Chances are you've already forgotten, but at some point late last week, the Saints and Patriots hooked up and partied like it was 1981.

In what's sure to be remembered as an epic battle for the ages, Steve Grogan, Mosi Tatupu and the Patriots barely outpunched Dave Wilson, Toussaint Tyler and the visiting Saints, coming away with a scintillating 7-6 victory after 60 absolutely riveting minutes of preseason NFL action at its very finest. Or something. Now let's never speak of it again.

Aw screw it, let's speak of it a little more. It's not like we've got anything better to do.

Sucks that Elois Grooms is gonna be suspended for the first 4 regular season games. That sack-fumble on Grogan was a thing of beauty. The Saints seem to be showing signs of an actual pass rush here lately, but one of the young guys is gonna have to step up between now and September. Fingers crossed.

Perhaps they ought to think about moving that Rickey Jackson kid to 43 defensive end. I could be wrong here, but I've got a hunch that kid has a future in this league.

Those other new kids on the d-line, Jim Wilks and Frank Warren, don't look half bad either. Just sayin'.

It's also nice to be able to chill and not worry as much about the lack of depth in the secondary for the time being. Youngsters Johnnie Poetrick and Corey Whittelet held their own out there, which was quite a relief.

And don't even get me started on Toussaint L'Overture Cadet. I DEFY YOU to explain to me why they haven't traded George Rogers yet!

Shit, I feel like I've been transcribing some kind of hellish, barely-comprehensible, overly-referential drunken conversation between Dennis Miller and Pete Finney. Alright, fine. I think we've all had just about enough of that. My fault, forgiveness please. I have no idea what the hell was going on in my head. Moving on. Back to whatever year it's supposed to be right about now…

One of the more annoying things about preseason football is the obsessive search for undiscovered shiny things buried deep beneath the surface of the depth chart.

Actually, I suppose the search in and of itself isn't what's annoying. After all, that's what preseason is for. And lately, the Saints have been pretty good at finding lost rings and whatnot in the sand around the lemonade stand. We all love it when that happens, we want it to continue happening as often as possible. And of course, everybody loves an underdog. So I can understand why people get themselves all worked up over it.

The annoying part is the inevitable overbearing hype that results when something makes the metal detector beep, and the refusal to quit digging and move on when it turns out to be a (non jewel-encrusted) bottle cap.

"No, that can't be it. There's gotta be something else down here too. I just saw Mike Cerullo standing right here a few minutes ago digging in his pockets to pay for his hot dog, and when he walked away he wasn't wearing his Super Bowl ring. Keep digging, it's gotta be around here somewhere. It just has to be."

This just in: Sometimes… most of the time… it's just a fuckin' bottle cap. No matter how hard you sell it to yourself as something more, that's all it is.

What a fascinatingly strange psychological quirk. As eager as we fans can often be to discard proven assets like Devery Henderson and Roman Harper and Scott Shanle, we sure do hold on to guys like Onome Ojo and Chase Lyman and Rod Harper until the turk rips them from our desperately hopeful grasp.

At which point we bitch about what an obvious blunder it was to cut the shiny new thing rather than to "make room on the depth chart" for him. Because, of course, "No way in hell some other team doesn't snatch this stud off the waiver wire before he makes it to the practice squad!!!" (until they don't, and he does.)

And until then, every little thing he does is magic. Everything he do just turn us on. The most mundane, run-of-the-mill occasional flash of competence is treated as a sure sign of impending superstardom. The slightest indication that the dude might be able to hold his own on some NFL roster or other is taken as a clear indication that the dude absolutely must be kept on this particular roster. By any means necessary.

This year's case in point is none other than the aforementioned Toussaint L'Overture Cadet.

Not to rain on your parade or anything, I know he's got people's metal detectors going all apeshit right about now. But this dude's just a bottle cap.

Over two games, he's rushing for 1.53 yards per carry, for crying out loud. His longest run has been 7 yards. But most of the hype so far has been about his catching the ball out of the backfield. And that's fine. But 14 for 109 over two preseason games at a clip of 7.79 yards per reception is hardly noteworthy.

I mean sure, it's better than Reggie Bush. So I suppose he's got that going for him. But if that's got you digging holes all over your back yard, you really need to turn the sensitivity dial on your metal detector waaaaay down. You're wasting your time.

Oh, I know, I know. "Wang, tell me you didn't just try to prove a point by using preseason stats! Seriously?!? WATCH THE GAMES! Stats are lies even in the regular season! In the preseason, they're complete gibberish!"

Sigh. I suppose his fluid hips are a much more reliable indicator? Or something? Does 1.53 yards per carry just scream "strong at the point of attack" at ya?

I've watched the games. Hell, I was re-watching the DVR recording of the tee vee broadcast "game film" on both of them while everybody on Twitter was watching trivial shit like Olympic basketball. Even managed to stay awake until the end this time. High five! USA! USA! USA!

But by all means, do feel free to go ahead and enlighten me on what you've been seeing that I've been missing, hip fluidity and/or strength at the POA notwithstanding. Because I sure as hell haven't been seeing it. All I've seen is "just a guy" doing just slightly more than jack shit. In preseason.

If anything, wouldn't you think that the stats ought to be inflated given that "it's just preseason" if the guy were some kind of stud? Cadet has been playing from the first quarter (behind the first string o-line) all the way through to the fourth quarter (against scrub defenders.) He's had the most touches of anyone on the team through two games. Where are these so-called flashes of brilliance?

What, one 4-yard touchdown reception? One 24-yard reception? One 21-yard punt return? What is it, specifically, that's got you all hot and bothered over this guy? What about any of those things strikes you as so incredibly special?

On the other hand, it doesn't exactly do a whole hell of a lot to help put the ole kibosh on the ridiculously overblown Cadet hype that Chris Ivory hasn't really done jack shit so far this preseason either. 17 for 30 with a long of 7, 1.76 yards per carry. One reception for 15 yards. Guh.

It also doesn't help that Ivory no longer pings the metal detector these days. He's already had his 15 minutes of shininess. Then we got bored with him and stashed him away in the attic. And everybody hates going up into the attic.

I mean, you've got to pull down that rickety fold-out bullshit ladder thing and try not to kill yourself when your shirt sleeve inevitably gets caught in one of the hinges while you're climbing it. And then once you're up there, it's hot as fuck and all you want in life at that moment is to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. "Screw all this, I'll just find myself a new shiny thing."

But that's stupid. Ivory might be a bull in a china shop, but he's still a bull. The Saints already have two guys who can catch the ball out of the backfield and do a hell of a lot more with it after the catch than just take the 7 or 8 yards the opposing defenders give him while they're standing around asking one another "Who the fuck is Travaris Cadet???"

There's only one guy on the roster right now who can put those very same defenders flat on their backs and have them asking one another "Who the fuck is the current president? Is it Millard Fillmore?"

Yeah, give me that guy over the shiny new redundant thing every single time. Cadet brings nothing to the table, at least for this particular team. But by all means, have fun with the legend while you can, if that kind of thing does it for ya.

And then there's The Great Joe Morgan, whose legend is somehow still getting by on what amounts to little more than two flashy plays during last year's preseason. He only caught two fuckin' passes, for crying out loud. But one of them was a 56-yard touchdown, and he had a 78-yard punt return for a touchdown as well. And that's great, but somehow it got built up into some kind of crazy "Man, if only that guy hadn't gotten injured… he's clearly The Next Michael Lewis!" type of thing. And it's still going strong.

Nevermind that even during last year's preseason, he only caught one other pass (for 21 yards) and his other five punt returns averaged 4.8 yards per. Nevermind that his only kickoff return went for a decidedly not-special 26 yards.

Nevermind that Jeff Duncan's "hands-down best deep threat on the roster" has a whopping 4 receptions for 42 yards so far. That's 10.5 yards per, if you're scoring at home, with a long of 15. You can't stop him, you can only hope to contain him!

And punt returns? 5 for 36, 7.2 yards per. (Which, much like Cadet, does put him above Reggie Bush. So there's that.)

I get it though. No, seriously, I really do. He's fast. Hey, I love fast dudes as much as the next guy. I just personally tend to prefer productive guys, that's all.

And finally, coming on strong as of late is Message Board Guy's obligatory annual Great White Hope. This year's legitimate contender is Andy Tanner. And unlike Chase Lyman (Cal) and Mike Hass (Oregon State) Tanner has the added benefit of being from a college program nobody's ever heard of, Midwestern State.

Hey, 8 for 120 so far. 15 yards per reception. Not exactly a huge sample size, but nothing to sneeze at either. Clearly this guy is The Next Keith Poole. And Keith Poole was pretty fuckin' awesome, no? Damn right he was!

Look, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that you ought to quit rooting for these guys. I'd never do that. I'm rooting for 'em right along with you. Of course I am. Big time. Hey, we're Saints fans. It's what we do.

All I'm saying is that, so far, all indications are that there ain't no Pierre Thomas or Marques Colston or Michael Lewis mojo going on here. Not this year. Might be a good idea to go ahead and come to grips with that.

That is, unless you're absolutely hilarious as Pissed Off Internet Guy. In which case, by all means, please carry on. Winter The turk is coming.

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