Tuesday, April 06, 2021

We’re not whores. I swear.

Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know. But I’ll confess that I get a little tingly feeling in the nether regions when somebody leaves a comment at this here blog. And a full blown boner when somebody actually goes out of their way to link here from somewhere else.

It’s not so much about being an attention whore (or at least that’s what we insist on telling ourselves,) but rather some twisted sense of pride in the knowledge that somebody out there is deriving something resembling pleasure from the ridiculous, rambling, overly-wordy, too-often-completely-unfunny Saints-themed hack comedy Bea’s Head and I spew forth onto these here pages on a semi-regular basis. Who’d have figured that would ever happen? We’re as surprised as you are.

This morning we were shocked and appalled to find that Humid Haney plugged the post right below this one over at his place. Wait… did I say appalled? I meant delighted.

Whenever we discover that someone’s linking here, we make a point of checking them out. You know, just to make sure they’re not jive-ass suckas. Or something. We don’t take linking back lightly here, and we certainly don’t just pimp anybody who asks. But we’ve decided we’re gonna go ahead and pimp the hell out of Haney’s Dirty Coast operation, and we figured we owe you some kind of explanation.

Firstly, we want you to know that we do occasionally get ad-placement solicitations. God only knows why. They’ve either grossly overestimated our stats, or they have no idea what the word “paltry” means. To date, we have an unblemished record of telling those people to fuck right off.

This here blog ain’t about making money, not that it would anyway, and honestly we find most efforts to generate ad revenue from a blog to be comically distasteful to begin with.

Now before you get all pissed off, let me just say that there’s nothing wrong with it. And if you do it, then more power to ya. It’s just not for us. It’s one thing if you’re the Huffington Post or Wonkette or Deadspin or something. But a fascist little popsicle stand like this one, with enough readers to fill up a Mazda Miata? Nah.

I always get a kick out of it when somebody emails us asking for an ad placement or a linkback, and we find it’s some kind of “portal” site that’s republishing other people’s work (in part, of course, don’t wanna get sued) and plastering ads all over the place. “Yeah buddy, you’re gonna get SO rich.” It’s not that we have a problem with commerce, it’s that we’re amused by the e-culture of every yahoo with a hosting account and some free blog software thinking he’s gonna build a money machine with Adsense and affiliate accounts. (If you’re linked here, or if I read your blog, I’m NOT talking about you.) Most of the time it’s obvious that they made sure the ads were working before even bothering with pesky little details like content and shit.

But this is not one of those occasions. We want you to know that Haney did not solicit us, and we also want you to know that we have absolutely nothing to gain by placing the ad, the link, or writing this here post. We’re not whores.

We’re doing it because Haney appears to be a bitchin’ kinda dude, and Dirty Coast appears to be a bitchin’ kinda operation. We think their shirts are clever. The operation is legit. The web site is cool. Clearly they work hard, this ain’t no CafePress store we’re talking about here. They’ve got a shop on Magazine St. And while turning a profit may be the primary motivation, as it should be for any business, clearly the passion is there. Clearly the people over at Dirty Coast believe in something other than the day’s deposits. Clearly these dudes have soul.

And we think that’s just great. :9:

We can only hope that they’re pulling in the cash by the metric assload. It’ll do our hearts good if we can contribute to that in some small (very small) way. (At least enough to make them forgive us for ganking their intellectual property to use as the picture for this here post.)

So we’re placing the ad, bitches. What are you gonna do about it? Go give these dudes some of your hard-earned scratch in exchange for one of their many high-quality products, that’s what. What better way to endorse a sentiment of some kind than to put said sentiment between his eyes and your tits? (Or her eyes and your well-toned, freshly-shaved pecs, I guess.)

(Meantime, a note to all other commercial entities. This in no way implies that we have the slightest interest in pimping whatever it is you’re selling. Our standards here are high, probably far too high to give your proposal the time of day. So unless you’ve got something that can hang with what Dirty Coast has got going on, kindly stick it up your ass and keep moving. Thanks, and have a great day.)