It seems a marauding band of Spam-loving Scandinavian savages has set sail from the Green Midget Café in Bromley and is due to arrive Monday evening with the intent to loot, pillage and plunder along the banks of the Mississippi. They are in for quite the rude awakening.

Conquering large parts of Europe, England and eastern Canada is all well and good, but we don’t play that shit down here in these parts. And there’s no Spam on the menu. Deal with it, jerks.

The Vikings… what a bunch of assholes. The original bleach blondes. Phony, romanticized heroes to all manner of Nazis, racists, fascists, and angry goth poseur teens chugging Carlsberg from skull cups whilst sporting sleeveless chainmail shirts and corpsepaint puchased with earnings from their part-time jobs at the local mall. With a legacy like that, is it any wonder that these phony-baloney seafaring thugs, not a single one of whom ever donned a horned helmet, were eventually vanquished by…… Catholics? Venerators of… the Saints? Yeah, that’s right, bitches! Pwned. Überpwned. Eternapwned.

¿Quién es más macho? Is there any doubt? These dudes might as well not even bother to show up with that weak shit.

Oh sure, they’ve won the occasional battle here and there. I haven’t forgotten Mewelde Moore… Daunte Culpepper’s QB draw… Randy Moss on the WR screen… 34-16… Cris Carter… Anthony Carter… 44-10…. shit, pardon me while I go curl up in a fetal position and cry for a couple hours.

Fortunately for us, these Vikings ain’t those Vikings. Not by a long shot.

As might be expected, many Saints fans have been crapping their pants all week over the prospect of the Saints having to try to find a way to contain Big Bad Adrian Peterson. And yeah, he’s a badass. No sense in denying it. Peterson is 2nd in the league in rushing right now, and he’s only 2 yards behind Michael Turner. The Saints’ rushing defense currently ranks 20th in the league, allowing 122.8 per game. We’re screwed, right?

Well, allow me to spin here for a few minutes. Frank Gore is currently 4th in the league and only 51 yards behind Peterson. Given the same number of carries (Gore is 7 behind) at his current average of 4.9 ypc, Gore would only be 17 yards behind Peterson. Last week, the Saints held Gore to only 82 yards. Clinton Portis is tied with Gore for 4th in the league. The Saints held him to 96 yards two weeks ago. Earnest Graham is 8th in the league and the Saints held him to 91 yards in week 1 (though, to be fair, Warrick Dunn added another 54.) Selvin Young doesn’t get nearly as many carries, but he’s 2nd in the league in yards per carry (6.2) among tailbacks with 30+ carries.

The point of all that is that the Saints’ run defense might not be as bad as the stats would indicate. It’s just that the Saints happen to have faced elite tailbacks every single week so far this season. But the Saints have been holding those elite tailbacks to totals at or below their season averages. Furthermore, they’re getting better. The Saints have not allowed their opponents’ tailbacks to combine for 100+ yards since week 2. (Denver totalled 105, but 13 of those were off of Jay Cutler scrambles and an Eddie Royal end around.)

Not that it gets any easier this week. Peterson is the best one yet, and is more than capable of shoving it right down our throats. But while the Saints’ run defense appears to be getting better, Peterson appears to be sliding. His totals the last two weeks have been 80 and 77 yards. And while last week’s 80 was against the 8th ranked rushing defense in the league, the 77 two weeks ago came against Carolina’s rushing defense which is only barely better than the Saints’ (they’re 19th) and for the exact same reason (they’ve faced Tomlinson, Forte, Peterson and Michael Turner.)

Peterson’s monster game where he put up 160 yards just happened to have come against Indianapolis, who’s sporting the league’s 31st ranked rushing defense. And it came in a loss. A loss in which the Vikings never even reached the end zone.

And that’s what all this long-winded exposition boils down to. Peterson can be contained, and he’s all they’ve got.

Even with Peterson putting up 160 to Joseph Addai’s 20, and with Peyton Manning putting up a pedestrian (by his standards) 311 passing yards and throwing two picks, the Vikings lost 18-15 because they couldn’t get in the end zone. Minnesota’s lone win came with the aid of a defensive touchdown, and against a Carolina offense that’s even worse than theirs. Minnesota’s offensive touchdowns by game: 2, 0, 1, 2.

Meantime, on the other side of the ball, the Vikings’ defense is very likely overrated. They haven’t exactly been facing powerhouse offenses. Green Bay is 15th, Indy is 17th, Carolina is 24th and Tennessee is 22nd. The Saints, by the way, are 3rd.

The Vikings’ rushing defense is currently 3rd in the league. And they’re legitimately good. I’m not saying they’re complete frauds, but again, look who they’ve been facing. Green Bay is 23rd, Indy is 32nd, Carolina is 19th and Tennessee is 8th. Not that the Saints are going to be much more of a challenge for them, given that the Saints are 25th in the league in rushing.

But that’s not how the Saints are gonna beat them. They’re gonna beat them the way they beat everyone else - through the air. The Vikings have the 17th ranked pass defense in the league, and they’ve yet to face a passing offense as good as the Saints’. Which might have something to do with the fact that there isn’t one. The Saints are #1. The best the Vikings have faced so far is Indy at #6. Green Bay is 10th, Carolina is 18th and Tennessee is 23rd.

The Vikings only have 2 interceptions on the year, both in the same game (which they lost) and their overall turnover margin is -2. The Saints have 4 interceptions on the year and an overall turnover margin of 0. The Vikings have allowed 10 sacks and have only produced 7. The Saints have produced 10 and allowed 4.

What it comes down to is that the Vikings are Adrian Peterson and a bunch of chumps named Steve. The only reason the Saints should lose Monday night is if somehow it stays close and it ends up coming down to the kickers. Because, well, you know… theirs is very good, and ours is Marteen.

Prediction: Another day at the office for Drew. Dulymus probably only gets 8-10 relatively unproductive carries for 25-30 yards, but it’ll be enough to achieve the desired effect. The "running game" will shift back to the short passes to Reggie, after he spent much of his time last week sulking. But that’s fine, that’s what they ought to do. Peterson will get his buck twenty and score twice, and they’ll move the ball enough through the air to allow Longwell to add 3 field goals. Saints fans will be nervous most of the night, but in the end, this offense is officially rollin’. Saints 31, Vikings 23