Our old pal JaMarcus.

Do it. Come on, do it. If nothing else, do it for the sake of sweet, sweet farce. Tell me you wouldn’t be unbelievably amused. We must make this happen. If the site’s stated goal works (shaming the Raiders into replacing him permanently) you never know… maybe Carolina trades a pick for him. Oh sure, it’s a longshot prospect that I basically just pulled out of my ass. But admit it, the possibility intrigues you. Isn’t the mere thought of the Panthers being "led" by JaMarcus for the next 3-5 years worth an extra click? DO IT!!! Do it now!

This could very well be one of those times, because today, I feel like posting my MLB All Star ballot. And while I’m at it, I’d like to shamelessly hype Geovany Soto, Catcher for the Chicago Cubs and future NL Rookie of the Year.

It also gives me a chance to make a supid BASIC-themed pun. And that’s always big fun. I’ll start with the American League first, because I don’t really care about the AL.

American League

C: Miguel Olivo – Kansas City Royals
It’s always nice to get your token Royal out of the way early. Minnesota’s Joe Mauer bats for a higher average and has a better OPB, but his power and run production are way down this year. Los Angeles of Anaheim’s Mike Napoli has 10 home runs and 23 RBI, but Olivo isn’t too far behind that, and Olivo catches runners stealing at a far better rate than the other two.

1B:  Justin Morneau – Minnesota Twins
Tight race between Morneau and Boston’s Kevin Youkilis. Morneau gets the nod based on defense.

2B: Ian Kinsler – Texas Rangers
First easy choice. Kinsler is the clear winner on merit. The only stat Dustin Pedroia has on him is PIB  (Plays In Boston)

SS: Michael Young – Texas Rangers
Oakland’s Bobby Crosby is a close second, but Young gets on base more, produces more runs and plays better defense. Unfortunately for Young, Derek Jeter is going to get points for being Derek Jeter. As always.

3B: Payrod – New York Yankees
Oh sure, I’d love nothing better than to put Cleveland’s Casey Blake or Chicago’s Joe Crede here, or that chick from the Rays who’s on Desperate Housewives. Payrod has missed some time, but not enough to disqualify him. And while his cumulative stats are comparatively weak because of the missed time, his average-based stats seem to indicate that without the missed time, the cumulative stats would be there too.

OF: Josh Hamilton – Texas Rangers
OF: Carlos Quentin – Chicago White Sox
OF: Manny Ramirez – Boston Red Sox
All three are pretty easy choices as far as I’m concerned. What Hamilton has been doing this year is just insane.

National League

C: Geovany Soto – Chicago Cubs
I’m a lifelong Cubs fan, but this is a merit vote. Offensively, it’s tight. Los Angeles of Compton’s Russell Martin and Atlanta’s Brian McCann are right there. Martin loses out based on power and run production. Soto and McCann are virtually identical offensively, but Soto has allowed 11 fewer stolen bases and has thrown out one more basestealer than McCann. Soto is the best defensively of the three offensive candidates. Yadier Molina is a worthy defensive candidate, but he doesn’t put up enough offense to be considered with the other three. Bottom line is that Geovany Soto is the most completely excellent catcher in the National League so far this year. He is among the league leaders in every significant offensive and defensive stat for catchers.

1B: Lance Berkman – Houston Astros
Again, seems like a pretty easy decision here. Sure, St. Louis’ Albert Pujols gets walked a lot. An awful lot. But that’s not Berkman’s fault. Berkman leads Pujols in every offensive stat except walks (and, hence, on base percentage.) Berkman has also stolen 10 bases (!!!) while only getting caught once, and plays much better defense.

2B: Chase Utley – Philadelphia Phillies
Arguably the best player in baseball. Simple as that.

SS: Jose Reyes – New York Mets
Miguel Tejada is a Mitchell Report slugger who is getting outslugged by the little guy. Statistically, they’re close. In the real world, Reyes is the far more useful player. Reyes plays a far more well-rounded game.

3B: Aramis Ramirez – Chicago Cubs
Quite possibly the tightest race of all. When I voted last week, I had Atlanta’s Chipper Jones here. When I vote next week, it’ll probably be the Mets’ David Wright. But since this is my blog, I’m going with the homer vote this time. It really is unbelievably close. Jones has the gaudy AVG, OBP and SLG. Wright has the run production and the ability to steal a base every now and then. Ramirez is somewhere in between, but as silly as this sounds to someone who has watched Ramirez play defense over the years, he’s actually probably the best of the three defensively right now. And I expect him to really get hot at the plate in June. If I took all homerism out of it, right this very minute, the merit vote would still be for Jones, with Wright 2a and Ramirez 2b. But I’m going with Ramirez anyway.

OF: Ryan Ludwick – St. Louis Cardinals
OF: Xavier Nady – Pittsburgh Pirates
OF: Nate McLouth – Pittsburgh Pirates
Last week, I had Milwaukee’s Ryan Braun in the place of Nady. I might flip flop again, but for now, Nady’s OBP is just too much higher than Braun’s for me to put Braun in there ahead of Nady.

Still not convinced? How about the fact that he’s saving his Cheez-Whiz story for the book? He’s happy to take a stab at a zen coan though.

Here we go:

jazzbo: First off, thanks for representing our team as the Voice of the Saints, and representin’ damned well, I might add. I don’t know if I can come up with a question you hadn’t heard yet, but I’d be interested in knowing which players you think deserve special attention during training camp/preseason. Who are those players you think are most likely to turn some heads during TC?

Jim Henderson: Jazzbo…during training camp when live work is usually at a minimum it’s wide receivers and defensive backs whom I focus on because essentially in drills their action is live. Robert Meachem will be scrutinized to see if 1) he’s healthy 2) he can be a down-the-field threat if he is. During preseason games I think you look inside more…Jonathan Vilma at middle linebacker. Was Pierre Thomas for real a year ago? Can he be counted upon and withstand the punishment of an increased role? Lastly the kicking battle should be a good one. I would love to see Taylor Mehlhaff have a strong summer rather than resort to the same rotation of re-tread kickers the Saints have used for the most part since they let Morten Andersen go in the mid-90′s.

Dog Faced Boy: You’ve probably got a million funny war stories from covering the Saints for so long. Care to share an all time favorite? 

Jim Henderson: Dog Faced Boy…I’m saving them for the book but one involves Archie Manning, Hillary Clinton, and a can of Cheez Wiz.

Chef Who Dat: In your honest opinion, has Tom Benson lost a step? If attached to a polygraph, would you agree that his words seem adversely affected by his age? 

Jim Henderson: The man is 80 years old. Never the definition of articulate, he’s not likely to become moreso with the passing years. But his business acumen remains acute.

Chef Who Dat: Do you agree that Rita has really been running the team since 2006? 

Jim Henderson: No.

Chef Who Dat: And finally, will you rate Rita Benson LeBlanc’s body? She looks smokin’ from the Upper, Upper, Upper Terrace. But that might be Bud-vision. Would greatly appreciate your professional assessment. (you can nod your head yes or no on this one if it might get you in trouble with the Mrs.) 

Jim Henderson: Rita is a nice girl in my estimation. If you’re looking at her rather than the Saintsations, however, I would urge you to get better binoculars, better seats, or both.

Inigo Montoya: Hey Jim, looking back on it, was Brian Milne really the unlikeliest hero of them all? I agree that he was unlikely, but it seems to me that Dave Stachelski would have been at least as unlikely as Milne. What’s up with that? 

Jim Henderson: Actually I must agree. Tight end Dave Stachelski out of Boise State would have been a more unlikely hero than Brian Milne….considering that in the two years that Stachelski was a Saint Kyle Turley had just as many catches as he had (1) for more yards (Turley 16, Stachelski 5). I may be the only person on this planet with a framed Brian Milne jersey. My son got it from Saints’ equipment manager Dan Simmons….one of the world’s great guys….when he was cleaning out the equipment room after Milne’s departure. He had it framed and gave it to me along with an inscription of that call for Father’s Day a few years ago. It remains one of my most cherished possessions and I was thoroughly touched by his thoughtfulness. 

Eric B & Rakim: Yeah speaking of Hakim drops the ball, do you still tear up when you hear yourself tearing up calling that play? I’m pretty sure most of the rest of us still do.

Jim Henderson: It’s my only chance for a shred of immortality. I do get goose-bumps every time I hear it. Not because I happened to be the one making the call, but because it instantly brings to mind the incredible emotion of that moment in the Superdome….surpassed in my mind only by the 2006 home opener with Atlanta. That it brings a similar emotion to Saints fans upon re-hearing it is something I treasure. 

Hambone: What’s the sound of one hand clapping?

Jim Henderson: It’s exactly the same as the sound of the other hand clapping.

Gina: I see a couple of people have asked about Hakim drops the ball. One of the things I like most about your gameday announcing is that you wear your heart on your sleeve, but at the same time you’re never obnoxious about it or seem like you’re just pandering to the home crowd like a lot of others do. Anyone listening realizes you’re "one of us" and are emotionally invested in the team, but at the same time you’re professional and very obviously not putting on an act or schtick. How do you walk that line so well between emotionless and boring versus overly excitable and annoying? Does that talent just come naturally? Or are there moments when you have to reel yourself in and think about not moving too far in either direction?

Jim Henderson: You’re very kind. First of all I think the people for which you owe the most allegiance are the fans. Ultimately it is they who decide if you deserve to do what you do. I always try to be prepared to give my best….first game or last….winning season or losing one….blowout victory or heart-wrenching defeat. I would hope to fill the role of an informed fan, delivering the broadcast of the game with a fan’s passion but a reporter’s perspective. Still I think that can’t help but be filtered through the relationships you forge and the respect you engender for the players and coaches in the arena. I think the highest compliments I’ve received are from players and coaches who’ve praised my commentary even when it might have come at their expense. But I know I’ve never done a perfect game, never will. I sleep much better the night before the game than the night after, always thinking "I should have said that", or  "I should have been more on top of this." But I love the preparation and the anticipation. When it contributes to a good broadcast of an exciting game that the fans feel a part of, it’s an intoxicating feeling….one that makes live play-by-play the purest form of sports broadcasting that I feel incredibly lucky to have been a part of for a quarter of a century. I’m truly blessed.

Gina: Hakim is one example, but another one would be the Turley helmet toss. What was going through your mind at that moment? You sure seemed pissed off. Did you have to bite your tongue? What did you really want to say at that moment? Was your tone just the heat of that specific moment? Or was it more about Turley in general?

Jim Henderson: I remember feeling exactly that. I don’t remember too much about what I said at the time but in a commentary the next day I took issue with all the fans who bought into what a heroic thing Kyle Turley had done in defense of his defenseless quarterback. Actually it was an incredibly stupid thing that he had done that cost his team a chance at victory. I remember seeing center Jerry Fontenot….who was unofficially cast on the team as Turley’s "keeper"….trying to restrain him and reason with him….to no avail. Many others have had the same problem doing so since.

Jubilee Dunbar: Jim Henderson’s top 5 favorite Saints of all time, on a personal level. In no particular order:

Jim Henderson: That’s really hard to name only five. But here goes: Archie Manning, Hokie Gajan, Sam Mills, Morten Andersen, Deuce McAllister….classy individuals all who had the game and life in perspective.

Bill: Mr. Henderson, does someone in your position ever visit blogs or web forums? I know that some do. But do you? How aware of blogs and forums is the local sports media overall in your opinion?

Jim Henderson: I do routinely read forums….especially those on nola.com involving the news media, the Saints, and the Hornets. I stop at each to begin my day at the desk to try to get the pulse of the fans, short-cuts to the sites I wouldn’t have the time to read through each afternoon, and the latest news on Dawn Brown. Can’t speak for the rest of the local media, though I think they want to know the latest on Dawn Brown, too. (Note from GW: I agree.)

Pasty: Tony Kornheiser recently referred to the newspaper as a dead medium. A few weeks ago, Will Leitch of the popular blog Deadspin had a run-in with Buzz Bissinger, who lashed out at blogs and bloggers for “dumbing down” the discourse about sports. As an experienced and highly-regarded journalist, you probably have a few words to say about blogs and (more generally) about the global shift away from traditional, credentialed reporters and toward bloggers and citizen-journalists. What is your opinion (if any) on these changes? How have they affected you?

Jim Henderson: I’ve been largely unaffected by these changes to date but who knows what the future holds in a rapidly changing world of media. I do think you have to look at most of it as just diversion and entertainment, not as a search for truth and reason.

NolaChick: 1. Is it easy faking it and pretending you care about other New Orleans teams during the Saints offseason?

Jim Henderson: Actually I found myself caring very passionately about the Hornets this season and ever before this season. It was a terrific story that reflected so positively on our city. I do care about other teams during Saints season but my involvement in preparing for and broadcasting their games leaves little time to be much more than a casual fan of some of the others.

NolaChick: 2. Can you tell Lucy Bustamante her old salsa buddy aka “shakfreakah” said hey?

Jim Henderson: It would be my pleasure.

NolaChick: 3. How hard was it not to drop a myriad of spit-inducing f-bombs when you did that rant about payton after the Bucs game debacle.

Jim Henderson: The tricky thing about doing what we do is editing yourself on the fly. I have always tried to condition myself not to swear around a microphone, live or not. When that unfortunate fumble occured, I thought maybe I had been too pointed and too critical of the call. But after a chance to reflect prior to Sean Payton’s press conference after the game, I figured Sean would probably volunteer the same criticism that I had offered himself. He did….and he should have.

Friends of Arnie: What’s next for Jim Henderson after WWL? Any political aspirations?

Jim Henderson: Depends…depends on how soon I’ll be wearing them.

REALPEYTN: How would you describe the outlook on the future of the Saints staying in New Orleans with Rita soon to be in control of the team? Do you feel as though keeping the team in N.O will be more likely with her making the decisions?

I know a lot of times we hear the PR statements released through the leaders of the organization but I’m sure you could give a more qualified opinion than most. There have been a few things within the past few months that have built up my confidence in them staying, but I haven’t heard much about the negotiations or demands.

Jim Henderson: I do not see this team leaving anytime soon. Cooler and more reasonable heads have prevailed.

GW: You vs. Gramatica in a boxing ring. How many rounds before Marteen pleads "No mas"?

Jim Henderson: Bare fists….8 ounce gloves…or kick-boxing?

Jen: On a more personal note. Tell us a little about yourself. What do you do for fun? What kind of music do you like? Do you ever hang out with Bobby or Hokie or Archie or Kenny or any of those guys socially? What’s your favorite dinner? Any favorite movies or TV shows? That kind of stuff.

Jim Henderson: Love to fish…any kind….like to play tennis….like to work-out (in moderation). Like Beefeater martinis very dry on the rocks with anchovie olives…like 60′s music….there’s really never been music since…see Hokie and Archie in the off-season some but mostly we all go our own ways out of the football season. Favorite restaurants include Sal and Judy’s in Lacombe and Royal China on Vets. Only appointment TV besides sports is "The Office" which I record for weekend viewing.

Crazy George: McCain, Hillary or Obama?

Jim Henderson: None of the above…at the moment.

Barry Zuckercorn: Mt. Rushmore: Hap, Buddy D and Jim Henderson. In your opinion who’s next? Is the next great one even on the scene yet? Or is there someone you think will be joining you 3 at the table a few decades from now?

Jim Henderson: To be presumptive enough to think I warrant that company is flattering. I really like Mike Conte who works for WWL-Radio and does the Voodoo games. I think he has a very bright future.

Barry Zuckercorn: Of course a big part of that is sticking around, and it seems most of the good ones move on sooner or later. That’s probably the case just about everywhere, even New York, L.A. and Chicago. You’ve probably talked about this a million times, but we all know you’ve had your share of opportunities to move on. Why did you stay? Please tell me you have about 3 or 4 more decades in you before you’re ready to hang em up.

Jim Henderson: When people are nice enough to ask me that question I always answer "They never made me unhappy enough to leave." I quickly came to appreciate how lucky I was to combine a sports anchoring position at the dominant number one station with the chance to be the play-by-play voice of an NFL team. It’s a combination I don’t think many around the country enjoy. And I truly would rather live here in this part of the country than anywhere else.

Firstly, let me just say that I don’t have anything at all against the Hornets. In fact, I wish them nothing but success. I think it’s great that they’re (back) in New Orleans, I’m glad they’re winning, I’m glad they’re packing the arena and are creating such excitement in the city. I’m glad Hornets fans are having such a great time, and I hope it continues for as long as possible.

It’s just that I don’t give a crap about basketball. I’ve tried, but I just don’t have it in me. Football is my first love. There are pictures of me from before I could walk with all manner of Saints and LSU merchandise. I was pretty much born and bred a Saints/LSU fan. Other sports didn’t come until later for me, when I gained unsupervised access to cable tee vee. Summers out of school, two working parents and day games on WGN turned me into a Cubs fan. Baseball became my second love. (Little league helped a lot too. When it came to participation, I actually preferred baseball to football, and I still do today.)

The Jazz had already left for Salt Lake City by then, so by the time basketball entered my childhood consciousness, it was mainly because of Hawks games on (W)TBS. Never really became a Hawks "fan" per se, but hey, it was sports and it was on tee vee. I’ll have to ask my parents one of these days why, as far as I can remember, I was never really exposed to the Jazz while they were in town.

During my days as a basketball kinda-sorta-fan, I bounced around a little. I was fascinated by Dr. J and Daryl Dawkins, and I thought the name Mo Cheeks was funny, so I was a 76ers "fan" for a while. Eventually I changed allegiances to the Celtics. Why? Mainly because of that bitchin’ parquet floor at the Garden.

When the parents eventually agreed to put up a backboard in the driveway, I insisted on making my own. I didn’t want the prefab fiberglass high-school backboard everybody else had. I wanted a rectangular piece of thick plywood that we’d cut to NBA dimensions, and I’d stain and varnish to look like that bitchin’ parquet floor and paint the lines on myself. Eventually, I called a last-minute audible and decided that the trim wouldn’t be shamrock and white, but rather, LSU purple and mustard yellow. Good call. Damn was I proud of that thing. It didn’t even start to warp for at least two weeks. It sure was purty though. And that, folks, was the high point of my basketball fanhood. A really sweet-looking homemade backboard which ultimately proved to be of poor quality.

Still reading? Mind if I ask why?

I’m not sure why, but eventually I left basketball behind. It was never much more than an adolescent dalliance for me anyway… a plan-b pastime when there weren’t any "better" sports (or pseudo-sports) to play or to watch. So when the Hornets moved to town, it was barely a blip on my radar. "Hey, good for them. Good for New Orleans. More power to ‘em." But that’s been about it.

So I’m certainly not about to go all bandwagon Hornets fan here. I think what they’re doing is great, but this isn’t about basketball. No, Little Hap’s Dad has hipped me to an angle that’s far bigger than basketball: personal animosity. Grudge-holding. Stickin’ it to jerks. Chickens coming home to roost. Schadenfreude. Hell yeah, baby! Now that’s something I can really sink my teeth into.

Now I’m not gonna sit here and call Phil Hardberger names. As regular visitors to this here blog already know, we try to stay on the high road here at moosedenied. We’re not going to lower ourselves to sophomoric namecalling and petty vitriol here. The esteemed mayor of San Antonio, after all, is deserving of respect.

That being said, let’s pause for a second for no reason whatsoever to gaze upon these here pictures of a douchebag, a horse’s ass and a Rat Bastard:

The irony of it all (in the accurate sense of the word, not the Finney definition) is that in the end, Hardberger’s bumbling douchebaggery was probably as significant a contributing factor as any in the ultimate decision to drag Benson Football Incorporated kicking and screaming back to New Orleans. Second only to the herculean efforts of Joe Horn, that is.

Had Hardberger been capable of mustering even a modicum of humility, an ounce of tact, rather than incessantly shooting off at the mouth like some kind of… *ahem*… loose cannon… he might just have been able to pull it off. His complete inability to keep a public lid on his unbridled enthusiasm for looting the remains after the Federal Flood, even as sharks were still swimming through the streets of Metairie (or something) served only to add fuel to the public relations fire that would have accompanied the move that somewhere deep down we all know the NFL would have made if there were any way to sufficiently "finesse it."

Fortunately for us, Phil Hardberger is the antithesis of finesse. His compulsion to be a heartless, obnoxious jackass made it all but impossible for Tagliabue to continue down that road. Nothing like your opponent having a detestable, arrogant fuckwit for a spokesperson to galvanize public opinion against their cause.

So thanks, Mayor Hardberger. On some ironic level, we owe you our eternal gratitude for doing what perhaps only you were capable of doing: paving the Saints’ long road back home to where they belong. Your overwhelming asshattery benefitted us greatly, where a lesser asshat may have failed us. Thanks again. Now kindly go fuck yourself. Love, New Orleans.

Let it go? No way. Never. Not a chance in hell.

Being a sports fan is to a large extent an affair of the heart, and Hardberger wouldn’t know anything about that. So I doubt that Hardberger himself will suffer any personal anguish when the Hornets complete their humiliation of the Boot Accessories. But it does my heart good to know that he might.

So Geaux Hornets! The very idea that a Hornets win over the Boot Accessories amounts to a metaphorical swift kick to Phil Hardberger’s shriveled testicles is quite a compelling reason to care. Deeply.

But hey, here at moosedenied, we’re all about sportsmanship. So good luck to the Spurs and their diehard fans. Good luck to the city of San Antonio and their one big league sports franchise.

And good luck to you, mayor Hardberger. May you get everything you’ve got coming to ya.

Oh yeah, and… FYYFF.

It is our fervent hope that this page will serve to keep Saints fans up to date with the latest news on Kenny without having to go to the trouble of starting yet another thread on Saintsreport.com to ask.

We invite anyone starving for updated Kenny information to bookmark the page and refer back to it as often as needed. It’s available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and will be updated as events warrant.

In the meantime, we at moosedenied would like to wish Kenny all the best in his recovery from surgery, and would like to credit http://www.abevigoda.com for the concept we blatantly stole.

Even better, when you’re talking out of your ass about sports contracts, you can usually be pretty confident that whomever you’re talking to probably doesn’t know a whole hell of a lot about it either. So if you’re willing to speak in absolutes, present your opinions as facts, and can string together a few reasonably-coherent sentences, chances are you’ll come off like you know what you’re talking about.

But you don’t.

Message board reaction to any high-dollar signing is always the same. First, there are the cries of how absurdly [insert GM] “overpaid” for [insert player.] These are especially hilarious when they’re specific (“$9.43 million??? He’s not worth a penny over $9.37 million!!!”)

Then there are those who try to assign a dollar value to a given statistic. See, a touchdown is worth $1.13 million, a sack is worth $0.68 million, one rushing yard is worth $27,342.95 and so on. Then once we’ve established arbitrary dollar values for each stat, we simply add them up to determine exactly how stupid the GM was for “giving” the player more than that.

Others are big on “slotting” contracts based on their own subjective determination of the player’s relative merit. Dwight Freeney isn’t the best defensive defensive player of all time, therefore, he should never get a penny more than Lawrence Taylor got. Or Jack Lambert. Or Jim Thorpe. Name your favorite.

Thankfully, more often it’s the slightly-less-objectionable modified version of this stance. The one that grudgingly acknowledges inflation and at least confines the subjective valuations to the context of the current market. The question becomes “Is Freeney the best defensive player in the league right now?” Because if not, OMGOVERPAID!!!!!

Eventually, you’ll get the inevitable righteous grandstanding from a handful of people who actually believe the ridiculous notion that athletes should be paid according to their value to society. You know, the ones who believe that if there were any JUSTICE(!!!!!!!) football players would get $13/hour and cops/firefighters/teachers/[insert noble profession] would get the tens of millions. Those people should be, in ascending order of preferability: A) ignored, B) mocked mercilessly, C) kicked in the throat.

But most of the time what it comes down to is the mistaken notion that there’s some kind of objective scale out there that maps any given player’s overall impact on his team to a dollar value, and that it just needs to be discovered or otherwise established. Preferably by some really, really super-smart message board guy. Whether it’s an absolute scale like X stat = Y dollars, or a sliding scale like a merit-based “this guy is 20% better than that guy, therefore that guy’s contract should be 20% less than this guy’s contract” it’s all bullshit.

Player valuation isn’t science. Never was, never will be. There is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all, 100% objective dollar “value” for any player.

Which is not to say that mistakes aren’t made. Of course they are. Some GM’s make them more often than others. There is certainly such a thing as “overpaying.” But it’s impossible for an outside observer like Message Board Guy to determine with any degree of reliability whether or not the $9.46 million is a good deal or a bad deal for the team. That can only be judged in hindsight. The best the outside observer can do is to make an educated guess based on his own conclusions about the GM’s overall level of competence, which in turn is based on the GM’s past performance (again, hindsight.)

There’s nothing wrong with hindsight. Hell, it’s 20/20. Hindsight should be used whenever it’s available. But for some reason, on message boards, hindsight seems to be looked upon with contempt, while foresight is celebrated. The problem is that 99% of the time, message board foresight is bullshit. It’s little more than the guess of a person who’s not qualified to guess in the first place. You might as well flip a coin.

Here are a few questions for Message Board Guy who’s convinced that the “right” answer for Player X is $12.32 million a year over 7 years:

What if the coach thinks he’s an asshole? How much should he be docked for that? $1 million? $2 million? What if the coach thinks he’s a really huge asshole rather than just a kinda-sorta asshole?

What if he’s blocking a stud 6th round rookie that nobody knows is a stud yet? Is he still worth exactly the same amount of money?

Is the player worth the exact same amount of money to a contender as he is to a rebuilding team or a perpetual bottom-feeder?

What if he’s an unbelievable role model for a team full of young guys? How many dollars is that worth?

How many more dollars should he get if half the roster is going to go absolutely apeshit if you let him sign elsewhere? Or, similarly, let’s say you’re Green Bay… how many more dollars is a guy worth for the fact that Brett Favre will retire if you let him leave, and you’re up shit creek if Favre leaves because he’s the only thing putting asses in the seats at Lambeau?

How much less is a guy worth if there’s a better player at the position available in free agency? What if you can’t get that better player? What if you can get that better player, but then you find out that your coach thinks he’s an asshole?

How much less is a guy worth if he was born and raised in or around your geographical location, and desperately wants to play for your team because he’s a HOMER(!!!!)

How much more is a guy worth if you desperately need him, but he desperately wants to go elsewhere? How much money do you throw at him to overcome whatever personal objections he may have, assuming you can’t afford to lose him?

Unless you have access to information that you, as Message Board Guy, DO NOT have access to, how in the hell do you even begin to answer those questions? Some of those questions even the GM can’t really answer. He has to try to read the player’s mind, or the agent’s. He may have to call bluffs. He may have his own bluffs called. Often, he ultimately has to go with his gut and make the best guess he can.

And if he’s guessing, then what the fuck makes you think you’ve got it all figured out?

The bottom line is that there’s a reason they call it “the art of negotiation.” Not everything can be quantified. A player’s “value” is fluid, subjective, affected by more factors than you can possibly know as an outside observer, some of those factors being permanent, and some ever-changing.

The best you can hope for is that your GM is competent. That whatever dollar amount he assigns to a player at any given time is based on sound interpretations of the information at his disposal (which far exceeds the information at your disposal) and savvy decision-making.

Unless, of course, he tells the local paper that he thinks it’s “not right” that your Pro Bowl quarterback makes more than the hard-working person who’s exposing thirty of your local braindead teenagers to the wonders of Beowulf. If he says that, then you might as well just shoot yourself in the face.