WARNING: This post is gonna suck. There really oughta be some kind of Viagra for bloggers. Or something. Hey, I get as many spam emails for wang enhancement as the next guy, but they’re never for the kind of wang enhancement I’m in need of right about now.

Originally, I had intended to post a detailed statistical analysis of why Ohio State really doesn’t need to even bother showing up at the Dome on January 7. Seriously, I’ve got spreadsheets and everything. I spent several hours transposing numbers from cfbstats.com into Open Office, then translating numbers into bullet points asserting LSU’s clear statistical dominance going in.

Then a funny thing happened… I realized I was boring the hell out of myself. And I realized I couldn’t subject you good people to that.

Oh sure, I could have jazzed it up a bit. For example, I was going to title it "I think I’m goin’ to Statmandu" which, come on, you have to admit that Bob Seger references just don’t get any more clever than that. Sure, Bob Seger references empirically suck to begin with, but I must confess that it amused the hell out of me.

Then there’s the picture of Perrilloux. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves. I’ve been told that the pic is straight off of Ryan’s MySpace page. I can’t confirm that though, as I have an arrogant, cooler-than-thou objection to anything and everything MySpace. Anyway, everything about the picture is straight up comedy bling. I mean, come on. The (what I assume to be) East St. John high school class ring on the pinky, the dress shirt collar over the sweater, the Elton John shades in the dark club, the Moët et Chandon, the to-up-from-the-flo-up sidekick who seems to be struggling to figure out what planet he’s on… classic. Just top shelf shit.

I also had a little piece of silliness written up which was based on Perrilloux following Coach Miles around in the days leading up to the game, lobbying Coach for playing time in the championship game by serenading him with  "Lemmelemmelemme lemme upgraaade ya, grade ya…" which would have necessitated the use of this here pic instead:

But I couldn’t make up my mind whether it was preferable to go with the hotness factor of Beyonce’s face vs. the increased comedy factor of photoshopping Perrilloux’s face in there.

Yeah, this is the kind of shit I actually give serious thought to. God I suck sometimes.

In the end, the clear decision was to abort the whole thing. Suffice to say that Ohio State’s defense will be the toughest LSU will have faced all year, and LSU’s will be the toughest defense Ohio State has faced all year. But LSU’s offense will be hands-down the toughest Ohio State has faced, while LSU has faced several offenses far better than Ohio State’s. In fact, Ohio State’s offense is just about average compared to the rest of LSU’s opponents.

Ohio State has faced exactly one quarterback who can run — Juice Williams — and they lost that game. LSU has two of ‘em, though one can only hope that Perrilloux’s serenades have the desired effect, and Ohio State sees only one of ‘em come January 7. The better one.

LSU has already seen better QBs than Todd Boeckman, better RBs than Beanie Wells and better WRs than Brian Robiskie. They’ve seen more dynamic offenses, more creative offenses, offenses with more than one playmaker on the ground and through the air.

Meanwhile, OSU hasn’t seen an offense comparable to LSU’s. They haven’t seen an offense who can run and throw. They haven’t seen one with five legit wideouts and a legit pass catching tight end. They haven’t seen one with five legit tailbacks who all bring different looks.

LSU. Big.

Nola Chick is all over the reasons why I have no idea what’s coming this afternoon in the Saints/Cardinals game. Both of these teams are so fucking schizo. I wouldn’t be surprised if either team wins by 20, or it goes into overtime. Could be a 42-41 shootout or it could be a 10-9 punt party. So I think I’ll just drink and watch. And drink.

Apologies to our friend Saintseester for one of her comments apparently vanishing. Hell if I know what’s up with all that. Used to be that the built-in spam-catcher in Wordpress used to leave spam comments visible to me and I’d have to confirm their spam status before they were gone for good. Back then, there were a few instances of false-positives, and I’d just de-spam them and they’d show up. But for some reason, somewhere along the line it just started deleting them. The "Spam comments caught" counter keeps increasing, but there’s never anything in my spam queue. Go figure. So mea culpas to anyone else that might have happened to as well (I’m looking in ronaski’s direction.)

Couple of fun things from the logs recently…. who the hell could be visiting this here blog from Bahrain, I wonder? The hits from Google for the search phrase "ethiopian whores" continue, for whatever reason. And they’ve been supplemented by searches on the phrase "mare fucking." Don’t they know he’s on IR these days? Because if it’s not "mah-ray" then… well… I just don’t wanna know. People still haven’t figured out who sings that song from the Old Navy ads. And wow do a lot of people all of a sudden hate Bobby Petrino… for some reason. Wonder why? There’s something perversely satisfying about Falcons fans searching the web for places to wallow in their hatred of their former head coach, only to find this blog and its particular brand of Falcons-related content. Hahaha.