"Name three people burned less than Jason David." Hiyoooooo!

Well I’ll be damned if we didn’t finally learn something significant from a preseason game. Of course, it was something we pretty much already knew. There is absolutely, positively no legitimate reason for Jason David to ever take the field again for the New Orleans Saints. Ever. Under any circumstances. Ever. Ever.

Sure the Bangles were without the top seventeen wideouts on their depth chart. Hell, they had Susanna Hoffs out there running curl routes for crying out loud. So what? You and I both know that Suz would have put it on our pal JD to the tune of 8 for 174 and 3 touchdowns. She’d have probably walked like an Egyptian from the 10 yard line on in, and I think we all had just about enough of that back in ‘86.

Mike Triplett speculates that our long local nightmare might soon be over. (Shockingly, Pete Finney used 32 paragraphs to tell us we’ll have to wait and see.)

I think cutting David should be a last resort. See if you can work a trade first. For example, I’d see if I couldn’t package him with a 7th round pick next year and trade him to Carolina, with the condition that if he’s on the field for 75% of the Panthers’ snaps, the 7th we send them becomes a 1st. Same deal for Tampa if they bite first. Otherwise, I’m sure David will find himself a gig in Seattle with Olindo Mare.

Speaking of Orlando™, here’s a sentence I never thought I’d utter: "The Olindo Mare Experience gives me hope."

Precedent has been set for this administration’s willingness to cut bait with a bust acquisition sooner than later and realize there’s no point in compounding the issue by trying to squeeze blood from a turnip. First cuts are due any minute now. Here’s hoping the turk doesn’t trip over an ottoman on the way to David’s locker. (You can kick me in the balls for that lameass line later. I mean, really. That was just awful.)

Sure, Tracy Porter is a rookie. Usama Young is a 2nd-year guy who’s banged up. Aaron Glenn was spanked by Grover Cleveland on two non-consecutive occasions. Jason Craft’s four years in New Orleans have been about as exciting as holiday programming on C-SPAN.

But here’s what all those guys have going for them: they’re not Jason David.

And if that ain’t enough for you, your standards are too high. Please try to remember that you’re a Saints fan.

The downside to David’s impending departure is that soon we’ll have to settle on a new target for our irrational loathing and unreasonably harsh assessments of his relative level of competence. We’re taking nominations.

I don’t know who it might be, but I’ll tell you who it won’t be: Reggie Bush. Not after that game-breaking 2 rushes for 6 yards performance Saturday night. We know elite playmakers when we see ‘em.

Playa haters? Not us, Jack. We give props where they’re due. And we’ve got nothing but love for dry lakebeds. We like to holla at one whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Peter Tom: 46 yards on 5 carries
Stecker Ace: 29 yards on 6 carries
Dulymus and that dude from the Adidas ads: 15 yards on 8 carries
I’m just sayin’.

Antonio Pittman currently has more rushing yards than any Saints tailback. Just sayin’.

Oh, I know it’s not their fault. Most of the popular blame has been directed at the offensive line and/or "it’s preseason." There’s merit to both of those positions, but I think deep down we all know where the real blame lies. Clearly this is Jason David’s fault.

Another guy who won’t be taking a turn as the object of our scorn (rational or otherwise) anytime soon is Mike McKenzie. This guy… this is my kind of guy.

I’ll tell you who it’s probably gonna be: Marteen Gramatica.

And I must admit, I feel just the slightest twinge of shame about it. I mean, this guy rescued us from the Olindo Mare Experience. He’s been nothing but solid since he’s been here. Sure, it’s like having one of those yapping little dogs that just shakes and pisses all the time on your roster. But he’s done nothing to lose his job, and he’s certainly done nothing to deserve the kind of wrath we’re pretty sure we’re about to start heaping upon him.

But I have this sinking feeling that he’s about to take a roster spot that ought to go to somebody else. Somebody like Hollis Thomas. Or Adrian Arrington. Or one of the corners not named Jason David. Or Taylor Mehlhaff. And I’m gonna be one pissed off Saints fan if that happens.

Marteen and Mehlhaff are both perfect on their field goals and extra points. Marteen has converted 3 FGs to Mehlhaff’s 2. Marteen’s longest is 43, Mehlhaff’s is 45. Marteen has hit 4 PATs to Mehlhaff’s 3. (Oddly enough, all of those were from the exact same distance.)

Kickoffs? Mehlhaff has 12 to Marteen’s 3. Marteen’s go farther by an average of about 2.5 yards.But strangely, the only touchback belongs to Mehlhaff, and Mehlhaff’s get returned on average one yard less than Marteen’s. Why exactly is there any talk at all of the Saints doing anything other than keeping Mehlhaff and only Mehlhaff? I mean, it’s as crazy as cutting Antonio Pittman to keep Reggie Bush.

If and when this redundant chump, who from 2004 to 2007 couldn’t hold down a steady job in the NFL, ends up taking a roster spot from someone who might someday be the slightest bit useful to this team in the present or near future… well, I’m gonna… why I swear I’m gonna… uh……..

Well, you can be damn sure I’m going to register my disapproval on the internet! Ha! Take that, assholes!