A long, long, long, long time ago, back before 99% of the American population just up and decided it was much cooler to spell "grey" the hip European wey, there was Erin Gray (with an A, jackass, you’re not from Vienna, you’re from Kentucky for crying out loud.) Otherwise known as Wilma Deering. I’ll pause for a second while you take in the pic, and maybe do a quick Google Image Search.

Now that we red-blooded American male Saints fans have been doomed to at least one (probably several) years of tired-ass, not-clever, not-funny, broken-record Wilma references spewing forth incessantly from the ever-expanding jowls of Chris Berman, I just figured I’d provide an alternative object of those references on which your mind can land for those brief moments. One that is far more pleasant than that chick from the vitamins. You’re welcome.

Leave it to internet Saints fans to respond to the news of the Saints finally acquiring a legitimate stud at middle linebacker by frantically grasping at straws for reasons to continue to bitch and moan. And really, what other reaction could have reasonably been expected? If you expected anything else, clearly you don’t pay close enough attention to the message boards. You magnificent bastard! Teach me how to do that, please, I beg you.

The good news is that I’ve yet to see his name inexplicably pluralized for no fathomable reason whatsoever. Progress, baby! I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before someone drops a "Vilmas" on us, but we take what we can get, and as far as I know it hasn’t happened yet. So we’ve got that going for us, and that’s nice. (On the other hand, we have witnessed a "Velma" or two.)

The bad news is that the Saints didn’t follow that up with signings of Asante Samuel(s), Lance Briggs(es), Jim Brown(s), Jerry Rice(s) and Ronnie Lott(s). So apparently we’re all DOOMED to another ten years of cellar-dwelling.

Worse yet, Loomis has committed the cardinal sin of wasting valuable time re-signing our own role players rather than doing "what good GMs do" and bringing in equally-meh role players who used to play for other teams. See, because signing your own guys is just running in place. Can’t get any better that way. That’s "not doing anything." You’re supposed to REPLACE guys, Loomis! A bunch of ‘em! That’s "progress." Don’t you know that guys who have never played for the Saints are ALWAYS better than those who have? It’s not rocket science, sheesh.

Apparently, in the minds of many Saints fans, Vilma is clearly all they’re gonna do. It’s just a foregone conclusion. Vilma is it. And Vilma is not good enough to be the "marquee acquisition." Same old Saints. They’re cheap! They’re not really trying! They expect us to believe that Vilma is enough, when we all know that this team is terrible, and in order to contend, we need to add about 15 pro bowlers! But noooooo. Get ready for 3-13 because all they’ve done in the first 48 hours of free agency is bring in a former rookie of the year and pro bowler who is in the prime of his career at a defensive position that has arguably been our biggest position of need for years. Those bastards!

Bullshit.

The obnoxiously-whiny fatalism of internet Saints fans just never ceases to amaze. If you didn’t know any better, you’d swear this team went 3-13 last year.

This just in: They didn’t.

For those who need to be reminded, this is a good fucking team. I know we were all disappointed with 7-9 last year, and there’s nothing unreasonable about that disappointment. We were all expecting better, and with good reason. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting the front office to do everything humanly possible to upgrade at every opportunity. We all want that. And there’s no other description than "fucking ridiculous" for thinking for even a second that Mickey Loomis and Sean Payton don’t feel the same way.

And see, as I type this, word comes across that the Saints signed Randall Gay. Reaction? But we need TWO starting corners, and we just gave $4.5MM for a nickel back (OMG WE OVERPAID!!!!!) and you can damn well bet that the position is now considered "addressed" by the front office. What a bunch of incompetent jerks!!!!

FUCK! Seriously, if you think that way, consider suicide. And then act upon that consideration post haste. Please. Do it for the children. You’ll feel better, I’ll feel better, everybody wins.

Look, this team was 7-9 last year and missed the playoffs by one stinkin’ game.

Week 5 vs. Carolina: Olindo Mare gets a 20-yard field goal blocked and misses the game-winning field goal in the 4th quarter. Drew throws 2 INTs.

Week 10 vs. St. Louis: Again Drew throws 2 INTs, Jason David makes Torry Holt look like Flipper Anderson, and Josh Bullocks fails to secure not one but TWO onside kicks that landed right in his fucking chest. The Saints lose by 8 to an 0-8 team.

And lest we forget week 13 vs. Tampa. The reverse.

By all rights, the Saints "should have" won all three of those games. Win all three and they’re 10-6, NFC South Champions and headed to the playoffs, just like in 2006 when we all were over the moon about the Saints’ present and future.

Even if you want to discount the St. Louis game, where the Saints seemed to be sleepwalking the whole damned game, the other two are pretty cut and dry. Both of those clearly were defeats snatched from the hands of victory. Win both of those, as they inarguably should have, and you’re 9-7, still NFC South Champions, and still headed to the playoffs.

Look, my point isn’t that the Saints don’t need to improve. Of course they do. The need to improve is perpetual. The point is that the Saints didn’t suck last year, and they don’t suck now.

Okay, fine, the defense sucked. No argument there. And you might be surprised to find out that… THE SAINTS HAVE ACQUIRED A PRO BOWL MIDDLE LINEBACKER AND A CORNER OVER THE LAST COUPLE DAYS. And maybe I’m just one of those fools who prefer to wait and see through my rose-colored glasses rather than rushing to be the first to "call it" ("it" being some sort of miserable outcome) but my money’s on them not being done just yet.

And in the meantime, the 2007 Saints were a handful of plays from being right where they were in 2006. This despite losing Dulymus early, losing Reggie late, losing McKenzie late (whose presence surely would have impacted what turned out to be an 8-point loss to Chicago in week 17), Drew inexplicably having his head up his ass for the first month, and possibly the single shittiest season-long performance by any cornerback in NFL history.

With the possible exception of "the David problem", these are all self-correcting issues. They do not require replacing personnel. They only require better performance out of the current personnel, and maybe a little better luck.

And I suppose that even the David problem stands some chance of self-correcting. I’d prefer they not count on that, but guess what? Apparently they’re not necessarily counting on that. I’m sure Randall Gay and who knows who else will have every opportunity to solve that problem by giving Coach Payton an alternative that allows him to chain David’s ass to the bench.

So I implore you, Message Board Guy, get a fucking grip. Try an ounce of perspective.

Because if you’re bitching and moaning, less than 72 hours into free agency, despite the Saints having brought in the first of what promises to be several alternatives to the single weakest link on last year’s team (David), having summarily dumped the second weakest link on the team (Mare), and having replaced the third weakest link on the team (Simoneau) with a 27-year old former rookie of the year and pro bowler who probably instantly becomes the Saints’ best linebacker since the Dome Patrol, with WEEKS left in free agency and a little thing called the draft still to come….

…you might just be a douchebag.