Alright Barkevious, it's high time we set a few things straight here before this situation gets out of hand.

Look, I know that Sean Payton wasted little time last week in putting the Spaghead Experience™ to its merciful end, and that he has publicly stated that the Saints will be moving to a 34 defense this fall. I'm aware of the fact that this has plenty of Saints fans daydreaming of a return to the good old days of the Dome Patrol. I bet you think you ought to be a part of that project, don't you Barkevious? Who do you think you are, former New Orleans Saints linebacker Pat Swilling? Continue Reading…

I'm not sure what planet I was on last weekend, but if any of you know how I might go about getting back there, I'd appreciate a heads up on that.

It was paradise, I tells ya. There was Barbecue Beefy Mac and synthetic weed for everyone! Les Miles was outsmarting Nick Saban, the Saints were breaking off 30+ yard rushes, Reggie Bush was putting up 142 yards from scrimmage while boning the Dolphins out of Andrew Luck, Tim Tebow was throwing for two touchdowns, hamburgers were eating people. It was a total mindfuck! I love you, Dr. Zaius! You've finally made a monkey out of me. Continue Reading…

I hope to spew forth a little Saints/Pants hackery this afternoon. In the meantime, behold this shining example of why the baby Jesus invented the YouTubes. Courtesy of slowchild25 at The Pool Party. I am unbelievably amused. Hammer, meet nail. I mean, this just says it all, doesn't it? (Note: audio is necessary)

Sincerely,
 

(Originally posted 9/26/08. Can’t wait to bump it again about this time next year.)

Take your pick.

Today, we shamelessly rip borrow a gimmick theme from those magnificent bastards at KSK. Who ya got?

¿Quién es más macho?

Have a grreat day!

And if you’ve got a problem with that?

WARNING: This post is gonna suck. There really oughta be some kind of Viagra for bloggers. Or something. Hey, I get as many spam emails for wang enhancement as the next guy, but they’re never for the kind of wang enhancement I’m in need of right about now.

Originally, I had intended to post a detailed statistical analysis of why Ohio State really doesn’t need to even bother showing up at the Dome on January 7. Seriously, I’ve got spreadsheets and everything. I spent several hours transposing numbers from cfbstats.com into Open Office, then translating numbers into bullet points asserting LSU’s clear statistical dominance going in.

Then a funny thing happened… I realized I was boring the hell out of myself. And I realized I couldn’t subject you good people to that.

Oh sure, I could have jazzed it up a bit. For example, I was going to title it "I think I’m goin’ to Statmandu" which, come on, you have to admit that Bob Seger references just don’t get any more clever than that. Sure, Bob Seger references empirically suck to begin with, but I must confess that it amused the hell out of me. Continue Reading…

Payton: Hi again, guys. Thanks for agreeing to join another teleconference. My balls are really in a vise right about now, and I could really use some advice. They’re really turning the heat up on me, and the Reggie issue is starting to feel like it might be getting out of control.

Carroll: Duuuudes, what’s shakin’? Yeah, that’s my Reggie! Totally out of control! Dude is a party animal. God I miss that guy. I remember this one time we went down to Baja with Matt and we got totally wasted on the beach. Anyway, this chica walks up, and Reggie goes…

Payton: No, Pete. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the local media and the fans down here seem to be starting to turn on him. He really has had a disappointing season, and they’re…

Haslett: Did I not fucking tell you, Sean? Did I not tell you that’s what those assholes would do eventually? They’ll turn on you in a heartbeat. They did the same thing to me & my Top 5 quarterback. These people don’t know how to treat a superstar. They act like once you give them tens of millions of dollars, they’re not supposed to suck. I don’t get it. And then they act like it’s your fault. God I hate them. Continue Reading…

Don’t you know I’m loco?

Insanity. 48 hours of total fucking insanity. Saturday morning: LSU’s coming off a loss. Going into an SEC Championship game that most LSU fans were pretty sure was a 50/50 proposition at best, starting their backup QB. Wondering who the opponent would be in the Cotton or, if we’re lucky, maybe the Cap1 Bowl. In an ironic role-reversal, Kirk Herbstreit, playing the role of internet message board douchebag, informs us that his super-secret "sources" have told him that Coach Miles was headed to Michigan.

About an hour later, I swear I could almost hear Jim Ross saying "My… MY GOD!!! I think that’s…. my God… that’s Coach Miles’ music!!!" Business was about to pick up. I could almost see the pyrotechnics as Coach Miles…. WALKED THAT ISLE (WOOOOOOO!) and, just like that, blew it all sky high. "You have a grrreat day."

The next several hours were a complete blur. Tracy Wolfson… Jonathan Zenon… Bob Stoops… Dave Wannstedt… Jack Daniel… Vladimir Stolichnaya… Lou Holtz’s head exploding. When the smoke cleared, LSU’s 33-6 head coach had spurned his alma mater, for whom he has a permanent and very public hard-on, the Tigers were the SEC Champions and well on their way to the BCS Championship Game. Holy…. shit.

Then Sunday came. Continue Reading…

The time will come
When we will be as one
Gonna feel the jones*
And nobody knows 
how we really feel
They don’t know the deal
We’ve got to put this back together
And sing our word to the mutha
Bringin’ it right back where we started from
And send our word to the mutha

Welcome to the First Annual moosedenied.com Thanksgiving Post, bitches. I wasn’t sure where to go with this little gimmick theme, but lately it occurs to me that it’s high time to show a little appreciation for The Hat.

I don’t know whether or not Coach Miles will be going to Michigan. And neither does anybody else, despite the fact that it seems everybody but me thinks they know. I don’t believe them, and neither should you. But what I do know is that LSU has been damn fortunate to have had Coach Miles here. So thanks, Coach. Thanks for everything. And should you decide, for whatever reasons, that your best option is to stay, thanks in advance for that. Continue Reading…

Continue Reading…