If you don’t regularly read Ralph Malbrough’s Forecast column over at WWLTV dot com, you should. Ralph doesn’t pull any punches, his columns are substantive, and most of the time he makes a ton of sense. But occasionally, Ralph goes completely off the reservation. And that’s always big fun, because it allows me to give him shit about it.

Ralph seems a bit pissed off right about now because… this just in: Tom Benson ain’t exactly the long lost bastard brother of George Steinbrenner. Shocking but true.

The cramps seem to have been caused by Mickey Loomis’ recent poormouthing in the Times-Picayune. The bloating is due to Jay Glazer’s report that Sean Payton gave up $250,000 of his salary so that the organization could give it to Gregg Williams. Hey, those things would piss me off too if I took them at face value. Fortunately for us, it’s likely that both are DAMNABLE LIES!!!! 

Let’s start with the easy one. The idea that Sean Payton actually gave up a quarter of a million dollars out of his own pocket to subsidize the salary of his new defensive coordinator is patently absurd. I find it hilarious that the organization/Payton/Payton’s agent/whoever leaked this bullshit to Glazer in the first place actually expects anybody to believe it.

Oh sure, I suppose it might be "true" on paper. For purposes of legitimizing this here public relations stunt, I’m sure the numbers could be shuffled in such a way that it becomes technically true. And just for the record, I don’t see anything wrong with it, other than that it’s ridiculous. They could have at least called a press conference and had Rita present Williams with one of those bitchin’ oversized novelty checks. I mean, might as well go balls out with it.

But… really. Come on. Surely nobody really thinks that Tom Benson or Mickey Loomis told Sean Payton that $250k was going to stand between their primary DC candidate and square one. And that, rather than resigning on the spot, Payton said "Well then, take it out of my kids’ mouths then. No sacrifice is too great for the sake of winning." Puh-lease. And even if you believe that that’s how it went down, you’re telling me you believe that Benson didn’t immediately reply with "Wait, did I say $250k? Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say 2.5 million."

No, this is a blatant public relations stunt for the benefit of Sean Payton’s public approval rating. Which is fine. The public’s confidence in Payton surely needed a shot in the arm. And what better way to get the fans back on your side than to appeal to their blue collar self-righteousness by bringing your net worth a tiny bit closer to theirs? And all for the sake of resolving whatever football issue happens to be pissing them off right at the moment. Woo doogie! Short of shooting a terrorist or saving a drowning baby, I can’t think of any better button to push.

And boy did it work. You can almost see the miniature American flags and hear the chants of "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" as the throng roars its approval in the general direction of such selfless sacrifice on Sean Payton’s part.

Of course, this kind of thing has a shelf life of about 15 minutes. And it requires that The Old Man open himself up to further inventory being shit upon by people who object to his business practices. But hey, better his cars than yours I guess.

Bottom line is that the whole thing is bullshit. A benign ruse for the sake of public support.

The other issue isn’t necessarily complete bullshit. The salary cap is going to be more of a significant roadblock than it has been maybe in the entire time Loomis has been here, that much seems evident. And yeah, it sucks. But I suspect that a big part of it is simply Loomis crying poor to keep expectations low amongst a group of people who get stars in their eyes about this time every year.

Predictably, Message Board Guy thinks this is just further proof of Loomis’ incompetence. "How could he not have seen this coming? Clearly Loomis doesn’t deserve all the credit he’s gotten over the last several years for being an outstanding cap manager. He was just pushing off the bills until he couldn’t push them off anymore, and now we’re in cap hell!!!"

Fuck you, Message Board Guy. It’s a testament to Loomis’ competence that this is the first time the cap has been a significant issue for the Saints in, what, a half a decade now? And "cap hell" couldn’t be more of a ridiculous, petulant overreaction to the Saints’ current situation. (To be clear, Ralph isn’t guilty of this. I’m talking about Message Board Guy here.)

Now that’s not to say that mistakes haven’t been made. Grant’s and/or Smith’s contracts come to mind. And who knows, the book might not necessarily be closed on that particular swing-and-a-miss just yet. Let’s see what Williams can do with these assholes.

But Loomis swung for the fences with a certain godlike franchise quarterback. That comes at a price, and I think just about everybody will agree that it was worth every penny. They made the call just about everybody figured they had to make with Reggie Bush. That too comes at a cost, regardless of what you think the return on the investment has been so far.

Let’s remember that, regardless of how they got there, this is still an 8-8 team. With a franchise quarterback and the best offense in the league. And it’s not like the Saints are going to have to gut their roster to get themselves into cap compliance. Sure, they’re not going to be able to go out and give a ridiculous contract to someone from outside the organization. But that doesn’t exactly equate to cap hell.

Loomis seems to be taking it as a given that the Saints are going to re-sign Jon Vilma. And Jahri Evans is about to get paid too. If these two guys hadn’t been on the Saints roster last year, both of them would probably be right at the top of most Saints fans’ free agency wish lists. And if Loomis were to sign them both, most of us would consider that quite a "splash" in free agency.

But because both of these guys were Saints in 2008, many Saints fans seem to have the attitude that those signings don’t count. And on some level, they don’t. It’s reasonable to say that re-signing your own guys is just treading water. Running in place. But would you rather the Saints didn’t "go out and" sign Vilma and Evans?

Good players eventually cost a lot of money, regardless of whether you’re bringing them in from other teams or whether they’ve been with you all along. And everybody plays by the same cap rules (except Carmen Policy.) The Old Man’s spendthrift ways are completely irrelevant.

Loomis has his work cut out for him, no question about it. But the cupboard isn’t exactly bare either. Crying poor is just Loomis’ way of saying "Hey Message Board Guy, hate to break it to ya, but we’re not gonna be bringing in Nnamdi Asomugha, Terrell Suggs, Julius Peppers, Karlos Dansby, Albert Haynesworth and Dawan Landry, okay? Think you can deal with the disappointment, asshole? Think you’ll be able to forgive me, Mister Realist Guy?" He’s trying to nip the unrealistic expectations in the bud, not that it’ll do him much good.

But there will be new faces on the roster next year, you can count on it. They might be from "the bargain bin" but if you’re gonna bitch about bargain bin signings, you can’t ignore it and take it for granted when they shoot for the moon, like they did with Drew. And Bush. And Vilma. And keeping Smith and Grant (even if you consider it a mistake to have paid them, the "bargain basement" option would have been to let ‘em walk.)

Ralph is right in that Williams is probably going to end up being the "marquee acquisition" for the Saints this offseason. That is, assuming you subscribe to the notion that Vilma and Evans (and Stinchcomb and maybe Jack Hunt, assuming you aren’t He Sucks Because He Went To LSU Guy) don’t count because that’s just keeping what you already have.

But that’s no reason to start crying "8-8 again!!!" in fucking January.

Hey, I’m all for anger for the sake of anger. It releases a bunch of endorphins and shit, and that’s pretty trippy. But don’t waste your anger on bullshit. All this crying poor is not nearly as big a deal as it’s being made out to be. There’s fat to be trimmed, free agents to sign (and there will be some) and picks to be made.

Sure, the 2009 draft has been pretty thoroughly gutted… and let me just take this opportunity to remind you that it was gutted in a series of shoot-for-the-moon, win-now, non-bargain-basement type moves. But it’s not like the Saints don’t have any draft ammo at all. There’s still a first rounder, and let’s not forget that the Saints have come away with Marques Colston, Jahri Evans and Carl Nicks with "throwaway" picks over the last three years. And they produced Pierre Thomas out of thin air.

So sack up, Ralph. Don’t make me photoshop your head onto a squirrel’s torso.

After all, apparently Marteen Gramatica is now officially retired from the NFL. You wanna talk about huge offseason upgrades? Eliminating any possibility that that guy will ever again hold the Saints’ chance to win in his greasy little hands ought to be good for at least a two-game improvement this fall.

The Old Man:
We goin’ to da Supa Bow !!!