Because they spent the weekend drafting five dudes whom perpetually-butthurt alleged professional NFL columnist Pete Prisco had never heard of. Which might have been embarrassing for the alleged unclefucker and esteemed fully-credentialed member of the Alleged Legitimate Media™, assuming he actually gives a shit. Fortunately for Pete, all indications are that he doesn't. I suspect he was too busy coming up with incredibly clever quips about eating some steaming hot poutine down in beautiful downtown Ruh-JYE-na. Or something.

It's a shame for Pete that he didn't bother to go to the trouble of boning up on the mid-round guys enough to at least be able to hang in there with your average Message Board Guy. Because if he had put a little elbow grease into his draft prep, even just a little, he wouldn't have missed the golden opportunity to indignantly point out how fitting it was that the Saints would take the guy who GOT KICKED OUT OF AMERICAN COLLEGE FOOTBALL!!! Probably because Hicks was SO GODDAMNED ARROGANT and THOUGHT HE WAS ABOVE THE LAW!!!

I mean, of course the Saints took That Guy. Probably on direct orders from Mr. Arrogant™ himself, in blatant violation of the terms of his well-earned suspension.

Confusing pick though. I always thought that Canada was where you go to avoid the draft. Hiyoooo!

Anyway, I'm sure Pete will take to Twitter and drop a quip or three somewhere along those lines just as soon as he figures out the whole Google thing and discovers Hicks's sordid past.

Pete: Canada doesn't have Google, dumbass. And even if they did, then I'd have to figure out how to translate the page from Canadian to English. And I don't have time for that shit, I'm a journalist!

Meantime, he's pretty sure Hicks blows (he has to, right???) and the Saints blew it big time over the weekend. Probably because Loomis and Payton are so arrogant. But mostly because Pete's never heard of any of these guys. If Loomis weren't such a bastard, he'd have done the smart thing and taken a guy Pete had heard of, like Trent Richardson or Ryan Tannehill. But nooooo. Loomis thinks he's soooo smart, he can afford to take a guy from Canada. CANADA! Or possibly Toronto!

Pete: Ha! What an idiot! Loomis probably doesn't even know that in Canada, "football" means soccer! I'm pretty sure Loomis just used his first pick on a soccer player! Clearly he needs to upgrade his alleged listening device. Also… um… uh… BOUNTY! ARROGANT ALLEGED BOUNTY DEVICE! Derp.

Guh.

Bless your heart, Pete. Nobody fucks uncles quite like you. (Allegedly.)

Anyway, those of us who had been… you know… actually paying some semblance of attention, knew exactly who Akiem Hicks is. Or at least we knew who he was a couple years ago. We probably never watched any Regina Rams games, but that still puts us about three steps ahead of Pete. Four if you count the fact that we know Sacramento isn't the capital city of Saskatchewan.

Pete: I knew that, asshole. Sacramento is the capital of Alberta. They speak French there. And some Portuguese. They also drive on the wrong side of the road. That's how arrogant they are.

Welp, you win this round, Pete. Legitimate Media™ indeed.

Predictably, (a few weeks ago) Pete reached deep into his own ass and pulled out a grade of "F" for the Saints' 2012 draft class. That's what it was gonna be no matter what, even if Loomis had hatched some nefarious scheme to cheat his way into landing Trent Richardson, Morris Claiborne, Mark Barron, Justin Blackmon and Chandler Jones (because Pete's only familiar with about two of those guys.)

But it's hard to argue against the Saints' 2012 draft class being uninspiring at best. Woefully short on instant gratification, anyway. Which sucks for us, I suppose. Guess we'll just have to wait until a couple of these chumps make the Pro Bowl some media-concocted All Pro list or another before we can go ahead and fap to 'em in good conscience.

Meantime, contrary to Pete's allegedly well-reasoned skepticism regarding the Saints' drafting some kind of crazy poutine-eating soccer guy from Sacramento Alberta who probably can't even read the playbook because he doesn't speak English, Hicks has "The Defense's Answer To Jahri Evans" written all over him. In French. Or possibly Portuguese.

Why? Because I said so. Sign me up, CBS Sports dot com!

As long as he's not arrogant enough to demand that the Saints send Henry Ellard to pick him up from the airport, that is. That's gotta be some kind of violation. Somebody get Kenny Wilkerson and/or Tim Landry on the phone, stat! Where's Myles Brand when you need him?

Mike Mayock, Mike Lombardi and Bill Polian (guys who also pay a shitload more attention than Pete, as evidenced by their actually knowing who Akiem Hicks is) beg to differ with Pete's assessment as well. They loved the pick.

Mayock: I'm just a tiny bit concerned about this kid's stiff ankles. But this kid's other joints? You'd need an Erlenmeyer flask, or some similar containment apparatus, to keep them from flowing all over the damn place. This kid is my kinda kid.

In your face, Pete!

Look, nobody has the slightest fucking clue whether or not Hicks will pan out. At least he filled a need. Which you're not supposed to do. (That is, until you don't. At which point, they're all over you for not addressing the needs they've projected upon you.) You'd have to be one arrogant bastard to draft for need rather than doing it the right way and taking the mythical… all together now… best player available. The problem with that is that nobody ever agrees on who the best player available is either.

All you've gotta do is read a few of those annual "Re-drafting a previous year's first round" articles and note all the mid/late-round guys, including quite a few Saints players, who 3-4 years down the road "shoulda" been drafted in the first round. How come nobody was calling Jahri Evans or Marques Colston or Jimmy Graham or Carl Nicks the "best available player" at the time?

You hear the draft referred to as a "crap shoot" about a thousand times every year leading up to the draft. Then once draft weekend rolls around, all of a sudden it's supposed to be some kind of fucking exact science. If the "best player available" on your board is someone generally assumed to go a round or two later, then either you're wrong and he's not actually the BPA, or it's assumed that you could have just snapped your fingers and traded down to accumulate some free shit while still getting your guy at a better "value." Because "value" is absolute, and there's absolutely no chance whatsoever that you'll end up boning yourself out of your guy because everybody knows he'll still be there. So you take the guy and everybody starts screaming "REACH!!!" Except Pete, who just smirks and yawns and says "Meh, never heard of him. He must suck. Or something. I'll have to Google him one of these days."

It was clearly a "swing for the fences" risk/reward type of pick. And that works just fine for me. This team has been trying to find defensive tackles for a fuckin' decade. At least this time they didn't have to spend multiple picks to trade up in the first round to take yet another shot at it. That in and of itself is reason enough for me to give the pick a grade of… Eh?

Chris Berman: Ha! I see what you did there!

The Saints continued the Canadian theme by taking wideout Nick Toon in the 4th.

Berman: Wait, wait, I think I know where you're going with this. Nick "Saska" Toon, right? Ha! Brilliant!

High five! Now shut the fuck up, Berman. Seriously, I'm beggin' ya.

It took Message Board Guy all of about three seconds to start crying about how wideout wasn't a need. Not that you're supposed to draft for need, because that would be stupid and wrong. Best player available! That is, unless he's a quarterback. Or apparently, a wideout. Or any number of other positions. Not that we're advocating drafting for need though.

After all, clearly Adrian Arrington and Joe Morgan are Pro Bowlers All Pros in waiting. And don't even get me started on Montez Billings and Andy Tanner!

Worse yet, if you feel like you just have to draft a wideout to take Meachem's place, why would you go with a big Colston clone possession receiver instead of a burner to play the Meachem role?

Well, for one thing, this just in: The Saints haven't really been a "vertical" bombs-away type offense for quite a while now. Oh sure, they still take their "shot plays" down the field. They'll never not do that. But recently, more and more of their big yardage plays come on screens and swing passes to Sproles and Pierre, deep middle routes to Graham, and YAC plays. There's always the occasional busted coverage and the occasional flea flicker. But these days, they're more of a traditional "west coast" dink and dunk type offense for the most part, predicated on an incredibly high completion percentage on low-risk passing plays, moving the chains and *gasp* possessing the ball. 15 play drives are up, 1 play drives are down. Time of possession is up. Most of the yardage on "big plays" is more likely to come with the ball already in the receiver's hands rather than when the ball's in the air.

And it's been working pretty well, has it not? Sure, you still want a burner or two on the roster, if only to keep opposing safeties deep and stretch defenses. Devery might not be as fast as he used to be, but it's not like he can't still get down the field. Hell, he led the team in yards per catch in 2011. For that matter, The Great Adrian Arrington ended up tied with Meachem in YPC. And Colston, Graham and even Lance Moore weren't far behind. Gone are the days of the Saints having one or two guys putting up 20+ yards per catch. This offense just doesn't work that way anymore. And all indications are that that's a good thing.

Why wouldn't you want a Colston clone? That's clearly the "type" of wideout that works best in this particular offense. And this offense is plenty "diversified" enough without having to worry about the so-called "redundancy" of having a carbon copy of its best wideout on the roster. Especially considering the degree to which Colston's absence is felt when he misses games, and his presence is felt when he gets back on the field.

(Confession: How do I know I'm an old man? A non-breeding old man at that? Because I only barely get the whole "Nick Toons" gag. And if it weren't for all the hotlinked images, I probably wouldn't get it at all. I quit watching Nickelodeon right around the time Alanis Morrisette took her last green slime dump on You Can't Do That On Television. And I haven't watched cartoons since Bugs Bunny and Tom & Jerry came to the realization that they were jaw-droppingly racist. GET OFF MY LAWN!)

Message Board Guy: But we neeeeeeed defensive backs! And pass rushers! And pretty much any other defensive position! And a tight end!

I found it incredibly amusing over the weekend that after Loomis signed three(!!!) linebackers and a defensive tackle in free agency, and had just drafted another defensive tackle, Message Board Guy was still trying to "transform the defense." On day 3. With late-round rookies. Great plan! Good luck with aaaall that.

Look, I'd have liked for the Saints to have drafted Ron Brooks too. I'd have supported that wholeheartedly. But rookie corners are only good for two things: riding the pine and being set on fire by opposing wideouts. The Saints may be thin at the position right about now, but a day 3 rookie isn't likely to solve that. That's like trying to "solve" The Drew Issue by drafting Jordan Jefferson.

I just don't see any point in trying to "fill a hole" with a guy you're hoping and praying will never see the field.

Don't get me wrong, I'm quite familiar with the benefit of having "depth." But does a day 3 rookie corner really qualify as bona fide depth? Can you really say you've got depth when you know without a doubt that you're straight fucked if that "depth" has to actually line up in a real game? Do Chase Daniel(s) and Sean Canfield make the Saints "deep" at quarterback? Would Kellen Moore have made them deeper?

Sure, it's great to have developmental guys at the bottom of your depth chart. If you only have 3 bona fide NFL corners on the roster right at the moment, give me a late-round rookie over, oh, let's say Jason David. I get it. But there's a big difference between that and "The Saints need to draft 2 or 3 corners in case Greer and Robinson go down this fall." Ron Brooks or Josh Norman or Brandon Boykin wouldn't have been any better a solution to that problem than Cord Parks or Josh Victorian or Kamaal McIlwain would be. Not in the short term, anyway.

Pete Prisco: I have no idea who any of those guys are.

But hey, they went ahead and gave it a shot anyway by taking a defensive back in the fifth. Corey White, CB/S, Samford.

Pete: You dumb bastard. It's STANFORD.

No, Pete. No it's not. It's SAMFORD.

Pete: Oh great. Another fucking Canadian. ARROGANCE! Anyway, never heard of him. Must be a chump. Shoulda taken that Maurice Claiborne dude.

Duly noted, Pete. Way to be all over it.

On the other hand, I'm not gonna sit here and try to tell you I had any fucking clue who this guy is either. All I know is that we here at moosedenied will be referring to him as "Kaare" henceforth.

Pete: That's how they spell "Corey" in Canada.

Something like that, Pete. Something like that.

Any number of semi-closeted bigots at Saintsreport: Welp, at least we got ourselves a White guy. High five!

Anyway, the Saints took off to the Great White North yet again (close enough, anyway) in the 6th round and took an offensive lineman from Syracuse. It is, after all, a beauty way to go. (As long as Tiller's jersey doesn't ride up over his gut, that is.)

Pete: Hmmmmm. Wisconsin, Syracuse… One has to wonder what kind of crazy shenanigans Loomis must have gotten himself involved in this time. Because clearly he got turned away at the border for some reason. TWICE!!! And in his arrogance, he just figured "Fuck it. I'll just settle for one of these local guys." But the real question here is WHY HAS MICKEY LOOMIS BEEN BANNED FROM CANADA?!? Clearly they know something we don't. Yet. I'm about to investigate the shit out of this! To the Googles!

Yeah. You do that, Pete. I'm sure you'll be getting to the bottom of it in short order.

And they wrapped it up with another offensive lineman in the 7th. This one slightly less morbidly obese, and out of Nebraska.

Pete: A HA! YET ANOTHER CANADIAN BORDER STATE! I AM SO ONTO YOU, LOOMIS! I'VE GOT YOU ALL FIGURED OUT! AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I WILL UNRAVEL YOUR WEB OF TREACHERY OR DIE TRYING!

Please do the latter, Pete. But not before licking my balls.

Ordinarily I'd object to late round picks who aren't likely to contribute on special teams. Hell, ordinarily I'd be thinking special teams around the third round.

But if there's one thing I've learned over the last six years, it's to never question the Saints on a mid/late-round offensive line pick. The only question is which one of 'em is gonna be appearing on all the "re-drafting the 2012 first round" articles in a couple years. (Hopefully CBS Sports dot com will make Pete write one.) My money's on Tiller, if only because the Saints took him with "The Reggie Pick" and that eventual discussion promises to be big fun.

Excruciatingly pointless, but fun nonetheless. Kinda like watching Pete struggle to maintain the illusion that he has the slightest fucking clue what he's babbling about.

Verbal Kint: To a cop the explanation is never that complicated. It's always simple. There's no mystery to the street, no arch criminal behind it all. If you got a dead body and you think his brother did it, you're gonna find out you're right. 

And I say that without a hint of irony and/or sarcasm. Seriously, are you not entertained? Because I've gotta tell ya, I am unbelievably amused.

Quite frankly, I'm a little awe-struck by the whole thing. Who could possibly have seen all this coming 28 days ago? I'd like to take this opportunity to offer my sincerest apologies to Mickey Loomis and Sean Payton for even entertaining the notion earlier this month that they might not actually be the smartest guys in the room. Clearly I was mistaken. The Rog zigs, they zag. The media jabs, they bob and/or weave. They are the roadrunner to the Rog's Wile E Coyote. The Bugs Bunny to the media's Elmer Fudd. The nWo to everybody else's Dubya See Dubya. One more for the Bad Guys.

(Editor's note: I have no idea why Parcells appears to be orbiting Jupiter in the image above. Do tuna ordinarily do that?)

We all figured Loomis and Payton weren't just gonna tuck tail and lay down like they were "supposed" to. At this point, we "know" them too well for anybody to have thought they were gonna do that.

But I don't think anybody figured it was even possible for them to have gotten this far ahead of it all so swiftly and so deftly. To turn the tables and (re)take control of the situation like they have. To be two steps ahead of the Rog and the Legitmate Media™ at every turn. And most of all, to so expertly navigate the tightrope between contrition and continued defiance.

You magnificent bastards.

You just know it's killing them. You could almost see the steam coming out of the Rog's ears as he clenched his jaw and said "That's up to Mr. Benson. There's no rule against it." Screamin' A Smiff thinks screams IT'S A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE!!!!!! Cryin' Clark Judge figures Tom Benson must be a mouthbreathing idiot to allow his disgraced underlings to continue this here farce. Mike Freeman, Pete Prisco, Mike Florio and all the rest of 'em are being straight trolled by Loomis and Payton and they absolutely can't stand it.

And is it not glorious?

Loomis and Payton (and Tuna) are playing chess while The Rog and the Legitimate Media™ are playing checkers. And it's got them so confused and irritable, they've given up on even trying to hide it.

When the initial report broke Monday afternoon, they were falling all over themselves to brush the whole thing off as a baseless rumor. They scoffed at the very notion. No chance in hell of that ever happening. Move along, nothing to see here. Don't get your hopes up, Saints fans. Not on this, not on anything else. Ever. Why would someone of Parcells's stature even give a moment's thought to coming out of retirement only to walk right into the biggest shitstorm in NFL history? Worse yet, to coach the Saints! After all, Parcells might be an asshole, but he's no idiot. By what possible logic could Parcells conclude that it'd be a good idea to taint his own considerable legacy and delay his Hall of Fame induction by at least five more years (and probably longer than that, by virtue of further alienating the same assholes who ridiculously refused to elect him on the first ballot in the first place) just for a chance to captain the Titanic? It don't make no sense, I tells ya!

So much for that. With each passing day, with each new comment from Parcells, with each new update from "sources close to the situation" the perception continues to shift toward "Holy shit, this is actually gonna happen." And they hate it.

Time to find a new angle. And when all else fails, you can always fall back on old reliable: mindless OUTRAGE! The commissioner cannot allow this to happen! What's the point of the "punishment" if the guy who's supposed to be being "punished" can just go out and hand-pick a Hall of Fame head coach to fill in for him?!? The Rog needs to put the ole kibosh on this blatant act of defiance pronto! It's a slap in the face!

Nevermind the fact that Sean Payton's still on the job until April 1, and that there's no rule against hiring an interim head coach from outside the organization. It's still wrong for some reason. There may not be a rule against it, but there oughta be! And since the Rog can do whatever the hell he wants, he ought to make up a new rule right this minute to prevent this travesty!

It ain't fair, dammit! The Saints were supposed to be boned! Dead and buried! And now, before we even break a sweat from shoveling dirt on 'em, Mr. Arrogant pulls an ace out of his sleeve and hatches a nefarious scheme to get themselves de-boned! That wasn't supposed to happen!

And that's the dirty little secret here. For all the standing applause the Legitimate Media™ showered on the Rog for the severity of the penalties, it only qualifies as bona fide "justice" if it cripples the Saints' ability to compete. If it beats Loomis and Payton into total submission and wipes the smirks off their smug faces. If it strips them of their will to continue trying. If they suffer. If we suffer. That's what they want. That's real "justice." Which is exactly what they thought they were getting when the penalties were announced. 

And for all the calls for Loomis and Payton to be contrite, to accept their comeuppance and play by the rules from now on, it's becoming more and more apparent that that's not really sufficient either. They want blood, or at least tears. They wanted Payton to go all Jimmy Swaggart with it Tuesday morning. That he didn't break down, beg for forgiveness and throw himself on the mercy of anybody and everybody who might get a kick out of sitting in judgment is just further evidence of his complete lack of remorse. Mr. Arrogant strikes again!

Meantime, any effort to… you know, continue to do their jobs… and explore all available means (even within the rules) to put the team in the best possible position to compete this fall despite everything, is tantamount to continued insubordination. Or something. Something shameful and wrong.

That not workin' for ya? Okay, how about this angle? It's incredibly stupid and shortsighted, and surely it'll come back to bite them in the ass somehow. Parcells is 70 years old, for crying out loud! He's not gonna have the commitment or the energy to do the job effectively. Younger players aren't gonna respect him. They'll be shooting dice in the locker room and stealing cash out of teammates' cars before you know it. Passing over Carmichael, Spagnuolo and Kromer is gonna piss them off, undermine their authority and probably send the whole coaching staff into some kind of bewildered state of turmoil. Ha! Oh, they think they're so clever. But it's all gonna blow up in their faces one way or another. It just has to, doesn't it?

They can't fucking stand it. It's killing them that Loomis and Payton have a counter for every punch.

It reminds me of the second Clubber fight, when Balboa's ducking and dodging and just throwing nuisance jabs and getting under Lang's skin. Stick and move, stick and move.

And as Lang gets more and more frustrated and pissed off, he starts throwing wilder and wilder haymakers, tiring himself out. Lang lands a few and Balboa starts taunting him. "He ain't gettin' killed. He's gettin' mad."

Mickey Loomis and Sean Payton: Come on, knock me out! Hit me harder, in the face! Come on, my mother hits harder than that! You ain't so bad! You ain't nothin'!

It's all just so incredibly entertaining. And the best part is that there's not a damn thing any of 'em can do about it. Hard as they try, they just can't wipe that smirk off Mr. Arrogant's face. Loomis and Payton have taken the Rog's best shot, and they're all "Really? That's all you got?"

They can bemoan the Parcells thing all they want, but they can't stop it from happening. #wemaketherulespal

The appeal? Yet another nuisance jab. Nobody thinks there's a chance in hell of the Rog actually reducing any of the penalties, least of all Sean Payton. I'm not even sure it's really even about "buying a few more days" which seems like a pretty weak reason to do it anyway. To me, it's mostly about outlining the terms of the suspension, clarifying what he can and can't do, and that kind of thing. To protect himself of course, but an added benefit is that it "sends [yet another] message." And as we all know, sending messages is SWEEPING THE DAMN NATION!

The message goes a little something like this: Say Rog, I know I'm grounded for a year, and I accept that. Like I told you before, I've learned my lesson and I'm gonna be a good boy from now on and stay within the rules. But since nobody really has any fucking clue what those rules are in any given week these days, I figured I'd go ahead and ask. I don't wanna get into one of those overspending-in-an-uncapped-year type situations where you come back later and bone me for violating some kind of unwritten rule that I didn't even know existed, or anything like that. So yeah, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and spell it aaaall out for me. Right down to the smallest detail. I know that's probably a pain in your ass, but I just want to be absolutely sure I don't do anything else to draw your considerable wrath. You know, Ginger Hammer and all, am I right? So yeah, and I'm gonna need that in writing too if you don't mind. Is there a notary in the building? Might wanna think long and hard about it too, because if it doesn't go on that there document…

Petty? Absolutely. Juvenile? If you insist. Being a dick about it? You betcha. HILARIOUS?!? Without a doubt! High five, Coach! If you're as much of a badass as I think you are, you'll challenge the Rog to see if he can stretch it to 18,000 pages. Ha!

How do you know the Rog is on his heels here? Yesterday, the league went ahead and offered the Saints an unsolicited Rooney Rule workaround. (No word on whether or not Herm Edwards's head exploded when he heard that news.) And why? Because they were gonna "make a mockery" of it anyway. Better to give them the easy out with Henry Ellard, rather than to leave them no choice but to turn that into yet another big ole spectacle of defiance. 

That's right, Loomis and Payton have them all so disoriented and flustered, the league is fuckin' coaching them up on how to be technically compliant by the letter while blatantly disregarding "the spirit of the rule." Because otherwise, there's no telling what manner of roguish/dickish but legal end-around they'd come up with if left to their own devices. And God forbid they set their minds on actually challenging it. Can of worms, Rog. Can of worms. Again.

(Obligatory disclaimer: I wholeheartedly support the Rooney Rule. The only objection I have is that I think it should only apply when there's more than one candidate. Or in other words, when it truly is an "open" audition for the gig. But I think that a team ought to be able to target one single specific candidate if they want to, no matter who he is or where he comes from, and if he's "their guy" they ought to be able to just go ahead and hire him. That kind of situation is when the whole thing becomes silly and farcical. But as soon as it opens up to two or more candidates, then the Rooney Rule should apply.)

Well played, Rog. You win this round, asshole. Way to nip those particular shenanigans in the bud.

Unfortunately for you, there's way more where that came from.

How awesome is it gonna be when the Saints put off the hiring for a couple weeks, and in the meantime about 100 pictures of Payton and Parcells "just hangin' out" turn up on ESPN, PFT, TMZ and any number of other internet tabloids?

Hey, as long as Parcells isn't employed by Benson Football Inc, who's to say they can't indulge in a little friendly shit-kicking at the local upscale honkey tonk? Or whatever. THERE WAS NOTHING ABOUT THAT IN THE DOCUMENT, ROGER!

No matter what ends up happening this fall, it's all worth it. What could have been a "lost season" now promises to be entertaining as fuck, even if they were to go something like 5-11. (Which they won't. Not even close. #wegotthis) And considering where we were (or at least thought/feared we were) a month ago, that in and of itself is plenty good enough, thank you very much.

Meantime, here we are headed into April without a pick until the third round. We ought to be bored as hell right about now. But nope. It's all Saints-themed Drama all the time. 

And all because Mickey Loomis and Sean Payton are a couple of dicks.

How awesome is it that those dicks are on our side? High five!

And that's precisely where we are at this point, right? That certainly seems to be the consensus in the Legitimate Media™ anyway. Might as well go ahead and pack it in until 2013, if not years later than that, because we're straight fucked now. All hope is lost. Forget about the Saints being the first team to play in a Super Bowl in its home stadium. The Rog put the bone to that notion something fierce. Hell, we'll be lucky if the franchise has recovered by the next time New Orleans hosts the Super Bowl. Right, Duncan & Varney?

But hey, don't blame the Rog. After all, it's not his fault that Sean Payton and Mickey Loomis are a couple of arrogant pricks. (Have you heard about the horrors they routinely inflict upon members of the Legitimate Media™? It's a goddamn outrage!)

It's not his fault that Payton and Loomis thought they were above the law. They just got what was rightfully coming to 'em. Righteous Rog just did what he had to do to preserve the integrity of the sport. Or something.

This isn't persecution, it's justice. And by golly, if Tom Benson had any integrity and/or balls, he'd take Payton and Loomis out back and put a rifle to the base of their skulls like he oughta. Because that'll help. We're not exactly sure how, but at least it'll send a message of some kind. And apparently sending messages is all the rage these days.

Hey, we're already boned for the forseeable future anyway. Might as well give up and start over from scratch, right? Perhaps another four decades of lovable and laughable impotence will go a long way toward "restoring the franchise's reputation." Because that's important for some reason. Surely we all yearn for the good ole days when the Saints were lucky to win 4 or 5 games in a given season, but by golly, our morals were beyond reproach!

Wasn't it a whole lot easier to be a Saints fan back when we didn't really have to concern ourselves with largely-irrelevant details like whether or not the Saints actually won very many games on the field? At least in those days we could always fall back on "Well, yeah, but we love 'em anyway. Which makes us the BEST FANS IN THE WORLD!" And then we could look down on those who looked down on us and our sad-sack football team.

Back then, at least we could wrap ourselves in our own self-righteousness to keep us warm during those long, cold winters of disappointment and general futility. We could at least proclaim ourselves to be the epitome of sportsmanship and class. Because it's not whether you win or lose, it's how cute and cuddly and friendly and non-threatening you are while bending over and taking it right in the poop chute on a weekly basis. Good times. Or something.

See what happens when you go all Icarus with it and fly too close to the sun on wings of hubris? Hell, even back in 2009 the Legitimate Media™ (not to mention a significant subset of our own fanbase) tried to warn us that it was all too good to be true. To not get too comfortable on the throne because it was only a matter of time until the other shoe dropped and it all came crashing down. One way or another. That sooner or later there would be a heavy price to be paid for going places we didn't belong. But we were too stupid to listen.

See what happens when you "sell your soul" for a championship?

Doesn't feel so good now, does it?

Actually, yeah, it still feels pretty fuckin' good. Right down to my soul. Is that wrong?

Wouldn't trade it for all the moral high ground in the world, thank you very much. So how about you go ahead and lick my tainted Lombardi?

Sorry to disappoint you, Legitimate Media™ Guy, but I simply refuse to give up on Our Heroes. I refuse to throw them under the bus. And I refuse to feel guilty about it.

Sue me, but I still love 'em anyway. Just like I've been doing all my life. And there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it.

Shame me if you must. I am not ashamed.

Call me "misguided" for directing my anger toward the Rog and/or the snitch rather than the men who are actually responsible for bringing this whole shitstorm down upon themselves and the franchise. Accuse me of "not getting it" for choosing to stand with my team even in the face of obvious wrongdoing. For decrying the "justice" while discounting the crime. For blaming the "wrong" people. I'm not about to apologize for it.

This just in, assholes: I'm a fan. I'm not interested in being "objective" or "rational" or "unbiased" here. And I'm not about to apologize for that either.

Believe it or not, I'm well aware of the facts as they've been presented, and I'm perfectly capable of understanding and acknowledging those facts. I don't have my head in the sand here. I don't deny that rules were broken, and that some form of comeuppance was inevitable.

But I'm under no obligation to be happy about it. I'm under no obligation to meekly accept Righteous Rog's Dog & Pony Show as "justice." If Loomis and Payton are a couple of arrogant pricks, I'm under no obligation to hold it against them. I'm under no obligation to be morally outraged over their crimes, nor am I required to hold a grudge against them for the consequences they've brought down on the team.

With open eyes, I choose to forgive them. Sue me.

Meantime, you'll just have to pardon me for not curling up in a fetal position in the nearest closet and waiting for 2013 (or 2020, or whenever the media tells us it's okay to go ahead and come back out.)

Color me unimpressed with both the length and girth of the so-called Ginger Hammer. Hot dog down a hallway, Rog. Perhaps Jimmy Johnson can suggest an all-natural herbal remedy of some kind.

I'm sure I'll be accused of being glib here, but I reject the Legitimate Media™'s gleeful insistence that the Rog effectively dropped a nuke on any hopes we might have had for another championship any time soon. Nope, not buying it. Reports of the Saints' demise have been greatly exaggerated.

For all the media's (and fans') slack-jawed astonishment at the unprecedented severity of the Rog's wrath, I simply fail to see anything here that promises to be overwhelmingly difficult to endure, and even overcome, at least from an on-the-field standpoint. (And that's really all I give a shit about here.) Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that the penalties are insignificant. Far from it. But they don't exactly strike the fear of God into me either.

Hell, if the Legitimate Media™ and the dumbstruck fans buying into the current narrative would bother to cast their gaze away from the mushroom cloud for half a damn second and give it a moment of genuine thought, the possibility might even occur to them that the penalties were deliberately conceived with the intent to generate maximum "wow factor" while mitigating the actual negative effects on the Saints' competitiveness going forward.

Scoff at the notion if you like. I'm not fool enough (or even contrarian enough) to suggest that the Rog deliberately went light on the Saints here, or had any desire to do the Saints any favors. Not by a long shot. But while protecting itself on the "player safety issue" might be priority one for the league right now, maintaining competitive balance remains high on the league's list of priorities too. And it's not in the league's best interest for the Rog to go all scorched earth with it on any franchise, for any reason. The important thing was that he create the perception that he did. And to that end, well, mission accomplished. They sure are lapping it all up.

But, as Saints fans, what the hell are we so scared of here? Serious question.

Fines? Irrelevant. It ain't our money, and none of it counts against the cap. Sucks for Sean Payton, Mickey Loomis and Benson Football Inc, but it's no skin off my seedbag.

Sean Payton is a damn fine football coach, but it's not like he's the only guy on the planet who's capable of coaching this team for a year (and then we'll go from there.) Hell, there's already another experienced NFL head coach in the building, for crying out loud. And two other "up and coming head coach of the future" type candidates as well. And they've got four full months to adjust to the new guy, it's not like they've got a game to play next weekend. Surely four full months is plenty of time for everyone involved to wrap their minds around the situation and get acclimated to the new reality.

Anybody gonna miss Joe Vitt for six games? Hell, if heads simply must roll over all this, I'd like to take this opportunity to go ahead and nominate that guy. Far as I can tell, the only thing Vitt brings to the table is being one hell of an enabler for Sean Payton's Mr. Hyde tendencies. And I think we've all had just about enough of that.

Loomis's suspension runs from September through October, which is pretty damn convenient. What exactly does Mickey really do during the first eight weeks of a given regular season anyway, other than sit in a suite on Sunday afternoons? Surely nothing that Khai Harley, Ryan Pace and Rick Reiprish can't handle. Especially given that Mickey has four whole months to "coach 'em up" to whatever degree it's even necessary. Meantime, offseason personnel and contract matters are completely unaffected.

I'm not gonna sit here and try to convince you that the loss of two second round picks is no big deal. But it's not exactly a death blow either. It's just two rookies, for crying out loud. And if league-wide draft history is any indication, at least one of them would just have been a huge waste of time and money anyway. Sure, that's all the more reason you want to have as many arrows in your quiver as you can. Because chances are, half of 'em are gonna miss. But that cuts both ways. It's incredibly unlikely that the Saints are gonna miss out on two perennial Pro Bowlers they'd otherwise have had over all this. It's far more likely that the Saints are losing out on one eventual starter of unknown relative quality, and avoiding one bust.

Player suspensions? Might I remind you that this is the Saints defense we're talking about here? Who exactly can we not live without for a handful of games? Who on this defense is so damn good that his absence would sink the ship? The suspensions are gonna be staggered anyway, which will lend further credence to the notion that the league is deliberately seeing to it that the Saints don't lose the ability to be competitive through all this. Not that anybody's gonna be high-fiving the Rog for that, or anything else, any time soon. And rightfully so.

But it's not like the Rog magically turned this team into Cleveland or St. Louis or Miami overnight.

The funny thing is that it's not so much about "He can't kill us!" It more about the practical reality that he can't kill us. As a practical matter, it's simply beyond the limits of his authority. It's also contrary to the best interests of the league. If this is, as the Legitimate Media™ continues to insist, "as close to the Death Penalty as it gets!!!" then please allow me to offer this here rebuttal: "Ha!"

Ginger Hammer indeed. Eat a dick, Rog. #wemaketherulespal

And will it not be impossibly glorious when the Saints mow right through all this shit while skipping nary a beat? And with each passing Saints win, the narrative in the Legitimate Media™ gradually starts shifting from "Holy shit, the Rog sure did throw the book at 'em!" to "Wait a minute, how did the Saints get off with just a slap on the wrist???" Ha! And we will laugh and laugh, and they will cry and cry.

Meantime, it's on us fans to carry the torch now. The team itself has no choice but to be contrite and compliant, at least publicly.

You're not gonna see Drew Brees going all Jim McMahon with it and wearing a headband with "Goodell" written on it in with a felt tip pen. There won't be any "SP" helmet decals or jersey patches. Sean Payton isn't gonna be showing up on the sidelines wearing a ridiculous (though hilarious) fake nose and moustache. There won't be any derisive comments about the Rog coming from anyone who's even remotely officially associated with the Saints. (Well, maybe that Ornstein asshole. But fuck that guy.)

Nobody's gonna be showing up to a postgame presser wearing one of them there "Free Sean Payton" tee shirts from any of the approximately fourteen thousand local merchants currently punching one another in the face over the latest shiny new penny lying out in the middle of the street.

No, the organization itself simply cannot afford to be defiant on this thing. Not anymore, anyway.

But that doesn't mean we can't. Yes We Can!

And we should. Wait, scratch that. We must.

Let there be no doubt about it. The league and the Legitimate Media™ can't wait for us to wash our hands of Sean Payton and Mickey Loomis and whomever else they consider to be assholes. They'd love nothing more than for us to shut up, give up, and resign ourselves to our rightful place as hopeless fans of a hapless, disgraced football team.

Screw Dat.

No sir, not this guy. Fuck you.

Not that our defiance will change anything, of course. (By the way, would somebody please go ahead and hip Boycott Guy and Online Petition Guy to this particular truth? Thanks.) But it'll make us feel better, and that in and of itself is reason enough. An added benefit is that it's sure to piss off Jeff Duncan. High five!

They want us to get over it and let it go. To accept it and move on. That way, they can write the script going forward.

But we all know damn well that there ain't gonna be any getting over it and moving on, no matter what we do. It's gonna be the talking point for the forseeable future. Every time the Saints take the field. Every time they pop up on Sportscenter. Every time an article is written about them. And there's not a goddamn thing we can do to change that either.

So to hell with letting it go. To hell with getting over it and moving on. To hell with the so-called high road. To hell with letting them direct the narrative. To hell with bending over and just letting them do their business.

No sir, not us. Fuck them. Sinn Féin.

So by all means, wear your Hanes Beefy Tees with the hastily-conceived, excruciatingly trite catch phrases silk-screened on 'em. Hell, wear your obnoxiously bulky Saints-themed Boba Fett costume if you genuinely don't give a fraction of a fuck about the people sitting in your general vicinity who aren't overly impressed with your cleverness and just want to watch the fuckin' game rather than your dancing for the tee vee cameras.

Do what you've gotta do. Just do not go gentle into that good night.

It is our duty as Saints fans to be as defiant as we can possibly be over this thing. To squander no opportunity to deride it for the farce it is, as loudly and as publicly as possible. The team can't, which is why we must. One guy goes down, the next guy steps up. We are that guy.

You know what would do my heart good? You might recall that back in the late 80s/early 90s, Mets fans would derisively chant "Daaaaaryyyyyl! Daaaaaaryyyyyl!" in the general direction of Darryl Strawberry. If this here pissant blog had more than about a half dozen regular readers, and I could actually go all Mickey Loomis with it and make it happen, I'd float the notion that the Dome crowd might oughta get a "Rooooogerrrr! Rooooooogerrrr!" chant going every single goddamn time the Saints defense lines up this fall.

What do you think the chances are that we could go all "viral" with this? Slim to none? Shit. Would it help if I promised not to trademark it and try to extort monies from you later on if it takes off? Because I'm more than willing to release it on a Creative Commons BY-NC-SA license. I just wanna see it happen.

Meantime, the Saints may or may not win a(nother) Super Bowl (high five!) this season. And unless they go ahead and win it anyway, we'll never know whether or not all this bullshit made the difference. What we do know is that they may or may not have won it anyway, and the odds would have been against them regardless. Just as they are for any given team in any given season. But the assholes think that poking a hole in the "Championship Or Bust" mentality is gonna break our spirit and send us into some kind of chaotic tailspin.

They don't know us very well, do they?

Might as well go ahead and start printing up the "Pulling Back The Veil" tee shirts. Because at this point that's clearly the inescapable overriding theme of this here Saints offseason, whether we like it or not. One after another, unpleasant truths are being exposed all over the place. And, as always, the one place we fans absolutely refuse to look is in the fuckin' mirror. But why would we do that? It's not like we're the assholes here, it's everybody else who are the assholes. Especially that selfish bastard of a quarterback we've been struggling to tolerate for the last six years, am I right?

I mean, it's not like we didn't all see this coming from a mile away. Hell, you could set your clocks by it. Doesn't make it any less excruciatingly stupid. Our only hope was that it would never get to this point in the first place, but we all pretty much knew what was gonna happen if it did.

And sure enough, here we are. The single best thing that has ever happened to this here sad sack franchise has apparently pulled himself one hell of a SHOCKING HEEL TURN and now all of a sudden we're booing his entrance music. Because his selfish GREED(!!!) is gonna leave our favorite football team a shell of its former self and crush all our hopes and dreams! Or something.

That's irony, right?

As long as we're involuntarily pulling the wool from over everybody's eyes, let's see if we can't manage to be honest with ourselves here for half a fuckin' second regarding "the business of football."

Serious question: Who's really being the selfish asshole here?

It's often been said that Drew could run for mayor or even governor and win in a landslide. Which is quite the cute little way of making the point about how popular he is around here, and there might even be some literal truth to the notion. But the dirty little secret that's coming to light here lately is that whatever truth there is to it is pretty much entirely dependent on our maintaining the illusion that Drew has pledged his absolute and unconditional fealty to us. That he unfailingly prioritizes our interests above all others, even his own.

We prefer to call it "being a team player" and being "admirably unselfish" and other such cuddly descriptors. But what it really is, is a fantasy we've created for ourselves that Drew's primary mission in life is to serve us. That he loves us so much, he will go to any length, make any sacrifice to see to it that we get what we want. And all he'll ever ask in return is that we love him back.

Oh sure, it's not like Drew hasn't done more than his part to perpetuate that fantasy. He's a slick, polished, savvy, incredibly image-conscious politician-in-pads. He knows precisely where all our buttons are, and which ones to push at any given time. He's keenly aware of the value of saying "all the right things" and telling us precisely what we want to hear. He's ridiculously good at it, and intensely committed to the persona he's deliberately crafted for himself. He's the Ned Flanders of football players.

Oh and there's also the little matter of his having actually been the consummate team player and admirably unselfish for every second of the six years he's been here. He actually has given us all we could ever have hoped for, and a hell of a lot more on top of that. And it's true that all he has ever asked in return is the compensation he agreed to in 2006, and that we love him back. So, you know, he's got that going for him too.

And we've held up our end of the bargain, we've loved him back. For as long as the give and take was ridiculously slanted in our favor, that is. (In this league, we prefer to call that "value.") We were more than happy with that particular arrangement. As long as it didn't involve anything that could even potentially result in any kind of sacrifice on our part. As long as we could have our cake and eat it too, and Drew was telling us that if our cake wasn't enough, he'd be happy to give us his.

Pull back the veil. You say you love the guy. And I'm sure that, in a way, you mean it. But in another, more accurate way, what you really love is what Drew can do for you.

But now the time has come when continuing this relationship is gonna actually cost us something. It's gonna require that we give up a piece of our cake. "Hey, nobody ever said anything about that!" And, by golly, that's just unreasonable!

Sure, we all want the guy to get paid. Just not to the point where it causes us any slight discomfort.

"Worth every penny!" is all well and good, as long as we can easily afford it without having to make any difficult choices or sacrifice anything else we might also want.

Who's being the selfish, greedy bastard now?

It's like screaming "PRICE GOUGING!!!" because that shiny new gadget you've decided you can't possibly live without any longer, and absolutely must have right this minute, happens to not be on sale at the moment. "Regular price? It's an OUTRAGE! The thing was 25% off back on President's Day. But I didn't want it then, I want neeeeed it now. And if I've gotta pay full price, I won't be able to afford this bitchin' accessory I kinda sorta wanted too. Be reasonable and quit trying to rip me off, asshole!!!"

It's utterly ridiculous. And quite frankly, a little disgusting. Typical 21st century consumer culture. "I want it all, and I want it now! On my terms, and at whatever price I'm willing to pay."

He's the single best thing that's ever happened to your favorite football team. How much more does he "owe" you? How much more does he have to do for you before he's allowed to look our for his own interests without immediately being branded an asshole?

This just in: Drew Brees doesn't owe you jack shit.

It's we who are indebted to him.

And don't even start with the whole "Drew owes the Saints because they took the risk and signed him when everybody else in the league was pretty much convinced he was done" bullshit. That debt, to whatever extent it ever existed in the first place, has been repaid tenfold.

And quit acting like the Saints organization did Drew some kind of favor back in 2006 anyway. Bullshit. They were desperate. It was either Drew, a McCown of some sort, Matt Leinart, Vince Young, or more Aaron Brooks. It's not like they signed Drew out of pity, they signed him out of desperation. What kind of idiot signs a starting quarterback as a "favor" anyway?

Sure, I also believe them when they say it was also about a genuine belief in Drew, his ability, and his relentless determination to Come Back Stronger. But ultimately, they took that gamble with their own interests in mind, nobody else's. And that gamble paid off something fierce, it was nothing short of winning the lottery.

So to whatever extent you want to assert that "Drew needed the Saints more than the Saints needed Drew" back then… yeah, well, I'm pretty sure we're all square on that particular issue at this point. To say the least.

"But Wang, he LIED! He fucking LIED, Wang! TO US! He looked us right in the eye and PROMISED that his contract wasn't gonna stand in the way of keeping the team together. HE PROMISED!!! And it was all a bunch of bullshit! All his 'team first' mumbo jumbo is clearly just an elaborate façade to keep us from realizing that he's really no different than any of these other asshole millionaire athletes! It's all about how much money he can put in his own pocket!"

Wait, WHAT??? Dude wants to maximize his earnings while the opportunity exists? Nah, you must be shitting me! What kind of jerk tries to pull some crazy shit like that? Surely not you or I.

And what the hell would you expect him to say, anyway? What, you'd respect him more if he had been "honest" about it and had given you the opportunity to start bitching and moaning and calling him an asshole sooner? Would that have made it better for ya? I suppose you'd have preferred that he just said "Look, I gotsta get mines yo, and the rest is Mickey Loomis's problem. Keeping the rest of the team from falling apart is his job, not mine." Hey, it'd have been the truth. And you'd have been just fine with that, right? Riiiiight.

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!

What you really want is for Drew's "promise" and everything you read into it about his complete willingness to continue to sacrifice for the sake of your happiness to have been the truth. For Drew to keep on giving and giving and giving, and for the smiles on Saints fans' faces to continue to be reward enough for him.

Grow the fuck up already, would ya? Quit believing in fairy tales. Pull back the veil.

As often, and as gleefully, as we fans throw around quips like "Cut that chump!" you really expect any player to sacrifice a thin dime for the sake of your happiness? Really? You really think Drew isn't well aware of the fact that it's only a matter of time until we wake up one morning and decide he's no longer good enough for us, and we don't want him anymore?

If it happened to Dulymus, it can happen to anybody. It'll probably happen to Drew at some point. Our "love" most certainly isn't unconditional, how arrogant are we to insist that his be?

Especially given that, to date, he's met and exceeded every single goddamn one of our conditions. By a lot.

And how do we thank him? By imposing more conditions. By demanding that he continue to take whatever we're willing to give him, and not a damn bit more.

And God help him if he throws a couple more interceptions this fall, or gets sacked a few more times, or his completion percentage slips a bit. "IT'S HIS OWN DAMN FAULT!!! If he'd have 'done the right thing' and subsidized Nicks's and Colston's salaries out of his own pocket instead of being a selfish asshole…"

"But Wang, nobody's got a problem with Drew being the highest paid player in the league. THE HIGHEST PAID PLAYER EVER! And HE'S the one who turned it down!"

Well aren't we fuckin' generous? I guess that's supposed to qualify as the second "favor" the Saints organization has tried to do for Drew. Shit, when is it gonna be our turn to get something out of all this?!?

What I think a lot of people fail to understand, or at least prefer to pretend isn't true, is that the teams aren't the same in the offseason as they are in the regular season.

For the time being, Drew's not exactly on "our team." He's not on Team Benson Football Inc. He's on Team Brees Family. He's not the starting quarterback for the New Orleans Saints, he's the starting quarterback for Team NFL Labor. His responsibilities don't lie with the Saints right about now, and they damn sure don't lie with us fans. They lie with his family, and with the rest of the league's unionized workforce. And in both contexts, Drew's responsibilities to his teams are at cross-purposes with us Saints fans' hopes and dreams for our team. In that way, he truly is temporarily "the enemy" as long as all you really give a shit about is The Fleur.

And hey, we here at moosedenied aren't about to blame ya if The Fleur is all you really give a shit about. We get that. For the most part, we're right there with ya.

You don't have to like it. But you don't have to call Drew an asshole over it either.

"But seriously, come on Wang, let's be real here. How much money does one man need??? He's already earned more money than he'll ever be able to spend, more money than I'd make in ten lifetimes! It's blatant GREED, Wang!!!"

As always, your blue collar righteousness couldn't be less relevant. I suppose you think he oughta just say fuck it and play for the league minimum for the rest of his career because he's already got "enough" money in the bank? Ridiculous. And incredibly self-indulgent of you to impose your own arbitrary standard for what constitutes "enough" earnings on a fellow law-abiding taxpaying American. 

Greed? Really? As much as this guy does for charity? Greed? As quiet as this guy has been about his contract, despite having outplayed the hell out of it for six years? Having never, not even once, made any public noise about deserving a raise? Aren't you the guy who's constantly bitching at players about "Shut up and play out the contract you signed!" That's precisely what Drew has done.

Look, I realize that it's next to impossible for regular folks like us to wrap our minds around the financial realities of a professional athlete. They're playing on a whole different financial chessboard than people like us. And sure, I know that a lot of professional athletes waste their millions on Bentleys, bling and blow. Not to mention truckloads of assault weapons, high-priced hookers and Jimmy John's franchises. (Wait, scratch that last one, undermines my point.) But come on, we know that Drew isn't that kinda guy.

We talked about this back when Fujita chased that big contract in Cleveland. It's easy for us to scoff at the notion that these guys are "feeding their families" when the numbers are so astronomical. But, like Fujita, that's precisely what Drew's doing.

"Riiiight, Wang. Just feeding his family. What are Baylen and Bowen getting for after-school snacks, whole truffles?"

Maybe. It's really none of our business. But I doubt it. And that's not what I'm talking about when I say "feeding their families." I'm talking about feeding their families for generations. I'm talking about Drew seeing to it that his great, great grandchildren never have to worry about paying for college.

You don't think Drew thinks about that kind of stuff? You don't think Drew feels a responsibility to do that, if only because the opportunity exists? Because I think he does. And is that not a virtuous endeavor? Wouldn't you do the same thing, given the opportunity? You're either full of shit or a piss-poor head of household if you say you wouldn't.

Just because you and I will never have that opportunity, that doesn't mean Drew's an asshole for taking advantage of the opportunity he has. And it damn sure ain't GREED!!! So take your bourgeois sanctimony and shove it up your ass. 

"But Wang, look at the big picture. It's totally shortsighted of Drew to demand an extra few mildo from Benson Football Inc. because he makes at least that much in endorsement income anyway. And part of the reason why he gets all those endorsement deals is because the Saints have been so good. So if he doesn't ruin his image by HOLDING THE FRANCHISE HOSTAGE(!!!) in the first place, his marketability will erode due to the Saints being a perennial also-ran and Drew himself being less Peyton Manning and more Matt Schaub."

Fair enough, and that's a pretty good point from a Team Brees Family perspective. But you're neglecting a whole other part of the big picture. Namely, Drew's role as the starting quarterback for Team NFL Labor. A role that by all indications Drew takes very seriously.

And in that context, non-football income is irrelevant. It's all about NFL players vs. NFL management. And he has a responsibility to his peers in the NFL workforce to raise the bar for everybody by signing as rich a football contract as he can. It helps to raise the cap, it helps to increase the "average" NFL contract, and it helps to increase minimum wage. We're not just talking about the rich getting richer here, Drew's contract indirectly helps the guys at the bottom of the depth chart too.

Pierre Thomas is one hell of a football player, but he's never gonna make a dime from a national endorsement deal. And local endorsement deals are not only fleeting, they're also chump change. The NFL's "99%" will never make any significant non-football income as a result of their being NFL players, unless you count post-football careers as sales executives or local sports anchors or high school football coaches. And their football income is often largely dependent on things like league minimums and averages and whatnot. To whatever extent Drew's contract raises the bar at the very top of the NFL food chain, it also raises the bar for everybody else.

Hey, I'm not telling you that you ought to give a single fraction of a shit about any of that. It might not matter to you, but it matters to Drew. And if you wanna hold that against him, then you're the asshole, not Drew.

This ain't about Drew. It's about you.

It's about Drew's priorities temporarily running contrary to your own selfish desires as a Saints fan. And it's fine if that pisses you off. My allegiance lies with The Fleur too, and I'm just as nervous about the whole situation going forward as the next Saints fan.

All I'm saying is that the whole "SELFISHNESS!!!"/"GREED!!!" thing cuts both ways. And it's high fuckin' time that the veil get pulled back on that particular little unpleasant truth.

We fans are every bit as selfish and greedy as any professional athlete embroiled in protracted contract negotiations. And I'd assert that, in this particular case, even moreso. We'd be wise to go ahead and come to terms with it and acknowledge it.

Pull back the veil. And quit being a douche.

Welp, everything sure is going according to the plan so far, don't you think? High five? Guh.

Regular readers know that we try to keep it classy here at moosedenied. And hey, let me be perfectly clear here, I'm as shocked and appalled and righteously indignant about this whole sordid affair as the next guy. Please believe me when I tell you that, as a Saints fan, I feel like the team let us all down here. I'm incredibly disappointed with Our Heroes right about now, and I'm even more disappointed with Sean Payton and Mickey Loomis. 

I'm disappointed that they got caught.

I'm ashamed of them for being stupid enough to have created a situation in which it was even possible for them to have gotten caught.

For not realizing that it was only a matter of time until someone inevitably snitched. For obviously not knowing the difference between going balls-out with it and and just being plain reckless. Again. (I'm shocked, SHOCKED I TELL YOU, that it was Gregg Williams who orchestrated this whole thing. Reckless just never struck me as that guy's modus operandi.)

For continuing to insist on associating with this Ornstein asshole, a hustler and a convicted felon, who was allegedly fool enough to send emails to Sean Payton (no doubt to an official Saints/NFL corporate email account) regarding all these shenanigans. For apparently not knowing the meaning of "plausible deniability" and/or being arrogant enough to not really give much of a shit.

For being the first organization in the 90 year history of the National Football League to be careless enough to "institutionalize" a practice that's been commonplace for every one of the aforementioned 90 years to such a degree as to put the franchise itself on the hook for it. For grossly underestimating the risk, and the severity of the consequences. At a time when the single most draconian commissioner the league's ever had holds everyone's balls in the palm of his hand and pretty much has carte blanche to squeeze at will.

Oh, that's just soooo Saints.

So much for the Saints being run by "the smartest guys in the room" these days, eh?

They might as well have just caught a flight to New York, strutted into the league office, dropped trou and wiggled their dongs in Roger Goodell's face, for crying out loud. Hell, at this point, I'm not sure I'd put it past 'em to do precisely that.

As a Saints fan, that's the reason I'm disappointed with Mickey, Coach Payton and the team. Just because it's all so stupid. So careless. So reckless. And evidently so easily avoidable. I mean, shit, players have been doing this kind of thing and "getting away with it" for decades. Leave it to the Saints to be the first to actually get busted for it. Sigh. Of course it's the Saints who end up tripping over their own balls and falling face first into a pile of shit that everybody else has managed to easily avoid since the beginning of time. Nice job, fellas!

Meantime, I find all the pearl-clutching and moralizing over all of this rather silly. I mean, you're all familiar with professional football, right? Two of the presumed targets of this nefarious plot have already plainly stated that they don't consider it a big deal. Numerous other players — players who have no reason to defend or make excuses for the Saints — have plainly stated that this kind of thing is commonplace all over the league and for as long as they've been involved with the league.

"Everybody does it" isn't an "excuse." It's simply a fact. If you've never heard of this kind of thing before Friday, obviously you haven't been following the NFL for very long.

And if it offends your delicate moral sensibilities, then maybe NFL football isn't the sport for you. Perhaps some nice figure skating would be more to your liking. No? Well then Conrad Dobler, Dick Butkus, Dick Night Train Lane, Jack Lambert, Jack Tatum, Deacon Jones, Willie Lanier, Ronnie Lott, John Matuszak, Lyle Alzado, Ray Nitschke and Rosie Grier would like to cordially invite you all to go ahead and quit being a bunch of two-faced pansies.

But it's "a black eye on the organization" right? Please.

Oh sure, haters gonna hate. Of course other teams' fans are taking great pleasure in all this right now. A little schadenfreude is always good for some big fun. Hell, we do it when other teams suffer similar misfortune. Of course they're gonna wring every ounce of smack fodder out of this thing, probably until the end of time. But, come on now, who gives a shit about that?

Media types are gonna do what they always do, blow it all up into as big a scandal they possibly can, for as long as it remains profitable. Scandal sells, after all. But this thing isn't gonna continue to put eyeballs on web sites and tee vees forever. There was a feeding frenzy over the weekend, and it'll probably last for a few more days this week as everybody who wasn't on the air over the weekend gets their piece of the action. But as of Monday morning, the coverage is already a whole hell of a lot measured in tone than it had been over the weekend. Mike Golic, a former player, has been particularly "this is much ado about not much" in his commentary this morning on ESPN. Others will follow as the wow factor continues to wear off. And it will.

The self-righteous are gonna be self-righteous. Of course Tony Dungy and Herm Edwards are gonna insist that it's abhorrent and that nothing like this ever would have happened under their watch. Of course Tedi Bruschi is gonna continue to ride his high horse, just like he does on every other issue. Of course other coaches, both past and present, are gonna cover their asses and insist that nothing like that goes on or ever went on in their locker rooms. And we all totally believe Rex Ryan about that, right? Riiiight.

I'm sure some people will accuse me of parsing words here, but I would assert that people are playing fast and loose with the language here as well. Golic put it best this morning, people can't get past the ugly words being thrown around. "Bounty!!!" Despicable! "Knockouts and cart-offs!!!" Deplorable! Those words carry baggage, and it's easy to go from there to what Herm Edwards did this morning and just jump straight to "…paying players to ruin other players' careers!!!" Because clearly that's what "knockout" or "cart-off" must have really meant, right?

But as Darren Sharper pointed out over the weekend, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense for that to have really been the case. Look, we're tempted to recuse Darren Sharper's viewpoint entirely from the discussion. After all, he was involved. He was part of the Saints defense in 2009, he's not exactly impartial. But that doesn't mean his comments don't make a hell of a lot more sense than all the hyperbole coming from people who have something to gain by thugging-up the story as much as possible. For one thing, the math doesn't work. The fine(s) for anything "dirty" far exceed the so-called "bounty" so whatever financial "incentive" there might have been isn't an incentive at all. Not for dirty play that'll get you fined, anyway. Ultimately the fines and incentives are all pocket change anyway.

Secondly, in the age of free agency (and the internet) these guys all know one another. These days, what team you play for matters less than it ever has before, and the "fraternity" of NFL players is tighter than it ever has been before. Not everybody likes each other of course, but you can probably count on one hand the number of guys any given player "hates" enough to actually go out on the field with the express intent to injure him. And you can probably count on two hands the number of players who are asshole enough to go out on the field with the intent to injure anybody. (Note that there's a distinction between "hurt" and "injure.") Not to mention just the general concept of karma. What goes around comes around. There by the grace of God go I and whatnot.

Meantime, all the "evidence" on the field pretty much exonerates the Saints insofar as any kind of organized intent to "play dirty" and to injure opponents. The Saints' defense didn't exactly accumulate an inordinate number of penalties during the Gregg Williams era, personal fouls or otherwise. Nor have an inordinate number of opponents been "knocked out" or "carted off" during the last three seasons. 

But, as Golic so aptly put it this morning, people just can't (read: won't) get past those loaded words and their negative connotations. Bounty! BOUNTY!!! Hence the short-term mass hysteria. And of course, that's precisely what Roger Goodell wants, which is why he made sure to point out that this whole thing is "particularly troubling" and framed it as "intentionally causing injury" to opponents. Because it suits his "player safety" agenda. Whipping people into a frenzy over this is precisely what he was going for.

Am I excusing it? Hell no. Like I said, I'm as disappointed in Payton, Loomis and everyone else involved as the next guy. Because they were dumb enough to get caught.

Am I saying they did nothing wrong? Of course not. Setting aside the moral grandstanding over "bounties" for a second, they clearly broke the rules. There's no doubt about that at this point. Even if only for "non-contract bonuses" which is a clear violation of the CBA. Then they lied to the league about it. They're busted, and for good reason.

Was it worth it? You bet your ass it was.

Maybe it wasn't necessary. We'll never know. And that's just fine by me. All I know is that there's no way in hell I'd trade February 7, 2010 just for the sake of avoiding the shitstorm that's currently rolling in. We're Saints fans, for crying out loud. We sleep through shitstorms. We've been doing it all our lives. At least there was something in it for us this time.

And it'll be a shitstorm, there's no doubt about that. Not only because Goodell needs to make an example of the Saints for purposes of covering the league's ass on the whole player safety issue, but because as the local media has been falling all over themselves to remind us, Loomis and Payton are widely regarded as a couple of jerks. (ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THEIR CONSISTENT SHIRKING OF THEIR OBLIGATIONS TO THE LEGITIMATE MEDIA?!?!?) Word on the street is that Goodell hates their guts, and relishes the opportunity to kick them in the dong.

moosedenied received a text from the league office Friday night that confirmed it:

This just in, asshole: Actually, #imaketherulespal

D'oh! Owned.

But do yourself a favor and resist the urge to give in to all the kneejerk doom and gloom that's flying around right about now. Goodell's gonna shove the bone as far up as it'll go, but ultimately it can only go so far.

The irony here is that Goodell finds himself between a rock and a hard place too. As of Monday morning, public sentiment is already beginning to shift from "OMG THE SAINTS ARE BASTARDS!!!" to "OMG GOODELL JUST ISN'T GONNA BE HAPPY UNTIL HE COMPLETES THE ONGOING PUSSIFICATION OF THE WHOLE FUCKING SPORT!" And it's happening with a shitload of alacrity, from what I've been seeing and hearing this morning. Never thought that that shift would happen this suddenly. But it's happening. It'll continue to happen as more and more people give the whole thing some time to marinate, and more and more media types start to realize that prevailing winds are beginning to blow the shit in Goodell's general direction. At which point they'll all be punching one another in the face to be the first to start pimping that narrative.

And that's a real problem for the league too. Much as Goodell wishes it weren't true, the longer this goes on, the more people start to come to terms with the fact that this is a league-wide thing, eventually the public is gonna climb down off their moral high horse and settle into the "It's FOOTBALL, for crying out loud! Quit being a douche and quit trying to turn it into flag football!" mindset. It's already begun. Sooner than later, this is gonna cease to be a case of "Saints thuggery" and become a case of "They're ruining the sport!"

Sure, conventional wisdom is that at this point, the NFL is a perpetual money machine, and it always will be because Americans will not be without their NFL football. And as long as that's true, Goodell can do whatever the fuck he wants. But they used to say the same thing about boxing. And horse racing. And baseball. How'd that work out? There's always a point at which your customers will simply cease to care because you're not giving them the product they love and want. And Goodell's already well down that road. Don't think he's not well aware of it. The league is walking a tightrope here. You think the potential for massive judgments against the league in court over the player safety issue is scary? How scary is the prospect of alienating your customer base to the point that they no longer give a shit about your product?

The craziest part of this whole mess is that, in due time, the Saints might very well end up coming out of this thing as the "heroes" after all. Or at least antiheroes. Or, in rasslin' parlance, the "cool heels." The guys who, while they may be a little sleazy, at least we can all relate to their thumbing their noses at The Man. Hell, back in the 70s, Al Davis made a living doing just that.

They're gonna get boned in the meantime though, that's for sure. And it's gonna hurt. But I'd wager it's not gonna hurt nearly as badly as we're all anticipating right about now. The Saints will survive this.

(Assuming this is the extent of it, that is. Which, for as long as they continue to insist on letting Ornstein hang around, might not be the wisest of assumptions.)

So far, Loomis and Payton have survived it, and that's very good news.

Wait, what??? GOOD news?!? Yes. Good news.

If it were much worse than we know now, one or both of them would already be gone. The Old Man would have done it of his own accord, or Herr Goodell would have made him do it. Hell, if it were even anywhere near as bad as we're already assuming it is, there would already be YouTube videos of Benson himself throwing Payton's and Loomis's personal effects out onto the parking lot at Airline while shouting "GET OFFA MAH PROPPITY!" at nobody in particular. Don't take my word for it, ask Randy Mueller. Or Arnie Fielkow.

But he hasn't done that. Which in and of itself is a bullet dodged. Because we all know he would if it were that bad. Florio can bray on and on "from a strictly business standpoint" (and we all totally believe Florio's angle is "all business" and he's not the least bit biased, right?) about how Benson ought to fire both of them for blatant insubordination at the very least, and gross negligence at worst.

But it ought to do our hearts good that even Tom Benson realizes that it's bad business to cut off your nose to spite your face. That 62-34 in the regular season, four playoff appearances and a 5-3 playoff record in six years, two NFC Championship games and a motherfucking Lombardi kinda trump all this bullshit by juuuuuust a little.

So the fuck what if they're a little sleazy? What Roger Goodell is desperately trying to keep you from figuring out is that it's all "a little" sleazy. (…wait for it… wait for it… in this league.)

At least the job's getting done. So we've (still) got that going for us.

The Saints will survive whatever Goodell throws at 'em. Hell, they were 14-4 last season, and they've still got Drew Brees. (More on that particular trainwreck to come in the not-too-distant future. I'd write about it now, but you already stopped reading about 500 words ago, and I'm still not sure there won't be more crazy shit coming out later today on that whole issue.) Fines are all-but-irrelevant. Suspensions of veteran defensive players who have been around since 2009 might actually be a good thing. Suspensions of Sean Payton and/or Mickey Loomis will be easily overcome. Loss of draft picks will hurt, but they're not fatal. Not even close.

And as much as he might wanna, Goodell simply can't go all scorched earth with it anyway. He can't just burn one of his 32 franchises to the ground. It would be counterproductive to the league to do that. It's gonna be one hell of a slap to the wrist, but that's all it's gonna be. And then it'll all be swept under the rug before the whole thing goes league-wide and becomes too big to "manage" without dropping the hammer on half the teams in the league. Goodell will take his victory lap, proclaim "problem solved" and that'll be the end of this particular dog and pony show.

Hopefully some other team will star in the next one.

It'll probably be the Saints though. Again.

But until then…