Pop quiz, hotshot: How do you know the Saints are a bunch of arrogant assholes?

Because they spent the weekend drafting five dudes whom perpetually-butthurt alleged professional NFL columnist Pete Prisco had never heard of. Which might have been embarrassing for the alleged unclefucker and esteemed fully-credentialed member of the Alleged Legitimate Media™, assuming he actually gives a shit. Fortunately for Pete, all indications are that he doesn't. I suspect he was too busy coming up with incredibly clever quips about eating some steaming hot poutine down in beautiful downtown Ruh-JYE-na. Or something.

It's a shame for Pete that he didn't bother to go to the trouble of boning up on the mid-round guys enough to at least be able to hang in there with your average Message Board Guy. Because if he had put a little elbow grease into his draft prep, even just a little, he wouldn't have missed the golden opportunity to indignantly point out how fitting it was that the Saints would take the guy who GOT KICKED OUT OF AMERICAN COLLEGE FOOTBALL!!! Probably because Hicks was SO GODDAMNED ARROGANT and THOUGHT HE WAS ABOVE THE LAW!!!

I mean, of course the Saints took That Guy. Probably on direct orders from Mr. Arrogant™ himself, in blatant violation of the terms of his well-earned suspension.

Confusing pick though. I always thought that Canada was where you go to avoid the draft. Hiyoooo!

Anyway, I'm sure Pete will take to Twitter and drop a quip or three somewhere along those lines just as soon as he figures out the whole Google thing and discovers Hicks's sordid past.

Pete: Canada doesn't have Google, dumbass. And even if they did, then I'd have to figure out how to translate the page from Canadian to English. And I don't have time for that shit, I'm a journalist!

Meantime, he's pretty sure Hicks blows (he has to, right???) and the Saints blew it big time over the weekend. Probably because Loomis and Payton are so arrogant. But mostly because Pete's never heard of any of these guys. If Loomis weren't such a bastard, he'd have done the smart thing and taken a guy Pete had heard of, like Trent Richardson or Ryan Tannehill. But nooooo. Loomis thinks he's soooo smart, he can afford to take a guy from Canada. CANADA! Or possibly Toronto!

Pete: Ha! What an idiot! Loomis probably doesn't even know that in Canada, "football" means soccer! I'm pretty sure Loomis just used his first pick on a soccer player! Clearly he needs to upgrade his alleged listening device. Also… um… uh… BOUNTY! ARROGANT ALLEGED BOUNTY DEVICE! Derp.


Bless your heart, Pete. Nobody fucks uncles quite like you. (Allegedly.)

Anyway, those of us who had been… you know… actually paying some semblance of attention, knew exactly who Akiem Hicks is. Or at least we knew who he was a couple years ago. We probably never watched any Regina Rams games, but that still puts us about three steps ahead of Pete. Four if you count the fact that we know Sacramento isn't the capital city of Saskatchewan.

Pete: I knew that, asshole. Sacramento is the capital of Alberta. They speak French there. And some Portuguese. They also drive on the wrong side of the road. That's how arrogant they are.

Welp, you win this round, Pete. Legitimate Media™ indeed.

Predictably, (a few weeks ago) Pete reached deep into his own ass and pulled out a grade of "F" for the Saints' 2012 draft class. That's what it was gonna be no matter what, even if Loomis had hatched some nefarious scheme to cheat his way into landing Trent Richardson, Morris Claiborne, Mark Barron, Justin Blackmon and Chandler Jones (because Pete's only familiar with about two of those guys.)

But it's hard to argue against the Saints' 2012 draft class being uninspiring at best. Woefully short on instant gratification, anyway. Which sucks for us, I suppose. Guess we'll just have to wait until a couple of these chumps make the Pro Bowl some media-concocted All Pro list or another before we can go ahead and fap to 'em in good conscience.

Meantime, contrary to Pete's allegedly well-reasoned skepticism regarding the Saints' drafting some kind of crazy poutine-eating soccer guy from Sacramento Alberta who probably can't even read the playbook because he doesn't speak English, Hicks has "The Defense's Answer To Jahri Evans" written all over him. In French. Or possibly Portuguese.

Why? Because I said so. Sign me up, CBS Sports dot com!

As long as he's not arrogant enough to demand that the Saints send Henry Ellard to pick him up from the airport, that is. That's gotta be some kind of violation. Somebody get Kenny Wilkerson and/or Tim Landry on the phone, stat! Where's Myles Brand when you need him?

Mike Mayock, Mike Lombardi and Bill Polian (guys who also pay a shitload more attention than Pete, as evidenced by their actually knowing who Akiem Hicks is) beg to differ with Pete's assessment as well. They loved the pick.

Mayock: I'm just a tiny bit concerned about this kid's stiff ankles. But this kid's other joints? You'd need an Erlenmeyer flask, or some similar containment apparatus, to keep them from flowing all over the damn place. This kid is my kinda kid.

In your face, Pete!

Look, nobody has the slightest fucking clue whether or not Hicks will pan out. At least he filled a need. Which you're not supposed to do. (That is, until you don't. At which point, they're all over you for not addressing the needs they've projected upon you.) You'd have to be one arrogant bastard to draft for need rather than doing it the right way and taking the mythical… all together now… best player available. The problem with that is that nobody ever agrees on who the best player available is either.

All you've gotta do is read a few of those annual "Re-drafting a previous year's first round" articles and note all the mid/late-round guys, including quite a few Saints players, who 3-4 years down the road "shoulda" been drafted in the first round. How come nobody was calling Jahri Evans or Marques Colston or Jimmy Graham or Carl Nicks the "best available player" at the time?

You hear the draft referred to as a "crap shoot" about a thousand times every year leading up to the draft. Then once draft weekend rolls around, all of a sudden it's supposed to be some kind of fucking exact science. If the "best player available" on your board is someone generally assumed to go a round or two later, then either you're wrong and he's not actually the BPA, or it's assumed that you could have just snapped your fingers and traded down to accumulate some free shit while still getting your guy at a better "value." Because "value" is absolute, and there's absolutely no chance whatsoever that you'll end up boning yourself out of your guy because everybody knows he'll still be there. So you take the guy and everybody starts screaming "REACH!!!" Except Pete, who just smirks and yawns and says "Meh, never heard of him. He must suck. Or something. I'll have to Google him one of these days."

It was clearly a "swing for the fences" risk/reward type of pick. And that works just fine for me. This team has been trying to find defensive tackles for a fuckin' decade. At least this time they didn't have to spend multiple picks to trade up in the first round to take yet another shot at it. That in and of itself is reason enough for me to give the pick a grade of… Eh?

Chris Berman: Ha! I see what you did there!

The Saints continued the Canadian theme by taking wideout Nick Toon in the 4th.

Berman: Wait, wait, I think I know where you're going with this. Nick "Saska" Toon, right? Ha! Brilliant!

High five! Now shut the fuck up, Berman. Seriously, I'm beggin' ya.

It took Message Board Guy all of about three seconds to start crying about how wideout wasn't a need. Not that you're supposed to draft for need, because that would be stupid and wrong. Best player available! That is, unless he's a quarterback. Or apparently, a wideout. Or any number of other positions. Not that we're advocating drafting for need though.

After all, clearly Adrian Arrington and Joe Morgan are Pro Bowlers All Pros in waiting. And don't even get me started on Montez Billings and Andy Tanner!

Worse yet, if you feel like you just have to draft a wideout to take Meachem's place, why would you go with a big Colston clone possession receiver instead of a burner to play the Meachem role?

Well, for one thing, this just in: The Saints haven't really been a "vertical" bombs-away type offense for quite a while now. Oh sure, they still take their "shot plays" down the field. They'll never not do that. But recently, more and more of their big yardage plays come on screens and swing passes to Sproles and Pierre, deep middle routes to Graham, and YAC plays. There's always the occasional busted coverage and the occasional flea flicker. But these days, they're more of a traditional "west coast" dink and dunk type offense for the most part, predicated on an incredibly high completion percentage on low-risk passing plays, moving the chains and *gasp* possessing the ball. 15 play drives are up, 1 play drives are down. Time of possession is up. Most of the yardage on "big plays" is more likely to come with the ball already in the receiver's hands rather than when the ball's in the air.

And it's been working pretty well, has it not? Sure, you still want a burner or two on the roster, if only to keep opposing safeties deep and stretch defenses. Devery might not be as fast as he used to be, but it's not like he can't still get down the field. Hell, he led the team in yards per catch in 2011. For that matter, The Great Adrian Arrington ended up tied with Meachem in YPC. And Colston, Graham and even Lance Moore weren't far behind. Gone are the days of the Saints having one or two guys putting up 20+ yards per catch. This offense just doesn't work that way anymore. And all indications are that that's a good thing.

Why wouldn't you want a Colston clone? That's clearly the "type" of wideout that works best in this particular offense. And this offense is plenty "diversified" enough without having to worry about the so-called "redundancy" of having a carbon copy of its best wideout on the roster. Especially considering the degree to which Colston's absence is felt when he misses games, and his presence is felt when he gets back on the field.

(Confession: How do I know I'm an old man? A non-breeding old man at that? Because I only barely get the whole "Nick Toons" gag. And if it weren't for all the hotlinked images, I probably wouldn't get it at all. I quit watching Nickelodeon right around the time Alanis Morrisette took her last green slime dump on You Can't Do That On Television. And I haven't watched cartoons since Bugs Bunny and Tom & Jerry came to the realization that they were jaw-droppingly racist. GET OFF MY LAWN!)

Message Board Guy: But we neeeeeeed defensive backs! And pass rushers! And pretty much any other defensive position! And a tight end!

I found it incredibly amusing over the weekend that after Loomis signed three(!!!) linebackers and a defensive tackle in free agency, and had just drafted another defensive tackle, Message Board Guy was still trying to "transform the defense." On day 3. With late-round rookies. Great plan! Good luck with aaaall that.

Look, I'd have liked for the Saints to have drafted Ron Brooks too. I'd have supported that wholeheartedly. But rookie corners are only good for two things: riding the pine and being set on fire by opposing wideouts. The Saints may be thin at the position right about now, but a day 3 rookie isn't likely to solve that. That's like trying to "solve" The Drew Issue by drafting Jordan Jefferson.

I just don't see any point in trying to "fill a hole" with a guy you're hoping and praying will never see the field.

Don't get me wrong, I'm quite familiar with the benefit of having "depth." But does a day 3 rookie corner really qualify as bona fide depth? Can you really say you've got depth when you know without a doubt that you're straight fucked if that "depth" has to actually line up in a real game? Do Chase Daniel(s) and Sean Canfield make the Saints "deep" at quarterback? Would Kellen Moore have made them deeper?

Sure, it's great to have developmental guys at the bottom of your depth chart. If you only have 3 bona fide NFL corners on the roster right at the moment, give me a late-round rookie over, oh, let's say Jason David. I get it. But there's a big difference between that and "The Saints need to draft 2 or 3 corners in case Greer and Robinson go down this fall." Ron Brooks or Josh Norman or Brandon Boykin wouldn't have been any better a solution to that problem than Cord Parks or Josh Victorian or Kamaal McIlwain would be. Not in the short term, anyway.

Pete Prisco: I have no idea who any of those guys are.

But hey, they went ahead and gave it a shot anyway by taking a defensive back in the fifth. Corey White, CB/S, Samford.

Pete: You dumb bastard. It's STANFORD.

No, Pete. No it's not. It's SAMFORD.

Pete: Oh great. Another fucking Canadian. ARROGANCE! Anyway, never heard of him. Must be a chump. Shoulda taken that Maurice Claiborne dude.

Duly noted, Pete. Way to be all over it.

On the other hand, I'm not gonna sit here and try to tell you I had any fucking clue who this guy is either. All I know is that we here at moosedenied will be referring to him as "Kaare" henceforth.

Pete: That's how they spell "Corey" in Canada.

Something like that, Pete. Something like that.

Any number of semi-closeted bigots at Saintsreport: Welp, at least we got ourselves a White guy. High five!

Anyway, the Saints took off to the Great White North yet again (close enough, anyway) in the 6th round and took an offensive lineman from Syracuse. It is, after all, a beauty way to go. (As long as Tiller's jersey doesn't ride up over his gut, that is.)

Pete: Hmmmmm. Wisconsin, Syracuse… One has to wonder what kind of crazy shenanigans Loomis must have gotten himself involved in this time. Because clearly he got turned away at the border for some reason. TWICE!!! And in his arrogance, he just figured "Fuck it. I'll just settle for one of these local guys." But the real question here is WHY HAS MICKEY LOOMIS BEEN BANNED FROM CANADA?!? Clearly they know something we don't. Yet. I'm about to investigate the shit out of this! To the Googles!

Yeah. You do that, Pete. I'm sure you'll be getting to the bottom of it in short order.

And they wrapped it up with another offensive lineman in the 7th. This one slightly less morbidly obese, and out of Nebraska.


Please do the latter, Pete. But not before licking my balls.

Ordinarily I'd object to late round picks who aren't likely to contribute on special teams. Hell, ordinarily I'd be thinking special teams around the third round.

But if there's one thing I've learned over the last six years, it's to never question the Saints on a mid/late-round offensive line pick. The only question is which one of 'em is gonna be appearing on all the "re-drafting the 2012 first round" articles in a couple years. (Hopefully CBS Sports dot com will make Pete write one.) My money's on Tiller, if only because the Saints took him with "The Reggie Pick" and that eventual discussion promises to be big fun.

Excruciatingly pointless, but fun nonetheless. Kinda like watching Pete struggle to maintain the illusion that he has the slightest fucking clue what he's babbling about.

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