This weekend, your 8-0 Saints are all set to hop aboard the Creole Queen and head up the river to take on the 1-7 St. Louis Rams of Anaheim.

Just a friendly heads up to our heroes… if they ask you to deboard on the starboard side, it’s a trap. Insist on deboarding on the port side. Trust me. You do not want to be standing on land east of the Arch. See, this is where not signing Gerald Sensabaugh comes back to bite you in the ass.

Of course, by the time they get there, the Rams’ convoy of Mayflower trucks might already be halfway to Orange County. Those cricket noises you hear are the sound of millions of Angelinos still not giving a shit.

Ordinarily I’d be all for the opponent skipping town and leaving the Saints 9-0 without even having to unpack. I’m sure the Saints would love to be able to turn around and get out of that god forsaken hellhole as quickly as possible. (After all, you know how much the Saints hate god forsaken hellholes.)

But not this week. This week is for fattening up on chumps. This week is about padding stats across the board. 60 full minutes of garbage time to ratchet up the assault on the record books. This week is about "getting right" after three consecutive comparatively "ugly" wins, including one where the margin of victory was a mere 8 points.

The Saints need this game. The game itself is more important than just the W. Hell, the W is a given. But that points per game average isn’t just gonna jump back above 40 on its own. The average margin of victory isn’t just gonna magically get back above 20. The Saints have already put up a bunch of goose eggs once this year in week 5 against the Bye Week Fightin’ Consumer Whores. They can’t afford another week like that.

So don’t even think about it, Rams. It’s not that we blame you for wanting that moment when the Arch slips below the horizon in your rear view mirror to happen as soon as possible, but it’s gonna have to wait until at least Sunday night. I’m just sayin’, it would be a shame for innocent Clydesdales to have to pay the price if you don’t show.

Because it’s time to get greedy. It’s time to declare a two-week amnesty for concerning one’s self with individual stats and accolades. It’s time to go ahead and indulge, if only to get it out of your system. It’s time to go ahead and drop the 60. Twice. Come on, you know you wanna.

I want hotdogging, showboating, taunting and all manner of general-purpose gridiron jackassery. I want the long-awaited backflip, between the legs underhand pass to Zach Strief for a touchdown. I want Drew wearing a headband with "GOODELL" written in Marks-A-Lot on it. I want Anthony Hargrove to attempt an extra point. Just for the hell of it.

I want Reggie Bush to duct-tape over the nameplate on the back of his jersey, have somebody write "Hakim" on the tape, and then intentionally muff a punt. Sorry, Reg. Gotta take one for the team(‘s amusement), bro. On the plus side, you’ll be all over Sportscenter. High five!

I mean, it’s not like Sean Payton couldn’t just tell Sharper "Hey 42, that was for you. Go get yourself another 90 yards and 6. You’re welcome." After all, the Rams lead the league in defensive touchdowns by opponents. High five once again!

They’re also dead last in the league in scoring, with an average of 9.6 points per game. The Saints’ defense might singlehandedly put up more than that by halftime. By the time Reggie pulls his Hakim shoutout with 1:47 remaining in the 4th, the Saints’ defensive backfield alone might have already exceeded the Rams’ season-high point total of 20.

Yeah, it’s that bad. The Rams are 6-34 since 2007. They just ended a 17 game losing streak… by beating Detroit.

For crying out loud, their head coach is this guy:

They’re 28th in total defense, 29th in scoring defense, 23rd in passing defense and 27th in rushing defense. All this while scoring less than 10 points per game. Oof.

Not only does their quarterback have a broken finger on his throwing hand and a rotator cuff problem, he also blows. (68.2 passer rating, 55.9% completions, 3 touchdowns, 4 interceptions.)

Spagnuolo’s been swearing up and down this week that he’s not about to make a change at quarterback though. And I don’t blame him one bit, given that his backup is Kyle Boller, who also blows. (66.1 passer rating, 57% completions, 2 touchdowns, 3 interceptions.)

Between them, they’ve been sacked 16 times. Ouch. Hey, assuming Grant doesn’t end up getting stabbed in the neck outside an East St. Louis night club, maybe this is the week he has one of those patented Reggie Bush "breakout games." Just sayin’, it could happen.

Their "#1 receiver" is out for the season, and their #2 wideout is hurt as well. Not to mention the fact that he’s Donnie Avery.

Where are Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce when you need ‘em? Oh wait, I think I know this. 1999? Oooooh, that’s gotta hurt.

Oh sure, they do have Steven Jackson, and that guy is a monster. No question about it. But that’s all they’ve got. Hell, even Carolina has a Steve Smith. And Jackson has a whopping one touchdown run on the year, same as Lynell Hamilton.

The Rams’ offense has 7 touchdowns on the year. The Saints’ defense has 6.

Defensively, the Rams do have 6 interceptions on the year. Unfortunately, none of them have come from their corners. I’m sure you’re already thinking it, so I’ll say it….

Know what the Rams need? They need Jason David. High five!

Any chance this could happen between now and Sunday? Hey, they snagged Danny Gorrer off the Saints’ practice squad a couple weeks ago, and Jason David beat him out in camp! I mean, he’s no Fakhir Brown or anything, but Fakhir Browns don’t exactly grow on trees. Just sayin’.

So… uh… yeah. Aaaaanyway, scared about this being a "trap game?" Worried that the Saints might be looking ahead to week 12, Monday night in the Dome vs. The Mighty Patriots? Concerned that the Saints might be getting too comfy with the whole "Meh, we’ll just totally put a foot in their asses in the 4th quarter" thing?

That’s why the Saints oughta make this game, and the next one, (but especially this one… dome/turf… ) about cheap stats. Grandstanding. Hotdogging. Leading by 40 at the half. Kneeling on first down in the third quarter, only to go five wides and throw deep to Devery/Meachem on second down. (FUCK YEAH!)

Because, let’s be real here. Until the playoffs, what else do we have left to hold our interest at this point? Oh sure, the standings and whatnot are lovely and all. But… well… Ws and Ls are so early October. Surely they’ll be coming back into fashion after Thanksgiving. But until then…

You know as well as I do that somewhere deep down, you love the stats. You know you’re totally geeking out on the notion of the Saints breaking the single season scoring record, the defensive scoring record, and all that good shit. You know you want Sharper to get himself into the record books 3 or 4 times this year, with a fleur upside his head.

The Saints are Saints fans too, and you can bet that they’re geeking out over all the same things. They’re just not supposed to talk about it. And for the most part, they don’t.

But if you’re looking for motivation for an 8-0 team who hasn’t been playing nearly it’s best football for the last 3 weeks, and is heading into two straight "trap games" against bottomfeeder opponents, if you’re running out of new and exciting ways to behold the many ways in which the Saints are a bunch of badass mofos who absolutely stink of greatness, if you’re at a loss as to how the Saints could possibly one-up themselves yet again and win a game in a way we’ve never seen before, if you’re at all worried that the Saints might get complacent at 8-0 (or might have gotten and stayed complacent since 5-0… )

…well, then I’d like to suggest that the solution to all those things is to go all Gordon Gecko with it. Embrace the greed. Release the inner stat hound. Indulge. Consider it an early Non-Denominational General-Purpose Federal Winter Holiday gift to yourself. Kick a bunch of ass, eat a shitload of turkey, and be ready to get back to the real fuckin’ work on Black Friday.

Edited to add: WTF is up with this douche?