The forecast calls for sunny skies, Artemis feels like a Kolb salad, and the Saints’ very own Day Man will be under center Sunday afternoon. Yes sir, sounds to me like the makings of a long, tall weekend. Perfect time to go America all over everybody’s ass. Gonna rise up, gonna kick a little ass, gonna kick some ass in the USA. Gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna fly on an eagle. ROCK, FLAG AND EAGLE! Bitches!
Fabulous Jeff is back, just in time to reprise the role of the Night Man. Talk about perfect casting, eh? Gives a whole new meaning to the City of Brotherly Love. Unfortunately for Jeff, Kolb salads traditionally aren’t tossed. Shoulda thought of that before paying the troll toll. Oh, I could go on and on for hours, but I don’t wanna bogart all the references/punch lines. Feel free to add your own in the comments.
Both teams go into the game not really knowing how much stock to put into blowout victories in week 1. I’m sure nobody (myself included) is willing to lay money on it just yet, but there’s every chance that Detroit could end up being better than Carolina by the time it’s all said and done. Just sayin’.
But it sure looked pretty. The Eagles’ defensive stats are downright gaudy. Total yards allowed: 169, first in the league. Net passing yards allowed: 83, second in the league. Points allowed: 10, fifth in the league. Takeaways: 7. It’s even more impressive if you haven’t yet stuck your own personal fork into Jake Delhomme. Fortunately for me, I have.
On the other hand, the only defense in the league that’s given up fewer net passing yards? Well, that’d be Carolina. The Eagles only had 82 of ‘em last week, and that was with McNabb for three quarters. Oof.
Oh sure, Eagles fans will tell you that’s only because they were on a short field all afternoon, and that’s true. But that doesn’t change the fact that McNabb and Kolb combined for a whopping 17 of 29 for 3.5 yards per pass play. Their leading receiver was some guy named Brent Celek with 37 receiving yards, for crying out loud. Kevin Curtis? 2 for 26. Jason Avant? 1 for 18. DeSean Jackson? 2 for 9. Jeremy Maclin? 0 for 0.
Scoring 38 points on Carolina is as impressive as giving up 27 to Detroit… well, isn’t. And they’re equally misleading. Philadelphia scored a touchdown on a punt return and another on a fumble return.
Then again, so did Detroit. (We’re going with "close enough" on Aaron Brown’s 87 yard kickoff return.) Something tells me the Saints won’t be able to get away with it this time, if they allow both the Eagles and themselves to repeat that performance. So… yeah… there’s that.
Here’s hoping Reggie and Mike Bell abridge the football’s liberty a little better this week. Eh? Eh? See what I did there with the Liberty Bell reference? Does it make you want to shove a screwdriver in your eye? Yeah, just wait until you hear some variation on it about 400 more times this weekend. Chris Berman alone will account for about 150 of ‘em. You might want to take the necessary precautions.
But I doubt that the Eagles offense will have the short field excuse to work with this week. Not bloody likely against Drew Brees: Champion of the Sun. Master of Karate and Friendship.
On the other hand, Mike Bell and Reggie Bush (and maybe Pierre Thomas, maybe) aren’t exactly DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart. And Brian Westbrook and LeSean McCoy aren’t exactly Kevin Smith and Aaron Brown either. Good thing Charles Grant was acquitted on a technicality and is such a beast against the run, right? Right? Uh… or something.
Something tells me that the Saints aren’t gonna put up 157 rushing yards this week. Nor will they hold the Eagles to 33 rushing yards. If the Saints don’t watch out, those numbers could completely flip this week. Which would suck.
Meantime, the Eagles put right tackle Shawn Andrews on injured reserve this week. High five! Over/under on Charles Grant sacks is hereby set at… zero. (Over/under on Jeff Charleston sacks, however….)
And free safety Quintin Demps didn’t practice Wednesday with a hammy. That dripping sound you hear is Devery drooling.
In theory, the deck is stacked pretty hard against Philadelphia this weekend, despite being at home. Losing this game would be a huge bringdown, in my opinion.
And even if the Saints win it, I’m afraid it still won’t prove anything to a significant subset of the Saints’ fanbase.
The good news? Fuck them. No amount of postgame bitching and moaning will change 2-0, 2-0 vs. the NFC and a win against a team everybody expects to be right there in the mix come Christmas.
Have you read anything more ridiculous this week than Message Board Guy’s wishing that McNabb plays, so that the Saints will be tested, and if they win, it’ll be against a "full strength" opponent?
Yeah, because that’s sure to make all the difference when they tally up the records at the end of the season. Why don’t you shove your bravado up your ass, Message Board Guy?
Give me nineteen wins against teams who have actually given serious consideration to giving Aaron Brooks a call in the week leading up to facing the Saints, and I promise I’ll keep my mouth shut afterwards and let you bitch about how the Saints "didn’t really deserve it and just got really lucky" to your heart’s fucking content. Deal? That work for ya, champ?
Prediction: Day Man 35, Night Man 21
Demps isn’t their starting FS. Rookie fifth rounder Macho Harris is. But Third Down Devery can at least salivate a little anyway.
Bah.
I want a banged up cant move fast, cant throw the ball with any authority, broken rib, McNabb to start…. maybe.
I will live with a Kolb starting cause I think the result will be somewhat the same.
Our D should.. repeat SHOULD terrorize either of them.
Why do some people think that we need to PROVE things? The only thing I want to see proved is that a Saints team can win more games then any other NFC team. Dont care how or against who… just win em!
There are no style points in professional football. Unlike college football, championships are decided on the field alone. Not with some stupid computer, not with biased coaches and sportswriters, just play on the field.
Winning on a fluke play at the last second like the Broncos did or taking advantage of an injured team still results in a W. So, bitch about testing and this and that, but give me the W.
Interesting to note is that if we don’t go in there and abuse Kolb, then we likely aren’t the contenders we thought we were. If you can’t go and take a team without its starting QB, then there are going to be some serious questions.
Of course we all know what everyone thought when Mr. Dreamboat was taking over for the season. Look how that turned out.
Nice job as always, MT.
And Kippah, please stick around and post more.
And whoever it is who’s been sending me occasional emails through the contact form under the name “Vince Marinello” is cracking my ass up.
I love the it’s always sunny references. One of the greatest shows ever made.
Is this some kind of performance art? I feel like many sportscasters are on the Philly bandwagon and I can’t figure out why – they have a young and brash DeSean who, while fast, makes boneheaded plays, a dude named Celek from god knows where (seriously, who?), and they decided after the final preseason game to keep “Macho” on and then START him. Top it off with a supersensitive and injury-prone quarterback. That doesn’t seem like a recipe for championship.
Like I told one of my students this week – after Sunday we will see who the better man is. It’s already me because I am a Saints’ fan.
Nice article. Only thing I’ll add is that Charles Grant has a good chance to lay a big, fat goose egg for the season in the sack department if he keeps going out and McCray keeps coming in for him on the obvious passing situations.
Also, the “full strength” opponent argument couldn’t be a bigger pile of bullshit. I’m willing to bet there’s not a single team, even in just week 2, that’s at full strength. We were lacking Usama Young and Roby (granted he wasn’t hurt, just had been cut) which really hurt our special teams game. I’m not saying either of those guys is as important as Brees, but it’s the NFL. People are always out or playing at less than 100% with injuries. I’m certainly not putting an asterisk behind this game if we beat em without McNabb.
I don’t think Jake is going to do as well without me up in there.
Just sayin.