We interrupt your regularly-scheduled Saints-themed jackassery for the following announcement:

Richie Incognito is a punk. A fat, sadistic, worthless piece of shit. Just a miserable excuse for a human being. A disgrace to his species. A complete waste of skin. He is the very embodiment of everything that's disgusting and repulsive about sociopathic big dumb meathead jock "culture." In case I'm not being clear here… Fuck. This. Guy. Fuck him, fuck everything about him, fuck everybody like him, and fuck anybody who's idiot enough to defend him. There is no gray area with this shitbag. There is no nuance to this situation. No room for a devil's advocate or "yeah, but…" arguments or "agreeing to disagree" or downplaying the severity of the issues here. Assholes like this guy are just the absolute worst. He's not a "man." He's an abusive junior-high goon who never grew up.

There has to be a special place in hell for people who take pleasure in tormenting and terrorizing other people for shits and giggles. There just has to be.

Fortunately for the last lingering remnants of my faith in humanity, it seems that most people's visceral reaction to this situation has been the correct one. The obvious one. The civilized one. (Well, except for the other meathead assholes in the Dolphins' locker room, that is.)

Unfortunately, the lunatic fringe is ever-present and will inevitably concoct a way to rationalize just about anything, no matter how heinous. And by most indications for far, that's especially true in football. Let's mock the shit out of these inane, meathead "counterarguments" one by one, in no particular order:

"Boys will be boys. Rookie hazing is a longstanding tradition in NFL locker rooms"
This is not rookie hazing. Not by a long shot. For starters, Jonathan Martin isn't a rookie. He's started 27 games for the Dolphins. It may have started as "rookie hazing" but it's long since blown up into something altogether different, and far more malevolent. It's borderline criminal harassment. Maybe not even borderline at this point. This is goddamn death threats! Threats of physical harm to the guy's mom, for crying out loud! This is not "team-building" or an effort to establish camaraderie "in the NFL tradition." This is a guy getting off on being a dick and inflicting psychological torture on another human being. Full stop.

No, "rookie hazing" is only barely relevant to this specific situation. But since people are conflating the two things, let's talk about rookie hazing for a second. Make 'em carry the vets' pads? No big deal. Make 'em bring the donuts or the burgers to the meeting (once or twice) on their dime? Sure, nothing wrong with that. Make 'em sing their college fight song in front of everybody at lunch? Good clean fun. Just giving 'em a little shit, no harm done.

But beyond that? It's high time the NFL decide whether their teams' facilities are a workplace or a goddamned frat house. They can't have it both ways anymore. Are these guys highly-paid professionals in a billion-dollar industry, or overgrown adolescents playing a kids' game? Pick one.

This isn't about the relative (lack of) merit of "traditional rookie hazing" though. This is about Richie Incognito being a cockbag, so let's have some more of that!

"Everybody knows all you have to do to get a bully off your back is to punch him right in the mouth one time! BE A MAN AND STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!"
Oh, fuck you and the grade-school playground wisdom your dad dropped on you when you were twelve. By golly, son, just give the kid a little of his own medicine and he'll respect you, and you'll end up being BFFs and everybody will live happily ever after! Yeah, t
hat was all well and good when some other twelve year old was taking your lunch money back in 1984.

Newsflash: This is not a case of grade-school bullying. Not even close. This is a whole different thing. When you confronted that twelve year old bully on the playground, you probably didn't have to worry about things like guns becoming a factor if the confrontation backfired and only escalated the situation. You probably didn't have to consider that the other kid might be a legit psycho with the means to actually carry out the threats against your family.

What, Martin was just supposed to roll the dice on the chance that Incognito isn't actually full-on batshit insane, and wouldn't really follow through with threats of retaliatory violence against his mom? Really? How was Martin to know that this asshole wouldn't turn out to be a fat Aaron Hernandez? Especially since all indications were that he might very well be?

That's why Antrel Rolle's "grown-ass man" position is so mindbogglingly stupid. That kind of mindless dick-swinging macho bullshit is what gets your wife and kids murdered because you're too much of a self-styled badass to walk away from some thug stepping to you at da club or some other such nonsense. What a fucking idiot.

You know what a Grown-Ass Man does, Antrel? He acts like a goddamn civilized human being. He thinks with his brain rather than his puffed-out chest. He doesn't solve his problems by punching (or shooting) people in the face. He seeks nonviolent resolutions to conflicts. That's what adults do. That's how a professional handles himself in the workplace. That's what a Real Man does.

Jonathan Martin is the Real Man™ here. Jonathan Martin is the one who's being the adult in all this.

"You don't understand, things are different in an NFL locker room. Different culture, different rules."
And if the "rules" of that "locker room culture" condone (or worse yet, encourage) this kind of sociopathic behavior, if the "rules" don't require people to treat one another with basic human respect, then just shut the whole thing down and let them all go see how all their macho bro bullshit flies in an actual real life workplace.

Newsflash, meathead: Your precious locker room is not exempt from the rules of fuckin' civilized society.

On one hand, I flatly refuse to believe that stuff like this is anywhere near as common as some people have been asserting. That it happens in every locker room. That it's just part of the "culture" of the NFL. There are too many guys like Scott Fujita and Jabari Greer and Steve Gleason and Kurt Warner and Reggie White and so on, too many genuinely good guys for that to be the case. I just can't make myself believe that guys like that would allow this kind of "culture" to run rampant in their presence. No, this can't be anything less than the very definition of an outlier, an extreme case if there ever was one.

On the other hand, at the same time, I'm not naïve enough to believe that Incognito is the only sociopathic asshat in the league either. And it's not difficult to understand how they get that way. A lot of these guys come from the hood or the trailer park, and have been enveloped in this "culture" since they were little boys. They learned that their primary value as a human being was their ability to be big and bad and "tough" and mean and nasty and violent. That their primary function in life is to dominate other boys/men (by any means "necessary.") It's all they know, and what those abilities are able to get them is all they value. There's merit to the notion that dickbags like Incognito aren't born, they're made. Made by their wife-beater wearing beer-guzzling dads, asshole drill-sergeant high school coaches, sycophantic hangers-on, and maybe in some ways society at large. They're taught that all this meathead bullshit is actually noble. That it's some kind of "warrior mentality" and that it's not only a good thing, that it's productive, but that it's necessary to survive and thrive in the locker room, on the field, and in life.

If you were inclined to forgive and/or excuse a guy like Incognito, you could make the argument that he's just a product of his environment. And he's certainly not the only one.

But it would be a bullshit excuse. Guys like Willie Roaf and Drew Brees and Sam Mills and Derrick Thomas were also enveloped in that "culture" since they were little boys, and they didn't turn into raging meathead dickbags.

It goes back to being a "grown-ass man." Some guys grow the fuck up and figure out what that really means, and others stay stuck in high-school and hold on to the twisted meathead locker room notion of what it means. But, locker room "culture" or not, ultimately it's the responsibility of the individual to choose to be a decent, civilized human being, or a worthless sack of shit.

At any rate, the whole "locker room culture" thing is just another example of NFL players wanting to have it both ways. They're "professionals" when it suits them. "It's a business" when it suits them. "It's a job, not a game" when it suits them. They're "grown-ass men" when it suits them. But they want to play by different rules than the rest of society when it comes to their precious "locker room culture." They want the respect and adulation of the general public, and everything that comes with it, but they don't want the scrutiny with regard to how they conduct themselves as human beings. And it's nobody else's business anyway, right? The locker room is apparently some sort of sacred place in a whole different universe where the rules of society just don't apply, nor should they, and if anybody's got a problem with it, it's just because "you don't get it, man."

I'll tell you what I "don't get, man." I don't get how the rest of these jackasses in Miami can look themselves in the mirror and sleep at night. How they can blame the victim and defend the indefensible. How they can convince themselves that any of this is in any way okay. How they can be so entitled, so insulated from the real world, so certain that they're somehow exempt from being decent, civilized human beings. How they can actually believe the twisted morality they've been spewing.

I mean, for the love of fuck! "Richie's a good guy?" "He was just trying to help Martin out by toughening him up?" "It's cool that Richie uses that word because he's an honorary black man?" Really? REALLY??? What an absolute shitstorm of ignorance.

Here's some real conversation for your ass. If you've given Richie fuckin' Incognito license to use That Word with impunity because he's "honorary" then you're one hell of a poor excuse for a "Real N—-™."

"Political correctness continues to run amock in 'Murica. IT'S JUST WORDS, MAN! Quit being so sensitive!"
Eat a dick, Siragusa, you fat wop dago. Let me guess, you just can't understand why Chris Rock (and Richie Incognito, apparently) can use That Word but you can't, right? Because that's usually what it all comes down to when people trot out that lame-ass "argument." FREEDOM OF SPEECH, amirite? It's NOT FAIR!

Yeah, "just words." Words like "I'm gonna shit in your mother's mouth." Words like "I'll kill you." Just words, right? No big deal. Gotta let that kind of shit roll off your back in this league. Quit being sissies, dude was just giving him the business.

Pardon me for repeating myself here, but I've got three words for you, Goose: AARON FUCKING HERNANDEZ!

"Just words." Right. I'm sure Siragusa wouldn't be the least bit bothered about that kind of shit coming from somebody who knows where he lives, where his family lives, etc. Nah, Goose is no sissy! Goose is a Real Man™!

And for the rest of us sissies outside the World of the Big Dumb Meathead Jock having such a negative visceral reaction to all this, please allow me to clue you in a little bit as to why that is. It's because we're (a lot) smarter than you. Because we're better people than you. Because we're adults. Because we're civilized human beings. You're the one who has the problem.

 

That applies equally to all the rest of the idiots who have been blaming the victim and acting like Incognito is the one who's being persecuted here. You're the one with the problem. You think you "understand the culture" but the truth is that you've sold your soul to the cult. And that makes you every bit the piece of shit human being Incognito is. You should be ashamed of yourself.

 

And with that, Wang steps down off his high horse for the time being. Sorry about the lack of Saints-themed content this week. Reid and Bradley have already said pretty much all that needs to be said about all that, so just go read them if you haven't already (though I know you already have. If you haven't, what's wrong with you?)

We'll resume our regularly-scheduled Saints content next week. That is, assuming there aren't more nuclear shitbombs forthcoming with this whole bizarre Incognito/Martin situation. And assuming the whole backlash against Martin doesn't get to the point that I end up just saying "fuck the human race" and pouring a bottle of Drano down my throat. Fingers crossed.

Meantime, fuck you, Richie. Always and forever. (Nice sissy boy name, by the way, Richie. Richie? Really? Richie???) Fuck you and those of your ilk. You are the absolute worst. May you receive every last ounce of karma you've got coming to ya, fat boy. Right in the ass.

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