Say, remember a few days ago when we were talking about how hard it is to draw any conclusions from camp practices because every good play by one of our heroes implies a bad play by another one of our heroes? Well, apparently we were full of shit. Somehow, it seems everyone up and down the whole damn roster just kicked a bunch of ass all weekend long. Somebody really needs to give the legitimate media a stern talking to about keeping their collective enthusiasm in check and not getting too carried away. After all, did Ed Daniels not teach us last year that August is a liar?

Meanwhile, on the message boards, it's the height of Stupid Macho Bullshit Season. See, Message Board Guy's been a little dismayed at Sean Payton's reluctance to, you know, endanger the fuckin' lives of his players by insisting that they practice outside in heat indexes of around 167 degrees. All day. No breaks. While cartoonish supervillains periodically throw flame upon them. And while being chased by mad dogs. Dogs that shoot bees out of their mouths.

As is the case every year when this issue comes up, the reasons for the objection range from the ridiculous to the mindnumbingly ridiculous.

On the "under vastly different circumstances, they might almost have a point" end of the spectrum is the "What happens when they have to play an actual game in searing heat?" rationale. Hey, they all count, and it would be a shame to lose an early-season game because the team isn't sufficiently acclimated to playing in those conditions.

That would be a valid concern if it weren't for, well, the schedule:
Week 1: Dome
Week 2: San Francisco (average Sept high: 71)
Week 3: Dome
Week 4: Dome
Week 5: Arizona (average Oct high: 89)
Week 6: Tampa (average Oct high: 84)
Week 7: Dome
Week 8: Dome
…and that takes us all the way into November.

So much for the need to be prepared to play a regular season game on the surface of the sun. If anything, they ought to hold all the practices indoors and just jack up the thermostat from time to time. The temperature on the field is gonna be the least of their worries when the regular season rolls around.

Also filed under "not quite ridiculous enough to make you wanna shove a screwdriver down your throat" is the idea that you need to get out in the heat to get into top condition. I'm no Strength and Conditioning Coach, so while I'm not so sure there's any real basis for that assumption, I'm willing to concede my ignorance on the issue and consider that there might be some merit to that.

But there's heat, and then there's fuckin' HEAT. And I'm absolutely 100% positive that athletes are quite capable of getting themselves into top condition without having to run around for 4 hours a day in conditions that normal people are warned about merely walking around in.

Not only is it unnecessary, it's way past the line where diminishing returns set in. How much conditioning is a guy gonna get while flat on his back for 3-4 days with an I.V. stuck in his arm? How effective are practice reps when half the players are dragging ass and struggling just to stay upright? When you're stopping every 15 minutes for guys to suck down trashcans full of Gatorade? (Or Red Bull, or Purple Drank, whatever they're prescribing these days.)

For that matter, have you heard anything yet this year about anybody showing up to camp woefully out of shape in the first place? This just in: Dulymus, Charles Grant and Hollis Thomas aren't on the team anymore. There's been no indication that there's any need these days for the Saints to treat the first two weeks as Fat Camp.

And then there are the truly laugh-out-loud objections. Internet Tough Guy chimes in…

Gotta toughen those punks up! Put some hair on their balls! Don't want a bunch of pansies running around wearing the Black & Gold!

Oh yeah, no doubt about it, MMAGuy1992. The NFL is just lousy with pansies. I'm sure all these guys (even Hartley) would totally break a sweat trying to make you tap out.

I think Semper Fi-Vo-Four's got ya one-upped though. He's got serious hard knocks cred…

I spent 17 years in Iraq with 150 pounds of arms and munitions strapped to my back, and it was in the 140's 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! My old man worked the shipyard until he was 75, and my granddad worked in a coal mine by day and in a steel mill by night! For 58 years! And these guys think it's gonna kill 'em to be out in the heat for a couple hours?

And, of course, what would a message board be without a little blue-collar righteousness…

I can't believe how they coddle these MILLIONAIRES! You pay me a million dollars, I'll be out there all day. And be damn grateful for the opportunity.

…and a heaping spoonful of Fan Arrogance…

They're screwing the fans out of the opportunity to see the practices! I drove 5 hours to see a practice, and had to turn right around and drive 5 hours back. No autographs or anything! Fans pay their salaries and I don't appreciate getting crapped on when I'm trying to be a good fan and support them. They should have to give 48 hours notice if they're moving practice inside.

Oh for crying out loud. Take all that nonsense and shove it right up your ass, all of you.

And quit with the "reminders" that Sean Payton's brutal camps are what got the Saints to where they are today. Because that's revisionist bullshit. 2007's "brutal" camp at Millsaps played no small part in four consecutive losses to start the season. They were dog fucking tired by week one, and you need both hands to count the number of players who weren't shy about saying so. 2008's "hair on your balls" camp was followed by a 2-3 start.

Last year, the Saints wisely moved camp back to… you know, an actual NFL-grade training facility… where they could… you know, actually practice without all the logistical bullshit. Sean Payton very publicly "eased up on them" and, well, we all know how that worked out. Midseason form in week one. 13 straight wins. 16-3. Super Bowl XLIV Champions. High five!

For all the pearl-clutching over the potential for season-changing camp injuries, it boggles the mind that such adverse conditions — such dangerous conditions — are considered by so many people as "just a part of it" or worse yet, somehow beneficial. As long as nobody drops fucking dead right on the practice field, that is. But only a pansy would do something like that, right?

There's not a single legitimate reason to subject our heroes to 120-degree brutality. None. Not if we want to see them kick lots of ass when it counts, anyway.

And if your personal baggage (be it of the dumbass macho jock wannabe variety, or the I'd suck 36 cocks for a million dollars but nobody's offering variety, or the By God I'm The Fan And Therefore I'm The Boss variety) trumps the physical well-being of our heroes, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to kindly go fuck yourself. At your earliest convenience, if you don't mind.