Well, Ed Daniels has finally accomplished the impossible: he has actually managed to out-claptrap Pete Finney. Guh. Great work there, Ed. Not an easy feat, to be sure.

Evidently, Ed’s worried that the innards of Saints fans might be at an immeasurable fever pitch, and our gushing euphoria might ooze out all over his winter stash of acorns.

I checked WebMD, and it seems Ed’s right. They advise that this condition be treated with heavy doses of condescension.

Now, in Ed’s defense, this is 21st Century America, and I suppose these days you can’t assume that your readers are able to figure out the difference between fact and opinion on their own. But we’ve been reading Ed long enough to know that what this is really about is a "realist" doing what "realists" do: constantly piss all over everyone else’s good time remind us all as a public service that IT’S ALL GONNA GO TO SHIT SOONER OR LATER!!!! You know, for our own good. You’ll never be disappointed if you just stay miserable all the time.

See, I always thought that I hated the month of August because of the oppressive heat and humidity. But it never occurred to me that August might be a BIG FAT LIAR! Just like douchebag message board "insiders." No wonder I’ve always hated August’s guts. What a fool I’ve been. I’ll never trust another word August says.

Now, if you’re anything like me, it’s awful tough to find the "content" at NewOrleans dot com amid the sea of ads before the seizures set in. So I’m gonna go ahead and assume that you won’t actually be clicking the link over to Ed’s steaming pile of wisdom. Fortunately for you, I’m willing to make that sacrifice and quote the relevant "content" for you. Hey, I give. It’s what I do.

Ed: In the past few days, I have heard that Saints wide receiver Devery Henderson is having a bad camp. That the Saints secondary is much improved. And of course that defensive coordinator Gregg Williams would fashion a quick turnaround of one of the leakiest defensive units in the league.

All the above may be true.

But I caution. Do not make a big deal about what you hear about at practices.

Or in other words, camp observations may not turn out to be portents of future success, they could just as easily be red herrings. And we won’t know for sure until we know for sure. Gee, ya think? No shit?

And projections/predictions are opinions, not facts, and are always tainted by emotion, and often turn out to be way off the mark? Crystal balls don’t actually work? Son of a bitch! Why was I not informed of this sooner? Like 30 years ago! Stupid St. John The Baptist Parish public school system.

But hey, thanks for the "caution." Assuming for a second that I needed to be cautioned, what exactly am I being cautioned against? Exuberance (irrational or otherwise?) Hopes and dreams? A moment’s joy? Yeah, because those things blow.

I’m sure Ed has the best of intentions though. "Realists" usually do. What they’re heroically trying to protect us from is the (inevitable, in the realist’s mind) crash and burn that’ll have us all crying and punching shit and posting inane rants on message boards soon enough. Just a matter of time, so might as well go ahead and start moping now. Hope just fucks you over, because it’ll always get its ass kicked eventually by disappointment.

Good thing Ed cares enough to hip us to that. You know, for our own good and all. We’re fucking Saints fans, for crying out loud. What would we know about false hope and eventual disappointment?

Ed: To make my point I went back and checked out some reports and quotes from previous camps?

I’m pretty sure the question mark is intended to convey incredulity that Ed would actually go to the trouble. It’s a stretch, but it’s the only thing I can think of that makes a lick of sense.

Anyway, Ed went on to pull a couple examples out of his ass of comments (by others, of course) from last year’s camp that, while not necessarily untrue, seem to have been contradicted by last year’s eventual results. You know, to make his point. Whatever that might be.

I can only assume that Ed searched high and low through his own archives for things he might have said himself during previous camps that didn’t quite turn out like he thought they would, but by golly just couldn’t find any examples of himself being wrong.

Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington: Well, unfortunately right now I don’t happen to have that here handy.

Then after having just cautioned us to BELIEVE NOTHING coming out of camp, Ed proceeds to give us a few of his own observations.

Ed: In the meantime, here’s what I have seen in less than a week at camp: the Saints secondary is better. Cornerback Jabari Greer is not a great player, but he is solid, and solid is welcomed in the Saints porous pass defense.

Solid? Actually, Greer is about 70% water, Ed. He’s really more a big bag of liquid than anything. But "solid"… well… that’s some damn fine analysis there. Does he have "fluid hips" too? Is he "strong at the point of attack?" Does he have "the heart of a champion?" Is he "poised for a breakout season?" We’re just dying for you to elaborate on that, Ed.

Then again, you just got finished lecturing us about how we shouldn’t give a shit. Or does that just apply to everyone else’s observations?

Ed: If Pierre Thomas gets hurt, the Saints run game will suffer greatly. Reggie Bush is most effective when in space. Mike Bell, Lynell Hamilton, and two rookie free agents Herb Donaldson, and P.J. Hill appear to have skills. But, if Thomas goes down, the dropoff is severe.

SAY WHAT?!? Reggie Bush is "most effective when in space?" Holy shit, who knew? See, it’s this kind of stuff you can’t just get anywhere. Is that coming straight from a high-ranking official within the Saints organization?

And everybody else on the tailback depth chart "has skills?" No shit? So that’s why they got NFL contracts. But BEWARE!!!! Guys who are lower on the depth chart tend to be crappier than guys who are ahead of them on the depth chart. Well that sucks. Who can we email to get that rule changed?

Oh wait, we’re not supposed to give a shit. After all, it’s August.

Ed: I have not been impressed with the work of backup quarterbacks Mark Brunell and Joey Harrington. The Saints have missed the boat by not spending a draft pick on a young quarterback they could develop.

You can judge for yourself when the pair get plenty of work in the preseason.

But if they had drafted a quarterback, you’d have bitched and moaned that they "wasted" the pick on offense, and on a guy who wouldn’t see the damn field for the Saints until 2014, if ever, while NEGLECTING THE DEFENSE(!!!) yet again. It would have been all "Sean Payton only cares about the offense!" and other such nonsense.

And Joey Harrington sucks? Really? The hell you say. Now you’re just fucking with me. I refuse to believe it. After all, you wrote it in August. And I don’t believe jack shit coming out of August. August is a big fat liar. Tell me Joey Harrington sucks in a different month and then I might believe it. Might.

Ed: Here’s what you should look for in preseason: one, a rookie who emerges.

Wait, let me guess. Morstead, right? Now that’s what I call a bold prediction. Too bad it’s completely meaningless because it’s August. But yeah, I’m gonna go ahead and also predict that the guy they traded up in the draft to get will beat out the journeyman they brought in off the street in desperation midway through last season. Shocking, I know. Especially since they already fucked it up once just last year with Mehlhaff vs. Gramatica and are totally in "This cannot happen again, for the sake of our own asses" mode.

Which isn’t to take anything away from Morstead. I’m sure he "has skills." Totally "solid."

Shit. Is it still August? Still?

Ed: Remember Pierre Thomas?

You know, I think I do remember that guy. Wasn’t he some kind of training camp beast a couple years ago, who lots of camp observers were raising their left eyebrows over? As I recall, he washed out and was released, and the aforementioned observers had egg on their faces because they failed to realize that AUGUST LIES(!!!)? Something like that, right?

That guy?

What’s he doing these days?

Ed: An injury to a key player can wreck a season.

Again, I’m gonna have to go ahead and admit that I find this revelation both informative and SHOCKING. It’s no wonder they’ve yet to drop the "legitimate" from "legitimate media." Where else are you gonna go to get this kind of hard-hitting insight?

Question: If the injury happens in August, does it count?

Ed: As for the rest of what you hear or see in camp, keep it in perspective.

It’s August.

Thankfully September is right around the corner.

Now you’re telling me September comes after August? What the fuck? Again, I have to say I’m suspicious of this newly-revealed "information." Why, just a few days ago, TheRealJShock tweeted that, in his opinion, it’s actually March that comes after August. Now who am I supposed to believe?

Because Shockey’s pretty credible.

Especially on Twitter.

And considering the steaming pile which is the rest of Ed’s piece, I’m thinking "Bring on March!"