Joyeux Mardi Gras, les chiennes!

Not that he wants to be a huge downer or anything, but Jeff Duncan would like to go ahead and remind you that Drew Brees remains unsigned. Hey, don't get Jeff wrong, it's not like there's anything to be worried about. He's just sayin'… remain calm, but you might wanna go ahead and panic anyway. All the cool kids are doing it. Because clearly something's rotten in Denmark here. Oh sure, engineering what's likely to be the single richest contract in league history is… well, it can be a little complicated. It's just not supposed to be this complicated, for some reason. I guess. Or something. I mean, shit! Manning and Brady have already set the market, and nobody involved even wants to contemplate a breakup. Obviously there must be something worrisome going on behind the scenes, or it would already have gotten done, right? Not that you should worry or anything, because everything's cool. Except the stuff that's clearly not. Jeff's not sure what that stuff might be, but clearly it exists. We here at moosedenied are pretty sure we've figured out precisely what it is…

Mickey Loomis is trolling us. Again.

Why? Because he can. Because it's incredibly easy to do, and I'm sure it's incredibly amusing as well.

I mean, have we still not figured this out? How many more times is he gonna have to sit back and wait for us all to completely lose our shit, then right the last minute, go ahead and press the send button on the fax machine? "Yeah, how ya like the 'bean counter' now, bitches? Say, anybody know what Randy Mueller's been up to lately?"

Not that I think Mickey holds a decade-long grudge against us and wants to cause us gratuitous heartache and stress… not exactly, anyway. But if I were in Mickey's shoes, you're damn right I'd still be carrying a bit of a chip on my shoulder. And when you've got thousands of onlookers — even now, after everything —  trumpeting your genius one week, then calling you an idiot and demanding(!!!) your dismissal the next, wouldn't you indulge yourself and seize any opportunity to fuck with 'em a little bit?

Call it "a flair for the dramatic" if that works better for ya. For such a powerful guy who carries himself as low-key as Mickey does, it must be one hell of a lot of fun to go all "Wait for it… wait for it… no, seriously, #igotthis… trust me… Scared yet?… What, you don't believe me?… Boom. There ya go. You're welcome." with it. Perhaps Mickey's not nearly the asshole I am, but I'd decline no opportunity to do that.

It's a shame though that Mickey and Drew didn't think to orchestrate this thing for what could have been a singularly "epic" (that's what the kids are saying these days, right?) scene. They should have done it today.

Dig if you will the picture… it's Mardi Gras. The whole damn city, and then some, are out on the streets and totally preoccupied with other (kickass) things. They're well-lubed, and already in one hell of a celebratory frame of mind anyway. Everybody's got their smartphones and whatnot, but very few are looking at a tee vee or Saints message boards or anything like that. Somewhere around 9 or 10am, Mickey presses the send button on the fax machine with a super duper low-key, matter-of-fact: "Happy Mardi Gras, everybody. Oh by the way, just FYI, Drew signed. Have a nice day."

Can you even imagine? Little by little, word spreads through the streets. Tweets circulate. Little pockets of people break out into Who Dat chants here and there. Eventually, Angela Hill drops the parade coverage for a second to break the news on WWL. People start shouting the news from various balconies and whatnot. Over the next hour or so, it builds to a crescendo, and before you know it, it's goddamn Lombardi Gras all over again. Would it not have been glorious?

It'd have been one hell of an example of incredibly effective 21st century "Social Media Marketing" while at the same time kicking it old-school with good old fashioned word-of-mouth. It would have been quintessentially NOLA. The old and the new coming together to throw a little lagniappe into the pot and amp up the volume on the already-in-progress massive fuckin' citywide party. You know… just because, why not? Might as well.

And you just know it's the kind of thing that both Mickey and Drew would totally have gotten off on, no? Hell, the whole thing could have been brought to you by Mercedes-Benz and Jimmy Johns. Or something.

But noooooo. Which begs the question, why not? Surely we're not to believe that the thought just never occurred to them. These aren't the kind of guys who just let a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity pass uncapitalized-upon. So what choice do we have but to conclude that Duncan must be right, and that just below the surface there's a bunch of fucked up shit going on?

Not that there's anything to be worried about, mind you. Except, well, that.

Seriously though. Remain calm, people. Might wanna keep a case of Depends™ close by though. You know, just in case this thing drags out another few days or so. Hey, better safe than sorry.

Meantime, don't worry about it. It'll get done. Unless it doesn't. Which ought to be freaking you right the fuck out right about now. Or not. But maybe.

Oh, I'm sure they'll sort it all out for us in the next Video Mailbag at nola dot com. Unless they've discontinued those in favor of these state-of-the-art message board threads "Saints Chat" sessions they've got going on here lately.

But what if Duncan and Varney say keep cool and Triplett and Spain say the time has come to PANIC?!?!? Shit!

I mean, sure, they could try to wake Finney up to break the tie, but all he's gonna say is that "we'll just have to wait and see" what Vic Schwenk has up his sleeve. (Tagging Drew and then trading him to Washington, no doubt. High five?)


Until then, please rest assured that Mickey Loomis is just trolling you. That's just what he does. Bon temps.

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