Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends. We're so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside.
Cha-ching, bitches! One more for the Bad Guys.
The only thing missing was Chris Ivory busting a bottle upside Ndamukong Suh's head. But we'll forgive that minor omission for the sake of avoiding the suspension. Besides, the Saints displayed more than enough "lack of class" to satisfy – scoring 5 touchdowns on 5 second-half possessions before driving to Detroit's 2 and taking a knee – without having to resort to their typical "dirtyness" anyway. Am I right, Prisco?
I've gotta admit though, I was jonesin' for that 50-burger. Meh, I guess 45 points in three quarters will just have to do. For now.
I mean, it's not like they could only muster 2 points in four quarters of a playoff game or anything. Can you even imagine how embarrassing something like that would be? Think of how mercilessly they'd mock us on Twitter! Am I right, #Rodney?
So much for Atlanta's so-called "Ferrari Offense." You know what they say about a dude who drives a Ferrari, right? He can't win a playoff game to save his teeny tiny little dong. Where y'at, #MartyIce?
(I guess the silver lining for the Falcons is that nobody much gives a shit. Not their players, not their fans, damn sure not the rest of the sports world. So they've got that going for 'em.)
Fortunately for us, the Saints opted instead to go with the Benz Offense. As in, "Just a matter of time until it Benz you over."
Don't believe me, just ask Detroit. Or just about anyone else.
You've gotta tip your hat to Detroit. They were able to delay the inevitable for a half, which is more than most opponents can boast here lately. That dude from the Free Credit Report dot com ads is pretty freakin' good, and Calvin Johnson is an absolute animal. They might very well have kicked the shit out of any other team in this year's playoff field Saturday night. They damn sure would have handed the Falcons' teeny tiny little dongs to 'em.
Unfortunately for them, the second half in particular was more like an act from some kind of ass-backwards Roman tragedy, in which the Lions were fed to the Christians. IRONY!
JEDEDIAH GABRIEL COLLINS, BITCHES!
The story going in was that the Saints didn't get the Lions' best shot last time. Suh was out, Delmas was out, Fairley went out early, Detroit shot themselves in the foot on several non-consecutive occasions and Megatron was largely held in check. Jason Hanson missed two field goals, they were penalized 11 times for 107 yards, and on and on like that.
The result: a 14-point loss.
BUT… Detroit outgained the Saints, Free Credit Report dot com Guy threw for more yards than Drew did, they made Legatron punt four times, and the Lions had time of possession by more than 10 minutes. This time was gonna be different.
And they were right. This time was different. By a lot. This time Suh, Delmas and Fairley played the whole game. Stafford was on fire. Megatron set it off to the tune of 12 for 211. They were up 14-10 at the half, rather than being down 24-7. They were 4 for 4 in the red zone. The officials took it easy on 'em this time, penalizing them a downright paltry (by their standards) 7-for-64. They produced two takeaways. This time, the Saints did get Detroit's best shot.
The result: A 17-point loss.
Be sure to pour a 40 on the curb sometime today for Detroit's crushed souls. Hope they savored that halftime lead.
But hey, buck up, Detroit. It could have been worse. Far worse. But you already knew that, didn't ya?
At least you're not Atlanta. High five! You didn't drop a deuce against the 4 seed, your quarterback doesn't literally soil his pants in the middle of a game, and your best wideout isn't the single biggest douchebag in the NFL.
Might wanna do something about that creepy-ass Cro-Magnon head coach of yours though, what with all the invasion of personal space and way too much eye contact and whatnot. Just sayin'. Am I right, Michelle Tafoya? Hell, even my arm hair was standing on end. *shiver* You thought Brad Childress was creepy? This dude…
But hey, fuck Detroit. Just another victim. Onward and upward. And westward.
We're supposed to be scared about that, right? I mean, that's what they keep telling us.
After all, the Saints are A WHOLE DIFFERENT TEAM when they have to leave the house and go out into the real world, right? OH SHIT, IT'S THE ELEMENTS! Clearly we're fucked now! It goes a little something like that, right?
Yep. Clearly we're fucked. In the regular season, the Saints posted 462.8 offensive yards per game outdoors, which is a whopping 3.3 yards per game fewer than their overall season average. The defense has allowed 369.4 yards per game outdoors, which is a whole 1.0 yard per game above their overall season average. SHIT!
But to hell with yardage, that doesn't really matter anyway. Wanna see something that'll really make you shit your pants? The Saints are only averaging 25.8 points per game outdoors, which is a full 8.2 points per game below their overall season average. Worse yet, they're allowing 25.8 points per game outdoors, 4.6 points above their season average. DOUBLE SHIT!
If you're scoring at home, that's 129 points for and 129 points against in outdoor games this year. If you didn't know any better, you'd swear the Saints didn't go 3-2 outdoors this year. With one of those losses being an 8-point loss against the reigning champs in their house on Coronation Night when, as we know all too well, the visiting team NEVER wins. (You might recall though that the Saints came as close to pulling it off as any visitor ever has, the game ending with the ball in the Saints' hands on Green Bay's 2 yard line.)
It also bears mentioning that those two outdoor losses came in week 1 and week 6. Things are juuuust a bit different now than they were then, no?
But hey, by all means, curl up in a fetal position and wait for the impending DOOOOM(!!!) if that's what does it for ya, I guess.
FRANK GORE!!!! OH SHIT! Matt Forte: 49 rushing yards in week 2. 44 yards below his average. Maurice Jones-Drew (the league's leading rusher): 84 yards in week 4. Chris Johnson: 23 yards in week 14. Adrian Peterson: 60 yards in week 15. Michael Turner: 39 yards in week 16. The Saints have held opponents to fewer than 100 yards rushing in 6 of 9 games since their last loss (which, in case it's a bit hazy at this point, was back on October 30.) And Gore, as good as he is, only rushes for 75.7 yards per game in the first place. The Saints rush the ball better than San Francisco.
And Gore is all they've got on offense. The Great Alex Smith Who Has Finally Turned The Corner is sporting a passer rating of 90.7, passes for 196.5 yards per game, completes 61.3% of his passes, has thrown a whopping 17 touchdowns this season, and has been sacked 44 times (most in the league.) The Saints have already faced 5 quarterbacks with higher passer ratings than Smith, two of them twice each, and are 6-1 against them. And if you want to count Jay Cutler, Cam Newton and Matt Hasselbeck, there's another 4 wins against guys who average more passing yards per game than Smith.
Alex Smith ain't no Matthew Stafford, Michael Crabtree damn sure ain't no Megatron, and Vernon Davis is the Reggie Bush of tight ends. The Saints are 5-1 this season against Tony Gonzalez, Brandon Pettigrew and Kellen Winslow.
The 49ers are scoring 23.8 points per game, for crying out loud. The Saints offense has been held below 24 exactly 4 times this season, and they're 2-2 even in those games.
BUT THE 49ers HAVE THE BEST DEFENSE EVER! Except that both Houston's and Jacksonville's defenses are right there in the same ballpark. 2-0 against them this year, including one on the road and outdoors. And that was in weeks 3 and 4. At the risk of repeating myself, things were juuuuust a bit different back then. The Saints offense is a whole other animal these days.
Seriously. You're taking Alex Smith over Drew Brees? You're taking Vernon Davis over Jimmy Graham? You're taking Frank Gore over Pierre/Ivory/Sproles? You're taking Crabtree over Colston? You're taking any defense in the fuckin' league over this offense? You think San Francisco can put up 40?
Didn't think so.
#wegotthis Any time, any place. By a lot.
Seattle is ancient history. Everything has changed since then. Get over it already. The Saints are no longer a "finesse" team. They're the best rushing team among the remaining playoff contenders. Oh, they're also the best passing team among the remaining playoff contenders. They're also the hottest team among the remaining playoff contenders. They've got the best offense the NFL has ever seen, and nobody's got an answer for it.
Have love, will travel.
#wemaketherulespal
High five indeed! Not only was I in 7th heaven on Saturday (state of mind not some seedy club somewhere) when the awsaints ate some lions for breakfast but last night I was left with Cheshire cat grin as I thought of Roddy White and his long off season of bitterness. "Oh dear dear me woddy, how howibble it is for you woddy. All that time alone to think about your poor performance whilst you plat your hair."
As to the outdoors – pah. We'll be ok. If candlestick (or whatever they call it nowadays) has a big swirling wind then brees will just have to go to his short medium game which is, oh I don't know, 90% of his passes anyway. Jump out to an early lead and then watch Alex Smith kick into over drive and keep finding Jabari over the middle for a pick 6 – textbook!
Galette, Smith, Jordan and Wilson – eat your carrots boys, you have a QB to hunt.
I am extraordinarily confident going into this game. The 49ers' offense is basically the Atlanta offense with a slightly better running back (although not better enough to matter), a (reputedly but actually not so much) comparable tight end (who we weren't going to cover anyway since we've come to understand that that won't matter either), and a quarterback who is actually.. probably… is it even possible?… worse than Matty.
Meanwhile, they seem to believe that Patrick Willis is fast enough to cover Graham and Sproles at the same time. And, hey, I'm sure that's true but, in case they haven't noticed, the Saints have #FreedDevery and well.. good luck containing that hellstorm.
Also we owe these people… ooooh my freaking God do we owe them. We owe them the way we owed the Vikings in 2009. Playoff games like this are THE time to bring up the old shit. Those Destroying Angels Varg was talking about earlier this season are coming to collect their debts. If ever a situation called for a #wegotthis this is it.
FLIP the finger where the sun sets………………..
WhoDat exuberance over Atlanta's loss warms my heart. It's a heartening sign that the rivalry isn't losing intensity despite the Saints' recent domination of the Falcons.
That said, I'm expecting a war in Frisco. I'm not going to dismiss the road venue or the potential elements. I think those will be real factors in a game that likely will be decided by a made (or missed) field goal. I'm not expecting a Fifth(?!) straight forty point performance by the offense, or even a thirty point one. I suspect this contest will be more reminiscent of the Tennessee game in terms of nail-biting endings. I don't expect Brees to be super-crisp on his throws (Sacre-Bleu!), nor do I think the Saints will benefit from missed calls (that hold on the Sproles TD scamper) or errant whistles (on the fumble). We'll probably see some inexplicable drops by heroes like Graham and Colston; weird bounces and other shit.
And to paraphrase a Murray Head lyric, "the averages you use do not excite me." As we know, the playoffs are not an "average" situation. Players collide, not numbers. From what I see, The Saints set up the running game with the pass. It's devastating when both are humming along. But if things start slow, I don't think we're going to get many first downs running.
I fear SF will be able to run on us, but we will get stuffed.
Naturally, your post makes me feel more optimistic than I was, but I'm still a bit *worried*. I predict a down-to-the-wire finish. Just putting it out there for the record. I don't worry that everyone else isn't collectively worried enough, or any bullshit like that.
With all due respect, Mark, I don't think so.
It may become a close and down to the wire game…but more than likely, it's close until the middle of the 3rd quarter, and then the Saints' superior personnel on offense blow the game open, and the defense seals the deal late with a INT or Pick-6.
As Wang said, this is NOT the Saints team that lost to the Rams on October 30th or the defense that forgot how to tackle or even defend against Seattle last year. The D may still give up lots of yards to passing teams, but it finds a way to stuff the run and force teams to pass to win, and San Francisco is NOT Detroit or Green Bay or Atlanta.
And, while Frisco's run D is nothing to sneeze at, they have not faced anything close to the depth of PT/Sproles/Ivory, or the protection or three All-Pro linemen. And that's BEFORE we get to Drew Brees or the receiving corps of Sproles/Graham/Colston/Henderson/Meachem (perhaps even Moore recovers enough to play as well??) Depth matters, bitches.
The only way Frisco wins this is if they get lucky enough to get turnovers early, convert them into touchdowns rather than field goals, and so blitz Brees into even more mistakes that they can make it close enough to win by a FG at the end. If Joe Montana was the QB throwing to Jerry Rice and John Taylor, they would have a chance. ALEX SMITH to MICHAEL CRABTREE?!?! I don't think so.
If the Saints bring their A game and don't lose their heads in the Candlestick turf, and are patient enough to keep steadily jamming it down Frisco's throats with the run and taking what they can get with the pass, then they will slowly wear Frisco down, and then drop the hammer down around the third quarter with a couple of deep kill shots by Brees, a long return from Sproles, or a Pick-6/sack/fumble by Smith. Unless Alex Smith trades bodies with Tim Tebow, he'll simply crack under the G-Dub blitz, and then it will get ugly for Frisco.
Yeah, #WeGotThis.
Anthony
I'm just trying to figure out what's so damn scary about Weather that is predicted to be sunny and in the 60s. So, our unis get dirty.
The saints D is going to Gel all over Alex Smiffs wee little hands.
I’m having a premonition this week having to do with Harbaugh being a prick. He entered the preseason by blowing off Payton and continued his douchebaggery by repeatedly disrespecting other coaches during the regular season. Payton is going to run up the score to make sure Harbaugh knows his role. This ain’t the PAC 12. This ain’t the NFC West. You don’t swing the big sack. We do. Sean is going to take the whole bowl of dicks and stuff them down Harbaughs haughty gullet like a goose. This schlong fois gras will be a 40 point stern reminder to Harbaugh, Prisco, outdoor stadiums, top defenses and the rest of the league that we make the rules. It’s our world and you just live in it for as long as we allow.
Free credit report.com guy! Lmfao!!!!
Dammit I love reading your posts Wang! After a night of shit squirts R/T the Tigers game, I am gladly reminded of the Saints Kickassery and the promise of a great time this Saturday. Definitely needed a lift and this did it.
kickassery… im going to start using that in more sentences
San Fransisco is a very cool city and most of the residents are great peeps, food and geography are stellar, most every thing is easy to enjoy and worth the trip.
A 49ers game, however, is a horse's ass of a different color. Old facility, sub-crappy parking, garbage flying everywhere…reminds me of visits to the old landfill in Avondale.
The only thing that warrants fear in Candledicks Pawk are the cannabis intoxicated, teardrop tattooed convicts/fans that wear the 49ers colors and pollute the stands and parking areas.
I traveled with the WhoDat nation in 2010 and as a visiting fan with more than a 1/2 a brain and a dime's worth of morals, gameday was a miserable experience…but I have not been to San Fran's thuggier conjoined twin just across the bay so I can't dub them "the worst ever."
Furthermore. if you are traveling with the WhoDat nation this week, don't believe that crap the SF locals will tell you about "In-and-Out" burgers, I did and wouldn't eat that dog food again, even if the alternative was surviving on my own excrement. The remnants of any meal in the Big Easy is gourmet by comparison.
Also:
1st- The Saints rank 4th in points on the road. The Packers scored 239, Saints 218. So saying the Saints offense is different on the road would be saying the Packers offense is different on the road.
2nd- The Saints average 27.3 points on the road, only 3 other teams (Packers 35, Lions 30, Patriots 32) averaged more points for the entire season, home and away.
3rd- The Saints have the 6th rushing offense in the NFL. Of the 49ers 13 wins they only faced 2 quality rushing offenses. The Eagles (5th) and The Steelers (14th), We will disregard both these games because, the Eagles, with a 23-3 half time lead ran the ball with their RB’s a total of 12 times the entire game. We throw out the Steelers game due to Big Ben being hurt and Mendenhall getting nicked up. Plus the power going off and on etc…. In the remaining 11 games the best rushing offense they faced was the Bengals (19th). The rest are as follows: Seattle 21st (twice), Rams 23rd (twice), Arizona 24th (twice), Bucs 30th, Lions 29th, Browns 28th, Redskins 25th, Giants 32nd.
Who Dat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Fuck off, Cole.