Cha-ching! How about that Pancho's Defense, bitches?!? Are you not entertained?

It's times like these when I wish this here little pissant blog had more than about a half-dozen readers. Because we'd have three whole weeks to get ourselves organized and get a "Raise the flag! Raise the flag! Raise the flag!" chant going during Dec 26th's game against Atlanta in the… wait for it, wait for it… Mercedes-Benz Superdome.

Oh, I know, I know. I'm being way too hard on them. After all, they held the league's 4th ranked scoring offense to 17 points, damn near 11 below their season-long average!

We'll just go ahead and ignore the fact that Detroit had scored fewer than 17 in 2 of their last 3 games coming into Sunday night, and fewer than 20 in 4 of their last 6. Flautas for everyone!

I mean, sure, they allowed that douche from the Free Credit Report dot com commercials to drop 408 yards passing on 'em, his highest output of the season, and post a passer rating of 97.5 which is over 6 points above his season average and higher than his rating in 4 of his last 6 games coming into Sunday night. Screw it! Garbage stats! They don't count if they don't score, right?

And they held The Great Calvin Johnson to a mere 6 for 69 and kept him out of the end zone! Hey, you'll get no argument from me that that was quite an accomplishment, despite the fact that Johnson hadn't had a 100-yard game in his last 3 coming into Sunday night, and had only scored only one touchdown in those 3 games.

So it's no wonder ESPN's Pat Yasinkas, the local Legitimate Media™ and Message Board Guy have been showering the defense with praise since Sunday night for totally carrying the team to a home win against a team that had gone 2-4 over their last 6 games, on a night in which the Saints' offense could muster only a mere 31 points.

But hey, Detroit was really good back in September. So you've gotta give the defense their props, no? Clearly these guys are harder than a day-old re-fried sopapilla. Any gastrointestinal issues they might give you are your own problem.

So get over it and realize that this is all part of their evil plan. Clearly they're just trolling us for fun, while at the same time luring opposing offenses into a false sense of security. Or something. Then just when they've got us all right where they want us, they do something mindbogglingly awesome.

Like intercepting a pass on 4th down while up by 14 with 2:55 left in the 4th quarter and returning it for -7 yards, resulting in a net 13-yard loss, as opposed to following the usual script and just dropping it. High five, Tracy Porter! Way to get the last laugh. That'll teach 'em to abuse you for the first 57 minutes.

And don't even get me started on all the plays they almost make. Those count too, right? They've been telling us since Sunday night that there were at least 4 or 5 additional potential interceptions that, by golly, somehow just managed to either bounce off of some part of the defender's anatomy, or juuuust barely eluded the defender's grasp by several yards while falling right into the receiver's hands. Damn the luck!

But hey, while they might be a bunch of no-catching motherfuckers, they sure are some almost-catching motherfuckers. So we've got that going for us. Don't believe me, just ask them. Or Pat Yasinkas.

Or just go with what your gut has been telling you all season, that this defense is just hanging on for dear life out there. Because that's the correct answer.

They sure are pretty good though when the opponent repeatedly punches its own self in the groin all day. So we've got that going for us too. Three cheers for the incompetence of the opponent!

You know what this defense needs? Tim Tebow.

He'd fit right in, wouldn't he? "Never mind the other 57 plays, DID YOU SEE WHAT HE JUST PULLED OUT OF HIS ASS??? ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL! KINDA LIKE THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST!"

Make it happen, Loomis!

Meantime, the defense might be just struggling to survive out there these days, but hey, nothing wrong with surviving. Better than the alternative. High five?

Fortunately for them, and us, we just happen to have the world's most buoyant lifejacket on the other side of the ball. Hell, it's really less of a lifejacket and more of a jetpack. With like six fuel tanks, all of which have #wegotthis spray-painted on 'em. Sky's the limit. Hell, as long as you keep your anus pointed in the right direction, whatever flatulence the Pancho's Defense can produce might even actually help.

I mean, hey, 9-3 right? 2 games up on the division (thanks, Julio) with 4 remaining. Pretty much locked into no worse than the 3 seed, with the 2 seed still potentially within reach. Riding a 4 game win streak. Could conceivably clinch the division as soon as this weekend. (Hook a brother up, #RodneyWhite!) And all this despite the Pancho's Defense.

Which is why I'm more confident than ever that, come January, the BCS Championship Game ain't gonna be the only rematch for most of the marbles.

Unfortunately, this one will be in Tuscaloosa Green Bay, as opposed to the… wait for it… Mercedes-Benz Superdome. And the Saints will be playing the role of Alabama.

That'll be the situation going in, at least. Something tells me it'll be a whole different situation coming out.

Because, much like how the unmistakable cone of relative incompetence encircling the area just behind PJ Lonergan's ass has yet to prove sufficiently powerful to crush any of the Tigers' hopes and dreams, it's becoming increasingly evident that not even the odor coming off everybody's favorite Mexican Buffet can overpower the sweet smell of Greatness coming off the Saints offense's very own three, count 'em three, Honey Badgers.

And three might be selling them short. If you're feelin' froggy, you might even go as far as 5 or 6.

I mean, we're talking about a historically great offense here. Which is pretty amazing considering the Saints' quarterback isn't Aaron Rodgers or Tom Brady or Tony Romo or Tim Tebow, and their starting tight end isn't Rob Gronkowski, and not a single one of their wideouts is Wes Welker, and they no longer have Reggie Bush. Shit! How do they do it?

So we here at moosedenied have decided to eschew whining about the HORRORS(!!!) of LSU having to play Alabama again and instead embrace both of the January rematches.

WE WANT GREEN BAY! *clap clap clapclapclap*

And it's also why we've decided to pull for Green Bay from here on out. Because we want them 17-0 going in. Hey, as long as we're shooting for the moon here…

It's not like the Saints are any more likely to beat them at Lambeau in January if they're 16-1 or 15-2. (That is, assuming Sean Payton can make a convincing enough case on ESPN to sway a sufficient plurality of human pollsters to get them into the game.) So fuck it, might as well hang their first loss on 'em when they're 17-0 and are the unanimous #1, right?

And as long as Green Bay remains undefeated, the pressure will only continue to mount. No resting starters in the NFC North Championship Game week 17. The weight of the expectations will be all on their shoulders. Hell, they'll probably be so stressed, Mike McCarthy won't even remember to buy his players motivational novelty baseball bats. Advantage: Saints.

So, yeah, Geaux Packers! As long as the computers and our defense don't bone us, #wegotthis.

RAISE THE FLAG! RAISE THE FLAG! RAISE THE FLAG!

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