Tuesday, April 06, 2021

Fun with logs!

Surely you other bloggers are already well aware of how much fun reviewing your stats can be. Especially the referrer logs and search engine keywords reports. High comedy. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. (<–That’ll get me a few hits from people searching for Bad Religion lyrics, I’m sure.)

One thing that’s become abundantly clear is that pop culture quotes bring the crazy, random hits. Useless, irrelevant hits. Amazing how many people are searching for Animal House and Silver Streak quotes on a daily basis.

Funnier yet is how many people search for “the date germany bombed pearl harbor.”

We’ve gotten hits from people searching for Pat Harrington, a place to download Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo and recipes for authentic Cincinnati chili. God only knows why anyone would want one of those. Apparently lots of people fondly remember Falco’s Der Kommissar, but are very, very hazy on how the lyrics went.

But the most popular search phrase leading people here, by a mile, is “reggie bush shirtless.” Holy crap ladies (and guys) calm down. Seriously, it’s a handful of times every day. Although the stat might be skewed, because I’m pretty sure that’s the way NolaChick gets here any time she stops by.

We’ve been visited by the person who runs Ingrid Michaelson‘s web site. Probably just scoping us out to see whether or not we are jive ass suckas. I wonder what conclusion he or she came to? Do I really want to know? Whoever advised Ingrid to go ahead and let Old Navy use her song on that ad deserves a massive bonus. Trailing only the rippling abs of Reggie Bush is “old navy sweater song” and any number of variants.

Searches from haters are always good for a chuckle:

“saints mare sucks must die” — Seriously. That was the search phrase.
“Les Miles lucky idiot”
“saints not really good soft schedule”
“reggie bush is not a real man” — Again, seriously.
“new orleans saints are assholes”
“reggie bush heisman nigga please” — Yet again, I shit you not.
A surprising number of people are also apparently looking for information on “reggie bush’s homeboys” Go figure.
We’re pretty sure that Kenny Wilkerson has been checking his own status pretty much daily for months now. Which, if that’s actually what’s been happening, might very well be the funniest thing I have ever experienced in life. I mean… just… wow. How do you top that? And you’d be surprised by how often other people Google Kenny. Seriously. Dude’s an internet sensation.

And then there are the ones that are downright bizarre. “ethiopian whores” — how does that even happen? And God help me now that, as soon as I finish this here post, that phrase will actually appear on this here blog. But in the meantime, was this blog really high on the results for that phrase? Or was this person so determined to learn more about ethiopian whores that he or she delved deep into the results until, inexplicably, stumbling upon a Saints blog called moosedenied and thinking “Eureka!!!”

How about “my erect nipples”? See, you’d think that this person was probably looking for pornography, but apparently not. He or she went to the search-savvy trouble of narrowing the search by doing the “-word” thing to eliminate several words that would naturally fill the results with teh pron. And do you think he or she was specifically looking for Bea’s?

Some others:

“dirty orifice” — Oh my.
“what to feed a moose” — Duh. Vodka. Lots and lots of vodka.
“wang enhancement” — Outstanding!
“fuck Shanle” — Wow. Who do you think Scott pissed off? We got your back, Scott.
And quite possibly my all-time favortie: “happiness is a warm groin” — Lennon sang on that one, right?