Meet Byron Anton "At least he ain’t Joey" Leftwich.

Passing: 2 for 8, 28 yards, 0 TDs, 1 INT
Passer rating: 2.1

SMELL THE FEAR! SMELL IT!!!

He is owning you with his eyes, don’t even deny it. The steely resolve, the intensity, the will to win. It cuts right through to your very soul.

In other news, Suzy Kolber is teh preggers. It was just a matter of time. What Joe Namath wants, by God, Joe Namath gets.

You know that you’re not exactly sitting on top of the world when even your staunchest defenders can muster little more than: “Hey, he’s not that bad!”

When page three of the Google Image Search results for your name includes a picture of an assortment of butt plugs.

When the most pressing issue facing your current employer is finding some kind of way, any kind of way, to avoid having to put you on the field.

When your boss is asked how the offense will function with you at the helm, and his response is: Hey, ANYOBDY could run this offense. (…even this schmuck, if, God forbid, it comes to that.)

Oh sure, he has millions of dollars, but… but… wait, what was my point again? Oh, that’s right. Being Joey Harrington must be pretty sweet. Give me tens of millions of dollars and I’ll gladly be a walking joke. Seems to be working out alright for Aaron Brooks. more…

One of the great things about being a sports fan, a message board guy, or Kenny Wilkerson, is that you get to talk out of your ass about things you really don’t know a whole hell of a lot about.

Even better, when you’re talking out of your ass about sports contracts, you can usually be pretty confident that whomever you’re talking to probably doesn’t know a whole hell of a lot about it either. So if you’re willing to speak in absolutes, present your opinions as facts, and can string together a few reasonably-coherent sentences, chances are you’ll come off like you know what you’re talking about.

But you don’t. more…

It seems that about the worst possible label a sports fan can be tagged with in 21st Century America is the dreaded “homer” label.

On the web, it usually appears more like this: “OMGHOMER!!!!1!!!1″

Playing the homer card is the convenient, all-purpose cop-out that opposing fans (as well as perpetually-miserable assholes who like to call themselves “realists” use to pigeonhole any and all positive projections regarding a given player or team, without having to actually go to the trouble of forming a coherent counterpoint. It’s sort of a sports version of Godwin’s Law, except without the best part of Godwin’s Law: the person who has to resort to it LOSES. more…

Down in [tag]Tampa[/tag], they’re expecting a bounce-back year from the [tag]Bucs[/tag] and their brand new bearded quarterback, Fabulous [tag]Jeff Garcia[/tag].

Boy, they’re gonna be pretty pissed off in a couple of months.

It’s not that I don’t think they’ll be an improved team. In fact, I started writing this fully expecting to predict something along the lines of 7 wins for the Bucs this fall.

Fabulous Bearded Jeff should be a significant upgrade from the parade of boobs they ran out there last year. Surely [tag]Cadillac Williams[/tag] is better than the 800 yards and 1 TD he put up last year. [tag]Gaines Adams[/tag] and [tag]Cato June[/tag] ought to be fine additions to an aging defense that gave up 22 points per game last year.

Then I looked at their schedule. Ouch, babe. more…

The Pants enter 2007 with just one question that we’ll all agree really isn’t all that important anyway:

Who’s their quarterback?

Ouch.

Oh sure, they’ll tell you that Jake Delhomme is their guy. But they don’t mean it. At least they might not. I don’t think they’re really sure. And that’s a problem. You don’t play it by ear at QB. But it looks like that’s exactly what they’re planning to do.

Jake has been a hell of a QB for the Pants for the last few years, there’s no denying that. But you get the feeling that they’ve always wanted something better. And now that they finally have someone else on the roster who, at least theoretically, doesn’t suck, you have to wonder how long they’ll be able to resist the urge to go with the younger, bigger, stronger former first-pick-overall who still has the “But I was in Houston!” thing taking much of the heat for his underwhelming performance so far. more…

You know what’s great about the Falcons? They blow. Hard. This team is in worse shape than Ron Mexico’s genitals.

Big East offensive guru Bobby Petrino goes into the season wondering why Murray State isn’t on the schedule having to decide whether to try to reclaim The Great Joey Harrington or hand the reigns to DJ Shockley while Michael Vick tries to avoid eye contact with the jury. Sucks to be him.

Here’s the catch-22 for Petrino: Last year Atlanta was #1 in the NFL in rushing offense, but could still only manage #12 in total offense. Why? Because Michael Vick sucks at passing. more…