Chase Daniel has been a Saint less than 48 hours and I already hate his guts. It’s nothing personal, and it’s not even his fault. Still, I hate him and wish he would go away immediately.

Sorry, Chase. Any chance you’d be willing to remedy this issue by changing your surname? I don’t even care what you change it to. Alem, Abdul-Rauf, Ochocinco, Fieri, doesn’t matter. Hell, even Daniels would be fine.

Those of you who have regularly subjected yourself to this here blog for any significant period of time know that I’m fiercely devoted to my own pet peeves. Especially ones that regularly present themselves on the internet.

Want me to know that you’re a huge douchebag? Use the word "frosh." Want to blind me with rage? Use the word "myriad." Extra points for using it as an adjective. Want to make my head explode? Spell words like "grey" the hip European wey, even though you and I both know you’re from fuckin’ Kentucky. (Incidentally, grey is a tone, asshole. Not a colour. This just in: don’t believe everything you read in the liner notes of a fucking Counting Crows CD. They’ve never been to Europe either.) 

Snobbery? You betcha. I make no apologies for it. There’s just no excuse for that kind of crap. But for the time being, one particular gamma ray burst of dumbfuckery is outshining all others, and I’m not sure I’m going to make it through with my sanity intact.

It’s the dreaded superfluous S inexplicably appended to the surname.

You know what I’m talking about. This is why I danced a merry jig when the Saints failed to sign Asante Samuel(s).

Unfortunately, in my naïveté, I assumed that Mickey Loomis and Sean Payton passed on Samuel because they too would have been driven mad by that confounded superfluous S. I had convinced myself that the Saints would never sign a guy with a problematic surname, such as Michael, Wood, Owen, Stark and… Daniel.

Sigh. Now I’ve gotta deal with this shit all year?

I blame Jason David. (*gasps of disbelief fill the internet*)

For some reason, the surname David seemed immune to the superfluous S. Go figure. Clearly this lulled Loomis and Payton into a false sense of security, blinding them to the seventeen kinds of hellish butchery they were about to unleash. And don’t even get me started on the misplaced apostrophe nightmare that’s sure to ensue once Message Board Guy gets a hold of some YouTube highlight clips game film and starts talking about his fluid hips and strength at the point of attack. Please just kill me now. I’m begging you.

It would be one thing if the player in question were some kind of badass Samoan. Go ahead and put the apostrophe wherever the hell you want. Hell, stick four or five of ‘em in there, no problem. This team has been woefully lacking in the area of badass Samoans since the Pio Sagapolutele Era anyway. (Ink Aleaga doesn’t count, he’s Hawaiian. Hawaiian < Samoan.)

But a 5 foot 10 undrafted rookie quarterback from the "Big" 12 who’s already been cut once in favor of Jason Campbell and Colt fucking Brennan? Not nearly worth this level of annoyance. It’s bad enough that he was already a short white guy from Texas who had marginal success in a weak college conference, and that somehow that automatically makes him "a Drew Brees clone!!!!"

On the other hand, Chase does have one thing going for him in my book. He seems to have temporarily gotten Adrian Arrington the fuck out of my face.

Of course, that’ll last right up until he connects with Arrington on a BEAUTIFUL 80 yard touchdown while Leigh Torrence is checking out Kim Kardashian’s ass during 9-on-7 drills next week, and Message Board Guy starts screaming about how THE FUTURE IS NOW! Is Colston eligible for the practice squad? What kind of pick do you think we could get for Drew? Gotta be at least a third, don’t ya think? Just remember where you heard it first. I’m totally bookmarking this post and we’ll just see who’s eating crow in 2013!

Guh.

Speaking of Arrington, I’ve gotta give Message Board Guy credit for being all over that issue. The over/under on the number of teams putting in waiver claims on Arrington, should the Saints be stupid enough to waive him in the first place, had been set at 31. The actual number was zero. Ooooooh, so close. Who’d have figured that there wouldn’t be a single team in the whole damn league that would be interested in picking up a surefire "number one wideout" off the waiver wire, immediately inserting him into their starting lineup, and sending him to the Pro Bowl in February?

Mickey Loomis is stupid LIKE A FOX, I tells ya!

But just watch, because I’m calling it right now. Loomis is gonna give Drew and Colston a metric fuckton of money, even though everybody knows that the future is Chase Daniels to Adrian Arringtons. And quite possibly Matt Simons.