Anthony Thomas makes his triumphant return to the Superdome Friday night as the Fightin’ Dick Jaurons leave balmy, 81-degree Rochester for 141-degree New Orleans for sixty minutes of pushing and shoving against our Saints.

You may remember A-Train blowing the roof off the Dome back in 2005 to the tune of 43 carries for 92 yards. Good times. Against who, you ask? Well, uh, the league. Were you thinking that was just one super-inefficient single-game performance? Yeah, no. See, that was the whole season. Like I said, good times.

Aaron Brooks, Todd Bouman, Anto-wayne Smith, Nate Poole, Nate Lawrie, Shad Meier, Jonathan Sullivan, Colby Bockwoldt, Fred Booker. Sideeq Shabazz!!! How in the blue hell did the Saints not win it all that year?

Don’t answer that.

Earlier today, moosedenied was able to catch up with former Bill and former Saint Courtney Watson to get his take:

moosedenied: Hi Courtney. Say, how does it feel to be ranked #2 on moosedenied’s Giant List Of Jim Haslett Draft Picks Who Turned Out To Be Huge Fuckwads?

Watson: Shut up, bitch.

Indeed.

That loud splat you heard earlier this week was a couple million Saints fans all shitting their pants at once as Jammal Brown was thought to have punched a one-way ticket to Gimp City. (And, no, by “a one-way ticket to Gimp City” I do not mean “his wife.” Not this time anyway.)

Fortunately, it was later diagnosed to be merely a bone bruise, and not the kind you have after a long, long weekend in Thailand. That strong wind you felt was a couple million Saints fans all exhaling at once after several hours of holding their collective breath.

Injury seems to be the theme coming from Jackson this week, as yesterday Coach Payton surprised the troops with a probably-not-quite-as-gay-as-it-sounds field trip to a local water park. Oh I’m sure it was refreshing, but there’s just something about a bunch of grown men in swim trunks and flip flops waiting in line for a water slide and frolicking about in a wave pool without having been badgered into it by their kids. I’m just saying.

At any rate, the Asian Assassin and Billy Miller barely survived the excursion.

Miller suffered a cut on his forehead which the team insists was not the result of having been popped upside the head by the old lady at the lemonade stand for complaining about the seeds at the bottom of the cup.

Scotty Badass bruised a heel, probably upside the head of “that kid” who thinks he’s got ten minutes to get the fuck out of the way when he hits the bottom of the water slide. For some reason, as I type that, I’m visualizing it happening in slow motion with Helter Skelter playing. Is that wrong?

See, this is why you don’t go to water parks. Not only are they a prime backdrop for internet-based jackassery at your expense, they’re a fucking minefield of potential misfortune. At least they apparently all waited thirty minutes after eating to go back into the water. Dan Dalrymple don’t play that shit, homes.

Apparently yesterday’s excursion instilled in Dulymus a seething hatred of children. Because he’s inviting ten sick ones to spend several hours in triple-digit heat today. Damn, Dulymus. That’s downright evil.

Which brings us to tomorrow night’s workout vs. the Wild Wings. Here’s what we’ll be watching for and taking note of:

The Fact That Half Of Buffalo’s Roster Consists Of LSU Boys
Why is it that it seems like 9 out of every 10 LSU players end up in either Buffalo or Foxboro, MA? My guess is so that they can get as far away from the South Louisiana heat as humanly possible, without having to resort to going to Canada. Actually, currently it’s just Robert Royal, Josh Reed and Kyle Williams. (And Craig Nall, kinda.) But it seems like about 40 guys, right? Right? Just me then? Alright fine. Still, it’s obvious that the Patriots’ Scott Pioli and whoever’s running the Bills’ front office this week are blatant LSU… wait for it… HOMERS!!!!! Oh and there’s also some dude named Losman who we hear went to Newcomb College.

Buffalo Tight End Fullback Brad Cieslak
Dude’s a beast, and the Saints need to look into acquiring this guy. Why? Because I post on what the self-aware refer to as a fringe message board on a kick-ass Cubs blog alongside Brad’s brother Andy, who is a cool cat who entertains the shit out of me. Yeah, that’s right. I just name-dropped a second-string fullback’s brother who I “know” from the internets. Am I a fucking VIP or what?

Bitchin’ Names That are Fun To Say, Or Hear Said
The Bills are rollin’ with CJ Ah You, Old Kiwaukee Thomas and Ashton “Sheik” Youboty. Frank Zappa would be proud. Unfortunately Josh Scobey will apparently be munching on Scobey Snacks from the comfort of his couch rather than making the trip. They’ve also got a guy named Thaddaeus.

Paul Posluszny
Otherwise known as “That Guy The Saints Maybe Should Have Taken Instead Of Meachem.” Oh I’m not giving up on Meachem anytime soon. What choice do I have? But the Butkus Award Winner from the Springfield A&M Nittany Tide would look awfully good in the middle of the Saints defense right about now, where Brian Simmons doesn’t seem to be getting any closer to breaking up the Cracker Ass CrackerBackers. Sure, Poz would have put the ole kibbosh on my perma-chubby over Ass-Kicking James Fucking Laurinaitis, but I’d have gotten over it eventually. Instead the Saints are going to be the #1 offense in the whole damned league once again while Meachem pulls splinters out of his ass, and I’ll still be chewing my fingernails off in the fourth quarter even after the Saints have put up 30-something. Yay?

It’s been four days since that abomination in Canton, and I’m proud to say that repeating to myself “It don’t mean shit” over and over has been working like a champ. The Cake of Tremendous Power has just been shoved into the oven. Hopefully the Saints won’t play like a pan of warm batter tomorrow night.