson needs to send a non-shit-upon pickup truck full of cash over to Lance’s house pronto, if only so that he can stop worrying about being fined by the No Fun League for some of the best end zone celebrations I’ve seen in a long time… celebrations that apparently Lance can no longer afford.

Rodgers to Jennings again, this time over David rather than under. Jennings pushes off at the last minute (yes, David was within an arm’s length!!!) and there was no flag on David for pass interference. Bullet dodged.

The Packers have converted five straight 3rd downs. High five! Dee-fense! Dee-fense!

Jennings for 22 yards. No need to worry about a flag on this one, as David was about 3 yards behind him. On the other hand, he was closer to the play than Roman Harper was.

Make that 6 straight 3rd downs converted by Green Bay. Kornheiser and Jaws are talking about Favre.

Sean Payton calls timeout with Green Bay driving for the tying score. Probably has something to do with the stream of gold nuggets Drew is leaving behind him as he paces the sideline.

Rodgers on a QB draw. Kaesviharn falls for the ole pump fake 10 yards beyond the line of scrimmage, whiffs, Rodgers scores. Dee-fense! Dee-fense!

Courtney motherfucking Roby!

1st & goal at the 7 and… there we go. False start on Jammal Brown. You knew it was coming, it was just a matter of time.

Halftime. I cannot believe the Saints are only up by 3. Actually, what I can’t believe is that the Saints aren’t down by 10. This is shaping up just like the Minnesota game. They’re gonna lose this 53-52 aren’t they? Sean Payton is probably gonna do some crazy shit like let Lance Moore throw a pass, or go for 2 when the Saints hit 51.

Ooooh the Fastest 3 Minutes In Sports. Not nearly fast enough. I wonder what’s on the Science Channel? I bet Dr. Michio Kaku isn’t saying "rumblin’ fumblin’ stumblin’" and other such catch phrases that were kind of cute back in 87 over and over.

Second half. Oh shit, what’s up with Drew? He gets sacked, and then gets a pass blocked at the line of scrimmage. And now he calls a timeout on 3rd & 15. Doesn’t Sean Payton know not to let Brees and Jason David get too close to each other so that the stink can’t arc over like electricity and fuck up Drew’s greatness circuitry?

4th down and Sean Payton is going for it. See, this is why I can’t bring myself to give up on this guy. Most coaches won’t make that call, but you have to go for it on 4th and inches at midfield. It’s not "smart" to punt the ball on 4th and inches at midfield, it’s weak.

Pierre’s got a whole Dulymus thing going on at this point. Nice. Every run for positive yardage, and every run for about 3 yards more than it "shoulda" been.

Great catch by Billy Miller for the TD. Poochie is now tied with Buck Ortega in 3rd place among Saints tight ends in touchdown receptions, with zero. And I’m still waiting for the between-the-legs jump pass from Drew to Buck, which will happen before this game ends. Unless Drew just decides to take it in himself on a QB draw, doing backflips for the first 20 yards and flying for the last 30.

Oh shit, I forgot that the defense has to come back on the field now. Dee-fense! Dee-fense! Seriously, all the confidence in the world in these guys. Hell, I bet Jason David comes up with a pick here. Hahahaha.

WHAAAAAA?!?!?!?

Holy shit.

1st & goal at the 3. Surely Sean Payton is gonna give Dulymus his moment here. No way they call a passing play here.

Guh. Drew, you selfish, stats-obssessed asshole.

No wait, Drew, dude, I totally didn’t mean it. Forgive me, sir. I don’t know what came over me. Please Drew, don’t hurt me. I love you, man. I’m sorry I spoke out of turn.

2nd & goal. Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooossssss!!!!!!

(Okay, I apologize unreservedly for this here interlude during Dulymus’ big moment: You know what? Fuck you, Jammal Brown. Seriously though, fuck you. Way to chest-thump in the end zone and pat your own self on the back for a pretty average block while everybody else is showing Dulymus the lifetime-achievement love he so richly deserves. Asshole.)

Boy, Mike Karney sure does love himself some Dulymus. Can you blame him?

38-21. Saints defense on the field. So it’s kinda like it’s tied. See, what we really need here is another big play from Jason David. BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, let me just go ahead and start holding my breath here….

WHAAAAA?!?!?!?!?

Vince Lombardi:
What the hell is going on around here???

Wow. Oh wait, let me guess. 17 point lead, two straight interceptions by the defense, yeah, it’s about time for some crazy shit. Let’s see… Superdome Special? Been there, done that. Onside kick? Nope, it’s a play from scrimmage. Ooooh between-the-legs jump pass to Buck Ortega? Nope. Oh, double pass with Lance Moore. Okay, well I guess we can cross that one off the list now. Until next time. I blame Moore for not throwing it back to Drew. He was wide open!

So Green Bay has the ball back again and it’s still kinda sorta tied with the 17-point Saints lead… wait a minute… the Saints have the ball again? What the hell? Seriously? I thought I had at least 10 minutes to relieve myself, fix another drink and get my head back into the game just as the lead was being shrunk to 10. Did I pass out or something?

Anyway, Drew’s back on the field. 3rd & 6 and clearly the Saints are just running clock now. You know, it occurs to me that Drew hasn’t thrown to Colston at all tonight. Which is kind of a shame, even in such a fantastic game. Maybe even moreso because it’s been such an offensive explosion. I mean, come on Drew. How can you have a game like this and allow Colston to post no stats? I mean, damn, I know I’m being a little greedy here. I know it’s too much to ask of any QB to throw two 70-yard TD passes in a single game, but….

Oh. I see. Nevermind. I will never question you again, I promise.

45-21. Daaaaaamn. Couple more scores and this will be a bonafide comfortable lead.

Seriously Coach, I swear… if you score again and go for two, I’m gonna… why I’m gonna…. just don’t do it, okay?

Hey, wait a minute. It’s 45-29 now? Oh for crying out loud, a brother can’t even take a piss? Berman hasn’t even finished telling me how much weight Don "Blue Suede" Shula lost on the $200/week diet formulated especially for men.

On the other hand, I have a brand new reason to loathe Chris Berman. Every Berman Nutri-System ad that airs is one less Jillian Barberie Reynolds Nutri-System ad that otherwise might air instead. And I’ll be damned if she wasn’t smokin’ hot even with the spare 40 pounds and all dolled up in a mumu and flip-flops. She’s the second coming of Valerie Bertinelli. It doesn’t matter how much weight either of them gain, they’re both simply incapable of failing to be hot. Under any circumstances.

Hey, Pierre just had a 31-yard touchdown carry. Like 5 minutes ago. And here I am talking about Valerie Bertinelli and Jillian Barberie Reynolds. Sorry about that. For what it’s worth, Kornheiser is currently talkng about Favre. What’s kinda creepy is that it sounds like he’s still talking about Favre for many of the same reasons I’m still talking about Valerie and Jillian.

Aaaaaaanyway… ahem… so yeah. Pierre with a vintage-Dulymus 31-yard touchdown run. You remember those, don’t you? The ones where there’s a big clusterfuck right around the line of scrimmage off tackle, and he looks like he’s just running straight into it for a gain of 2 or 3, and you figure it’s safe to go ahead and blink, because what could possibly happen? And the next thing you know, he’s on the other side of the aforementioned clusterfuck… just by a half a step… and you’re going "Whoa… really?" and then before you can even finish that thought, they’re kicking the extra… wait… they’re kicking the….

They’re going for two. For some reason.

Message Board Guy:
Classless!

Hey, it’s a Jamie Martin sighting! Wait, that doesn’t look like Jamie Martin. Is that Palko? Adrian McPherson? Terrance Copper?

Anyway, some dude just handed off to Mike Bell and as God is my witness, for about a half a second there, I swear I thought Bell was setting up for a flea flicker. With less than 2 minutes remaining and a 22 point lead.

Sean Payton has driven me completely insane.

How insane? I’m pretty sure I just saw Matt Flynn. Nah, that’s gotta be all in my head.

Unless you also expect me to believe that I just saw the Saints scoring 50, Sean Payton and Dulymus hugging each other, Jeremy Shockey putting up 57 receiving yards and Jason David intercepting two passes.

Yeah, right. What kind of chump do you take me for?

Choke on your lies. I’m going to bed.