Don’t look now, but I do believe we’ve got a streak on our hands! It’s gonna be hug and munch all the way to Chicago. Yeah, we bad. Get back now, you don’t want none of this. Or something.

At this point, the Saints are still little more than a tight-assed whitey with some funky threads and a little shoe polish on their face, but you get the sense that their hips are starting to loosen up a bit. Nothing like a home game against a team that’s in worse shape than Ron Mexico’s genitals to keep that process moving right along. Oh, and thanks, Detroit.

Welcome to the soft underbelly of the schedule, bitches. Opponents’ scores before the bye: 41, 31, 31. Since: 16, 17, 16. Saints scores before the bye: 10, 14, 14. Since: 13, 21*, 22. If it weren’t for that abomination of a 4th quarter against Carolina, the Saints would already be back to .500 for the year.

But since that abomination of a 4th quarter did happen, we’ll have to settle for a 2-game winning streak and a game coming up against a team that’s every bit as crappy as Atlanta is. Hey, I’ll take it.

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Payton: Thanks for calling in, guys. I’m up shit creek right about now and I could really use some input on how to right this ship.

Miles: No problem, coach. Happy to help.

Carroll: Duuuuuuuuudes! What’s shakin’? What do you think of the hair, bitches? I’m telling you, that Consuela is a fuckin’ magician! God I look good!

Saban: Les, you still haven’t thanked me for all those recruits, asshole.

Payton: Guys, I’m desperate here. Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. We can’t throw, we can’t catch, we can’t run, we can’t kick, we can’t play defense. I’m sinking here, can anybody help?

Carroll: You gotta give the ball to Reggie, brother. Give it to Reggie and light up a j, dude. Regggggeeeeeee. Duuuude. Continue Reading…

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Bet you didn’t know that we here at moosedenied "know people." Oh yeah, we’re VIPs. When we’re not eating pizza with Dulymus or hanging at the Bad Newz barber shop with Aaron Brooks, we’re drunk-dialing various notables to see if we can actually get them on the phone. Recently we were able to convince the lady at the front desk at LSU’s athletic department that it would be a good idea to put us through to coach Les Miles. And she bought it. Holy shit! We hit the motherlode, as during the conversation with coach Miles, a handful of other notables actually returned our voice mails and we were able to conference them in. Sounding exactly like Screamin’ A. Smith on the phone has its benefits. Anyway, here’s a transcript…

GW: Hi coach Miles, thanks for taking my call.
Miles: I’m not discussing Michigan. I’m not discussing it at home, I’m not discussing it here, I’m not discussing it in a boat, I’m not discussing it with a goat, I’m not discussing it in a tree, I’m not……

GW: I understand, coach. No problem.
Miles: Good. Because I’m not discussing Michigan. Continue Reading…

Yikes.

I would like to take this opportunity to send my heartfelt thanks to the LSU football team for giving me just enough reason not to shoot myself in the face and crotch this weekend. LSU’s performance was the only thing keeping it from being one of the more craptacular weekends in recent memory. I knew that being a shameless HOMER(!!!!!!) would come in handy someday.

The Saints’ performance last Thursday night was straight up asstastic. Coach Mora said it best: "It was a horseshit performance in the second half. Horseshit." It was an ass-kicking of epic proportions. A humiliating kick to the crotch. Not since the last time the Saints played Indy have they been so completely and thoroughly handled.

I won’t bore or further sicken you, or myself, by rehashing the gory details. We’ve all hashed it and rehashed it ad infinitum since then. Those of us who are masochistic enough to spend time on message boards have watched as hundreds have tried for the last four days to one-up one another and win the coveted "most inane, overwrought, nonsensical hissy-fit" award. If the game didn’t make you cry, surely the aftermath has made you weep for the state of the human condition amongst the message board population. Continue Reading…

Confession: I came dangerously close to titling this post: “I can feel it coming in Pierre tonight, oh Lord.”

How wrong would that have been? I’d have had to punch my own self in the groin. There are just some things that you shouldn’t say in public, and bad puns off Phil Collins references have to be right near the very top of that list.

At any rate, last night those of us who are not only Saints fans but also shameless HOMERS(!!!!) got to enjoy a nice heaping plate of Triple Happiness. The Saints’ preseason has mercifully come to an end without any kind of significant misfortune, LSU took it to Sly and the Family Croom to the tune of 45-0, and… um… uh… I know there’s a third thing. We’ll go with Ryan Perrilloux not doing anything last night to get himself kicked off the team. Yeah. (At least nothing that’s being reported yet.)

It was a good night to be a fan of the two Louisiana-based football teams that count. That is, unless you’re one of those perpetually-miserable assholes who call themselves “realists.” Actually, those guys are happy too this Friday afternoon… they’re happy because they got themselves a triple dose of shit to bitch and moan about: the impending release of Pierre Thomas, the implosion of Olindo Mare and… um… uh… well, I guess there’s always Les Miles. Continue Reading…

Sorry about not writing up a preview yesterday. I was planning to, but most of my down time yesterday was spent embroiled in a bit of an internet controversy!!! (insert suspenseful music here)

It begins, bitches! LSU is all set to notch #1 of their 14 consecutive wins for the 2007 season as they head to Scott Field to take on Sly and the Family Croom.

Meantime, the Saints (kinda) will be facing the Miami Dolphins (kinda) in a light workout so that the coaches can tell all the guys they cut tomorrow that they had a shot. Continue Reading…